Dec 5, 2008

Conversations with Clairey and Jenna

Last night at dinner, Clairey was explaining part of the movie, "The Santa Clause" to me...

Claire: "..and then these elves come in, but they're not really elves, they're Secret Asians."

Me: "What? They're what? Secret Agents?"

Clairey: "Yep. Secret Asians."

Me: "Secret Asians?? What are they, like ninjas or something?" [And yes, me and SMM were totally laughing our asses off by now.]

Clairey: "Yeah! They were engines!"

Me: "Secret Asian Injuns??"

Clairey: "Yep. Secret Asian Injuns."

Note: We watched "The Santa Clause" last night. I saw no Asians--secret or not, and definitely didn't see any injuns.

This morning, i made the girls eggs and toast for breakfast, and this is their conversation.

Clairey: "Jen, we're eating baby chickens."

Jenna: "No we're not. This is just an egg."

Clairey: "But an egg is a baby chicken."

Jenna: "No, it's just an egg that came out of the mommy chicken's butt. It's just an EGG. The mommy chicken needs to be married to the daddy chicken to make an egg with a baby chicken inside."

Clairey: "How to chickens get married?"

Jenna: "Well, they touch their beaks--you know, they kinda rub their beaks together. Right mom?"

Me: "Um...not sure. I've never conducted a chicken marriage."

You know all those wrinkles I have around my eyes? It's from laughing SO. DAMN. HARD.

Dec 2, 2008

Worth mentioning

So, i'm watching "The Wiggles" with The Munch. One of the Wiggles just said, "Let's go talk to Capatin Good Blow. He is, a GOOD BLOW."

I sat here for a while thinking, "No shit?" Then realized they're saying, "Good BLOKE."

His arrival is imminent...

Our naked cat will be moving in around mid-January. His name is "Tito Nakie Doopah of Lekittysplit." We'll just call him "Tito" for short. I can't wait.

All hail the hairless cat. Meow. And yes, I KNOW, that there are a million "hairless pussy" jokes that can be tied to this. I KNOW.

Dec 1, 2008

Let the fun begin...

So, I had all last week off. Oh yes...NO WORK. I was thrilled. So, what did I do? I touched up the crown molding, Christmas shopped, reupholstered 1 of 6 dining room chairs, halfway reupholstered another, and completely f-ed up another.

Thanksgiving morning. Scene: I'm in bed, SMM is getting dressed. It's the ungodly hour of 630am or something like that.

Me: "Babe...what are you doing?"
Smm: "I'm going to go pick up a Thanksgiving hooker."
Me: "Oh...alright."
Smm: "I'm gonna get a black one this year."
Me: "Sweet."

On another note, Clairey and i were talking about the rennaisance faire of 2007:
Clairey: "...yeah, i got to ride the efalint. His skin was kinda scratchy. There was a canimal there, too, but i didn't ride him."
Me: "A what?"
Clairey: "A CANIMAL. You know...those animals with a lump on their back."

And, that's all folks!

Nov 17, 2008

My little sister is 30!

Nan turned 30 on November 6th... Welcome to your 30s!

The three of us. Such fine, strapping Irish kids. My parents should be proud. Just ignore my double-neck thing going on. Sheesh.

SMM and Johnny (Nan's husband):

Me and my seeester!

Of course, there are a million other photos. However, they are not all suitable for the web. :D

I'm a thief

I stole this! Yes, i admit it. Admitting the crime is the first step--i'll just skip the other 11. I stole it from here.

1. Do you like blue cheese salad dressing? Yes, as long as I don't think about it. Somehow, thinking, "Yay! I'm eating rotten cheese! Isn't appealing to me."

2. Favorite late night snack? I pretty much stick to the rule about not eating after 6pm. However, if i could choose, i'd eat Healthy Choice Chocolate Cappucino Chunk icecream, which I can never find anymore.

3. Do you own a gun? No, too many accidents can happen when you have one. But i bet it would make the kids clean their rooms faster. KIDDING. Just kidding.

4. What’s your favorite drink at Starbucks or other specialty coffee shop?
Vanilla Latte

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Nah.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Borrowing from one of my favorite flicks, I think they're just a bunch of "lips and assholes." However, I do like them every once-in-a-while.

7. Favorite Christmas song? Silver Bells. That's been my favorite since i was a kid. The girls have a cd called, "Jingle Cats," which is just a bunch of cat's meowing to every Christmas song imaginable. Again, it's a good thing i don't own a gun.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee. And, at this time of year, coffee with Pumpkin Spice creamer. YUM.

9. Can you do push-ups? Yeah, i'm a bad ass.

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? My wedding ring, and the star-sapphire ring that my dad gave my mom when she was in 8th grade.

11. Favorite hobby? I love scrapbooking but never have time anymore. I LOVE reading, but again...this random thing called TIME... My God, how i would love to have a quiet day where i could cuddle up in a chair and read a WHOLE ENTIRE book.

12. Do you have A.D.D.? My husband thinks so.

13. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? That i have A.D.D. ha! I'm also really nice. I HATE fighting and conflict.

14. The last disease you contracted? have no idea.

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. Why are sprites growing tomatoes? My feet are cold. It's dusty in here.

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? coffee, diet coke, more diet coke.

17. Current worry right now? Where is my $100 that i'm supposed to get from that stupid-ass that sold me the fake Uggs???

18. Current hate right now? I'm not a hater. Really, i'm not. Unless it's "Johnny and the Sprites." Damn, that show is STUPID.

19. Favorite place to be? On a warm beach with my baby or Disney with my babIES.

20. How did you ring in the New Year? I don't even remember. That could be good...or bad.

21. Like to travel? Oh my gosh...I LOVE to travel! I just need money to do it! The only "travel" i do right now is to the gymnastics place every Monday night.

22. Name three people who will complete Sunday Stealing this week: no idea

23. Do you own slippers?
Yep, sock-monkey slippers.

24. What color shirt are you wearing? I'm in my sock-monkey, flannel jammies. See the trend?

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? No, they're too slidey.

26. Can you whistle? Barely. It's not at all impressive.

27. Favorite singer/band? Sting.

28. Could you ever make it 39 days on the show Survivor? I like to think i could. I mean really, have you seen how much weight they lose?? I'd do it just for that. And then I think, Cripes, what if you were on your period?? That would just suck.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Since I, 90% of the time, usually take showers with the girls, i'm usually singing some kind of "kid" song.

30. Favorite girl’s names? Jenna and Clairey

31. Favorite boy’s name? Shawn--i've always loved my brother's name. I also like Aiden and Caeden (which just so happens to be one of my step-sons' names)

32. What’s in your pocket right now? Nothing but fuzz. That's right, bitches, I carry a little policeman in my pocket.

33. Last thing that made you laugh? My answer to number 32. I'm so easily amused.

34. Like your job? LOVE my job.

36. Do you love where you live? Eh, it's okay. I love my neighborhood. I wish I lived closer to my sister.

37. How many TVs do you have in your house? 5. Only 2 have cable (one in the living room, and one in the formal living room). The kids' tvs don't have cable. They just have them to watch movies on.

38. Who is your loudest friend? Amy

39. Do you drive the speed limit or speed? I generally drive 5mph over the speed limit; unless i'm in a subdivision. Then I speed so i can run over the slow kids and squirrels.

40. Does someone have a crush on you? My husband better.

41. What is your favorite book? I have so many faves. I think "Far From the Madding Crowd," or "A Fine Balance."

42. What is your favorite candy? Watchamacallits and Gobstoppers

43. Favorite Sports Team? don't have one.

44. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Sleeping

45. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up today? "Claire...remove yourself from my head."

Nov 4, 2008

Today's the day--make it count

VOTE, people, VOTE.

I read this and thought it was great: "The last time I trusted a Maverick, Goose died."

I don't know if i can live through that kind of pain again. Please vote.

Conversations with Clairey and other stuff...

Not really a conversation, but still funny...

I had to break out the winter clothes last week. I guess I should put "winter" in quotes, Texas, "winter" is subjective. It dropped below 70; therefore, it's winter. Anyhoo, i broke out the enormous Rubbermaid box and got out all the size 4t pants. I put a pair of Old Navy fleece pants on her, and was pretty darn thrilled that they fit. I asked her, "Do you like those? They feel okay?"

To which my five-year-old-going-on-90 replied, "Yeah, they're so sensible."

Seriously. What am I going to do with her?

On another note, she's riding her bike without training wheels. SMM was kind enough to point out that she looks like the bear riding the bike at the circus. Nice. See for yourself:

Oct 31, 2008

Jessie and Jasmine--Happy Halloween!

Here they are: Jessie and Jasmine!
Check out the belly on the wee one; yeah, she's well-fed. ;) I had a close-up of Jen's face, but her eyes were closed!

Here they are: Jessie and Jasmine! Check out the belly on the wee one; yeah, she's well-fed. ;) I had a close-up of Jen's face, but her eyes were closed!

Oct 21, 2008

Hi, it's me!

Hi! Look, it's me! I'm back! Because i know there were thousands upon thousands of you missing me!

Here I am to recap this past weekend. Which was fun! And more fun! and then some...

Saturday, me and the chicks get up and go to the spa to get manis and pedis. Jenna was funny--she sat there really still, whilst the vibrating chair "shook her like a dog!" (to borrow from Monsters, Inc.). Her little head was just bouncing all over the place while the little Asian lady rubbed her feet. I asked her if she wanted it turned off, but she declined. Silly girl.

Clairey, on the other hand, was freaking hilarious. She was too small for her feet to reach into the tub, so they stacked pillows. When they started the massage part, she practically reclined in the chair.


Sorry 'bout the crappiness of the pic. It was my cell phone, and i too, was vibrating. Note the bewildered look of the blonde Asian. I'm not sure if it was because i was taking a picture, or if she realized that she didn't want a picture of herself taken because...well..blonde Asians look kinda strange.

Then the girls got manicures. Again, Clairey looked funny. Here she is, with her hands under the UV light:

The kid can hardly see over the top. Always entertaining.

Then, in a last-minute decision, we pulled into a random salon to get our hair trimmed. It's a chain, and i thought, "Eh, what the's just a can they screw that up?" Last words of a fool, I tell ya. I'll touch more on that later. All i'm saying, is that when the lady said, "Do jew wan me to straighten chur hair?" I should have said, "Yes, please do. I'd like to see what damage an untrained Mexican with scissors can do." (No offense to well-trained Mexican women with scissors.)

We ran home, got pretty, met Gamma, and went to see an adorable musical put on by the Vidal children's theatre: "Pinkalicious." It was really cute, and i have never seen so many little girls all wearing pink. Super precious, really. We then went over to a little Italian place and had dinner, then to a bakery for dessert. Then, finally, home, where the chicks took off all their clothes and spent the rest of the evening running around in their panties, which is normal in this house.

Now that i look back over the day, this was also a fine lesson in different cultures: Asian, Mexican, and Italian, all in one day. My children are so global.

Sunday we awoke, and I made biscuits and eggs. I'm a real Betty Crocker, people. Had a few cups of eggnog coffee with pumpkin spice creamer, and headed out to the annual "Zoo Boo." The Houston Zoo decorates the place up and hands out tooth-rotting paraphernalia to the children. Gotta take part in that! The chicks slapped on thier cheetah/tiger ears from a few Halloween's ago, and i painted their noses. They were too cute.

Exhibit hall:

We had a really nice time. Has anyone else ever noticed how the zoo is the perfect people-watching place? Holy cowzers, I have NEVER seen so many fat kids! It looked like a bunch of little stuffed sausages running around in costumes. Sickening, i tell ya. But I digress.

That night, the girls were begging to sleep with each other. I told them "no," REPEATEDLY. They're only allowed to sleep over in each others' rooms on non-school nights. When i went to bed that night, I leaned over to kiss Jen, and noticed she had two heads. Clairey was in there with her, and they were snuggled all up together like little puppies. How can you get mad at that? I just kissed them and went to bed.

NOW, back to the haircuts/trims: So, I'm getting ready to go to the musical and I think, "I'm going to straighten my hair." So, i dig out the damn hair-straightener thingy (you can tell i do this on a regular basis, eh?), and plug it in. I straighten my hair, which takes frickin forever, and notice that my hair is REALLY crooked. Crooked as in, here's a chunk of hair that's a good inch and a half longer than the rest of my hair. Seriously, people. So, i had to get my hair wet and left it all wavy, wherein you couldn't really see the unevenness. Yesterday, I ran up to my normal hair-cutting establishment, and they fixed it--had to cut off another inch just to even up the back. Now my hair, which i have been trying to grow out (and believe me, I HATE growing out my hair), is short again. I also had to have Jenna's retrimmed, wherein the lady had to cut off nearly TWO INCHES to straighten Jen's!! I was so pissed. We've been growing out Jenna's hair forever, and it was just getting long, and now it's above her shoulders. UGH!!!

Jolie at "Texas Hair Cutting Team," YOU SUCK. I hope your next torta gives you diarreah.

Sep 30, 2008

MORE birthdays...

Also, today my chicks have a new baby brother, courtesy of their daddy and stepmom, Ashley.'s a big welcome to new baby brother ETHAN PARKER!

And, happy birthday to the chicks' stepmom Ashley, as well. I don't know a better gift than to be blessed with a new baby!

Holy cowzers--SEVEN!

"Jenna, Jenna, old do you turn today?" Yep, I mixed it up a bit from the standard, "...what did you learn at school today?" I'm crazy like that because i'm your mommy. And you drive me crazy.

Oh, Jen...Jenna, Jenna, Jenna. Where to start? You, my precious girl, are amazing. You are absolutely brilliant in every way. You can outsmart a rocket scientist and outshine the brightest of stars. You are a gorgeous girl, and have the most wonderful heart. At school, you are best friends with EVERYONE. Because of your sensitive hearing, your teacher sits you at the table with your deaf classmates. You have a special place in your heart for these friends, and you make an effort every day to learn as much sign language as you can, just so you can talk to them like you talk to your hearing friends. You are kind to all of your classmates, and for that, baby, you are rewarded with friendship and respect. You have such a good heart; it makes me smile.

You are such a fun big sister, but let's get this straight--you ARE a big sister. When Clairey annoys you, you let her know; however, you love her so very much, and often hug her and tell her, "Clairey-bear, I love you SO much!" You always want her to sleep with you, and are so disappointed when I tell you, "Nope, it's a school night." Every morning, you snuggle with her before you have to get out of MY bed (yes, MY bed---you end up in there, too) for school.

You, my sweet baby, are the other half of the light that brings me joy every day. It took me so long to get pregnant with you, and every single day, I thank God that I was finally given the chance to be your mommy. Everytime I look at you, my life brightens just that much more, and I often get a lump in my throat, because I am just so blessed to have you.

You are such a shining star, Jen. The world is a better place because you're in it. You are going to do such amazing and wonderful things in your lifetime. I am SO proud to be your mommy and I SO love you!

Sep 23, 2008


Song you love: "In My Daughter's Eyes" --always a weepy fave
Word you love: alliteration (it just sounds like music)
Academic subject you love: Art History
Hobby you love: taking pictures
Type of baked good you love: 7-layer cookies, cold, with coffee
Type of sky you love: sunset, when the sky is purple
Beverage you love: Diet Coke
Vacation you love: the types where i can hear my girls laughing
Restaurant you love: The Black Lab
Way of getting around that you love: Mini-mini!
Person you love: So many...
Room in your home (or ideal home) you love: my office (i love what i want it to look like; not how it is NOW)
Movie you love: Pride and Prejudice
Book you love: A Fine Balance
City you love: Salzburg
Future plan you love: Italian countryside vacation
Form of communication you love: blowing kisses
Junk food you love: Nutty Bars

Sep 10, 2008

Happy 5th birthday!

I can't believe you are already 5. It really seems like you were just born yesterday. I remember sitting on the couch, with your sister next to me--you were lying on my legs, and we were just staring at you--touching your perfect little hands, and looking into your wide eyes. Now, you are such an amazing part of our lives, and we couldn't imagine our world without you.

Not a single day goes by, where I am not thanking God that I have you. Before you were born, I prayed fervently to be pregnant with another little girl. God must have heard my prayers, and graciously answered them. You, my little one, are the twin part of the light that makes me get up each morning; the light that marks my days and keeps me alive. You keep a smile on my face, and prove to me that there is a God. Every. Single. Day.

You have a ferocious sense of humor. I have never in all my life, seen another 5-year old that has the same maturity as you possess. You can bring a smile to any face, and your presence just lights up the room. You have a way about you that draws people in; they just love to watch and look at you. You are such a gift to the world!

There are no words that can tell you how much i love you. You are my sweetpea, my baby girl, my little bit, and my JOY. I just adore you, my baby. Thank you so much for being in my life. Thank you so much for being my little girl.

I am so blessed to have you!

Sep 8, 2008

Contemplating suicide?

Go work for Build-a-Bear tech support. I would shoot myself. And NOT leave a note.

One of my chicks was having technical difficulties registering one her bazillion Build-a-Bears, so I had to email them. This is the response i received:

Hi there Steph!

Thanks fur the information you provided us.

Your Animal ID and Keycode is now valid. You may try to register your furry friend again.

To bring your furry friend to life online, you need to enter the Animal ID/Keycode. Just go to the virtual Build-A-Bear Workshop store at the Town Square and follow these steps:

1. Click on the Bear Builder associate standing at the Take-Me-Home station.
2. Choose "Would you like to bring your furry friend to life online?"
3. Choose "My furry friend was made AFTER October 2007 and I have its birth certificate."
4. Enter your Animal ID and Keycode.

After you have added a furry friend to your "My Stuff", your furry friend will jump into the cool virtual backpack you receive and you are ready to explore the world and play all of the mini games together.

Please feel free to write us back if you have other questions or concerns.

Have a Bearrific day!

Bear Hugs,
From your CyBear Pal

Is this a little bit of overkill? Is it? Methinks so.

Sep 4, 2008

Birthday video

Every year in September, I create a video montage for the girls. Here's this year's:

View this montage created at One True Media
Happy Birthday! 2007-2008

Aug 27, 2008

So delectable

I just want to eat her face!

Aug 25, 2008

First day of first grade

Today is Jenna's first day of first grade. My God, she is growing up way to fast for me! Can someone stop time, please?

Aug 22, 2008

I miss frivolous

I'm tired of not having any money. Wait, let me rephrase that: i'm tired of my money having to go to places i don't WANT it to go. I want my money to go to places like...oh, i don't SAVINGS account, perhaps. Or maybe to my 401k, or maybe a Roth IRA. I'd also like my money to go to the girls' college fun, or the girls' FUN fund. I'm tired of paying bills. Bills are no fun. I remember when i used to have extra money--when i used to get pedicures and facials, and could take my babies to do fun stuff. UGH. This sucks.
That being said, I'm lucky.

I have a roof over my head, and food on the table. The bills are always paid on time, and well, ALWAYS paid. I'm not a frivolous person. But I sure as hell miss being one. Both for me AND the girls.

One day, i'll be back to "I have money in savings and can afford to be frivolous." I can't wait.

Aug 21, 2008

I've been tagged!

I’ve been tagged by Melissa at

The Rules:

1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks you possess.
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.

EvilPig’s aka Stewbie's Quirks

1. I can't stand the toilet seat being up.
2. I always brush my teeth starting on the right, upper side. If I don't, I feel like something's amiss.
3. When i'm in bed, the sheets have to be folded over the top blanket.
4. I like my silverware to be lined up evenly.
5. I often break into song(and so do my girls).
6. When speaking, I flap my right hand/arm--as in, I bang it on the couch. (So says SMM.)

And, there are my quirks. I now tag the following persons:
Amy at Didn't We Just Start Dating
Jeni at Everyone Shut Up, But Me
Andrea at Avec L'Amour
Katy at Katy's Musings

And, really, those are the only people i'm going to tag...

Aug 12, 2008


What's wrong with this picture? I received this in an email, encouraging me to go back to school. Really, I'd love to--it's just that "fustrating" traffic!

Aug 11, 2008

Piercing, but not the nice kind

To the nice lady at Claire's in the mall:
She said she wanted her ears pierced. For YEARS, i've been trying to talk her into it. I mean, come on--look at her--she's a gorgeous kid; earrings would look precious on her. FINALLY, she said she wants them pierced, with NO prodding from me. She just came out and said it: "I want my ears pierced. I want earrings." Hallelujah! So, on Sunday, we went up to the mall, and stopped in your Claire's boutique. She was nervous. She kept telling us she was nervous. "Are you sure you want to do this?" "Yes," she kept saying, "Yes." Although, i think a large part of the "yes" was due to the fact that Gamma said she'd buy her that stuffed "Tigress" if she went through with it. She sat in the chair and started crying. "It's over so fast," you kept telling her. "Don't cry," I said, "It's only a pinch, and a little sting." "I'm scared," you kept saying. "Are you sure you want to do this?" "YES."

You know...why am i going through with this post. Let's cut to the chase:

Jenna on the floor screaming her head off because she can't get tigress unless she gets her ears pierced and after 30 minutes the ears still aren't pierced.

So to you, kind, plump working-lady at Claire's boutique: I apologize for the HUGE scene my child caused. And to all the other bystanders, I accept your thanks. Now you have some kind of "example" to remind your kids of how NOT to behave at a mall.

And to you, security guards, thank you so much for not responding to my child's horrific screams as I dragged her out of the mall. Wait, actually, it's a little unsettling that you DIDN'T respond. I could have been kidnapping a random child!! Shame on you!

--sigh-- We'll try again when she's 10.

------------Edited to add---------

You know, the more I think about the fiasco that happened yesterday, the more I realize that it could have been avoided. When we got into the boutique, Gamma let Jenna pick out a prize. She let her hold it, and Jenna was so excited to have it. But Gamma told her she could only have it if she got her ears pierced. So, even though Jen was scared shitless and had decided she DIDN'T want her ears pierced, she wanted to go through with it because she wanted that damned stuffed animal. So then, when Gamma took the animal away from her, the meltdown just got worse. UGH. Can't believe I just didn't see this yesterday. Or, prevented it from happening in the first place.

Aug 6, 2008


I had to wake up early this morning. Well, not TECHNICALLY early, but I DID have to set the alarm clock to make sure we all woke up. Meaning, I set the Dora the Explorer alarm clock in Jenna's room to be sure that SHE got out of bed. However, by the time Dora started dinging, me and Clairey were already awake. You know, because she had been in our bed for approximately 45 minutes wrangling my hair with her hands, and kicking SMM in the ribs with her little toes. We all got up, got dressed, and headed out to Clairey's 830am dentist appointment. Except that today is the 6th and not the 7th. And that her appointment is actually at 810am and not 830am. TOMORROW. --sigh-- Oh, and did i mention that when i pulled my hamper out of the laundry chute this morning that there was a huge tree roach in the throes of death hiding behind it? Did i mention that? Hmmm, perhaps not. In that case, I WILL mention that when I got home from dropping off the chicks at the sitter's, and walked into my home, there was a hulk-sized OTHER tree roach lumbering it's disgusting self across my KITCHEN floor. Sweet baby Jesus. I hadn't even had coffee yet. It was moving SLOW. Until, of course, I screamed like a crazy anime person ("AIIIEEEEEE!!!") and lunged at it with a wad of paper towels the size of my head. THEN that stupid bastard ran with the speed of an Olympian. I managed to get it and flush it, but then had the shakes for about an hour. My kitchen is totally disinfected now, since i basically emptied a can of Lysol in there. I hate the rain. Yes, yes, i know it feeds nature and all that bullshit, but it also makes the tree roaches eek their way into my home. Oh, and the cat?? You would THINK that she would try to get the tree roach. Not so much. She looked at it whilst I screamed, "CAT! CAT!! DO YOUR FUCKING JOB!!" I hate that cat, too. The only way to fix the mess that was my morning was to finish off the bag of chocolate-chip graham snacks and drink copious amounts of coffee.


However, i'm still scared to set my feet on the floor.

Aug 4, 2008

My mosaic

Here’s how you do it...Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr search, using only the first page, choose your favorite image, copy and paste each of the URL’s into the mosaic maker (3 columns, 4 rows).
The questions:
1. What is your first name? (Stephanie)
2. What is your favorite food? (Artichokes)
3. What high school did you attend? (Spring)
4. What is your favorite color? (Green)
5. Who is your celebrity crush? (Zorro--not really a celebrity, but he's sexy, yes?)
6. Favorite drink? (chai tea)
7. Dream vacation? (italy)
8. What do you want to be when you grow up? (full)
9. Favorite dessert? (tres leches)
10.What do you love most in life? (my girls)
11. One word to describe you. (alive)
12. Your Flickr name. (stewbie--this actually came up with several pics of me)

Aug 1, 2008


Clairey likes to run around with underwear on her head. I'm somewhat frightened.

Edited to add: A friend of mine wisely told me, "Don't worry--they're HER panties. When she has panties on her head and you're not sure who they belong to, THEN it's a problem." Well said.

Jul 31, 2008


Stolen from Katy over at Katy's Musings. I've actually done this before, but the list was different...

Instructions! The Big Read thinks the average adult has only read six of the top 100 books they’ve printed below.
1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you read part of but never finished.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Strikethough those you hope to never read again, and sometimes wish you could un-read.

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen (JA is one of my all-time favorites)
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien (the entire collection is brilliant)
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling (wonderful!)
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare(The Tempest, Measure for Measure, The Comedy of Errors, Much Ado About Nothing, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, The Merchant of Venice, As You Like It, The Taming of the Shrew, All’s Well That Ends Well, Twelfth Night / What You Will, Henry IV, part 1, Henry V, Richard III, Titus Andronicus, Romeo and Juliet, Julius Caesar, Macbeth, Hamlet, King Lear, Othello, Antony and Cleopatra, Cymbeline)
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34. Emma - Jane Austen
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones’ Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare (wouldn't this fall under "the complete works"?)
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

I would hope, that simply for the education of mankind, that most people have read at LEAST 6!

Jul 30, 2008

Mommy needs a break

Seriously. What is up with my chicks??

Since we've gotten back from San Diego, no one wants to go to bed anymore. Bedtime is 8, and i'm lucky to be downstairs by 9--and that's if all goes well. Last night, I put them to bed. Jenna came downstairs with one of her many excuses. For your viewing pleasure, they are:
  • "I can't fall asleep" (after being in bed for, MAYBE, 5 minutes)
  • "I'm thinking that i might have a bad thought"
  • "I keep having bad thoughts"
  • "I think i might have a nightmare"
  • "I'm thinking about having a nightmare"
  • "I'd be more comfy in your bed"
  • "I wouldn't have bad thoughts if i were in your bed"
  • "I need more snuggles"
  • "I need more kisses"

Seriously...this kid will go on and on. She will think up ANYTHING just to get me to go lay with her until she's asleep. I've offered her my pillow, my sock monkey, and I DO lay down with her every night for 10-15 minutes. That's our ritual and i do so EVERY night. Lately though, it's not good enough.

Last night, she FINALLY fell asleep at around 10--after hours of coming downstairs with her excuses. SMM and I went to bed around 11. At 1130, she comes into the room: "I can't sleep."

"You've BEEN asleep--and so has everyone else in this house," I say.

"No I haven't."

"Yes, you have. Go get back in bed."

"I caaaaaannnnn'ttttt sleeeeeep...."

"Go get into bed, or I will beat you."

My threats didn't work. I ended up walking her in there and putting her into bed. For the next 15 minutes, she'd walk in and out of our room, whining about how she can't sleep, etc. I prayed fervently that I would retain my last scrap of patience so I wouldn't beat her for real. Finally, SMM just sighed, "Just go in there and lay down with her so she'll go to sleep." UGH. I did. She fell asleep, and so did I.

At approximately 230am I was woken up by CLAIRE crying. "I had a dream about going pee-pee and I peed in my bed!" Seriously. I am not fricking kidding you. This child has NEVER wet the bed--even when potty-training. In the past 5 months, she's peed the bed twice--always because of one of those damned "i think i'm sitting on the potty" dreams. Dammit. And she gets SO upset. I tried to explain to her that if she's having dreams that she's peeing on the potty, then she needs to realize that she has to pee and wake up. I hate the "pee-pee dream."

The alarm in Jen's room went off at 8am. We had a dentist appt this morning. The girls LOVE the dentist. Claire went first, then Jen, then me. The hygienist told me that Claire brushes remarkably well for a 4-year old. Then she said she has 2 cavities. Genetics. It's her father.

I need a trip to Mexico.

Jul 15, 2008

Back in Texas

Well, we're back from California. Man, it's hard leaving Southern Cal and it's awesome weather to come right back to the oven that is Houston. It's even harder leaving my sister. It's even harder driving the 22 hours back to Texas when the chicks are in the backseat crying, "We don't want to go back to Texas! We want to live in California!" Yeah, me too girls. I'll take the increase in housing for the beautiful views, awesome weather, and my sister.

We had an awesome time--the beach, Disney's California Adventure, Legoland, and just tons of fun. My sister's cats are probably partying it up now that the chicks are gone. Those poor things couldn't catch a break while we were there--the girls were just dragging them around everywhere. Our cat is old and crotchety and hates people. My sister's cats are young and stupid.

Here are some pictures of the joy:

Clairey at the beach. Some totally ripped 9/10-year old boys dug a huge hole in the sand. The girls liked to jump in it. It was so deep, that we couldn't see them--even when they were standing up.

Jenna at the Wildlife Animal park. Yes, there were cheetahs. Yes, there was much excitement. See the sparkle in her eyes? She was contemplating stealing a cheetah. She's gorgeous.

Clairey just looking as cute as a friggin' button. I could eat her face. This kid is absolutely precious.

Waiting in line for Toy Story Mania at Disney's California Adventure. Don't go there. It's a 1/4 the size of DisneyLand and costs the same. What a rip off. This was one of only FOUR rides that Jenna would go on. She went in this and Monsters Inc. The other two, she attempted, but it ended in high-pitched screams.

Me and The Munch at Legoland. I can't believe more strangers just don't try to eat her. She's that adorable.

The drive back to Texas.

Jun 30, 2008

Nothing better to do on a Monday

1. You have 10 dollars and need to buy snacks at a gas station. What do you get?
Diet Coke, Fig Newtons, and a Whatchamacallit

2. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be?
Sea Dragon

3. Who’s your favorite redhead?
My sister

4. What do you order when you’re at IHOP?
Multi-grain and Nut Pancakes

5. Last book you read?
Paddy Clark Ha Ha Ha

6. Describe your mood.
Excited--we're leaving for CA on Wednesday!

7. Describe the last time you were injured.
Yesterday, when I fell down the stairs. Seriously, we often have a home with 4 children and I'm the only one who's fallen down the stairs. SEVERAL times.

8. Of all your friends, who would you want to be stuck in a well with?
Not sure...whichever one of my friends is incredibly apt at getting out of a well...

9. Rock concert or symphony?

10. What is the wallpaper of your cell phone?
Me and the chicks

11. Favorite soda?
Diet Coke

12. What type of shirt are you wearing?
The blue tank top i slept in

13. If you could only use one form of transportation?
My car

14. Most recent movie you have watched in theater?
That stupid Dr. Seuss movie with Jim Carrey

15. Name an actor/actress/singer you have had the hots for.
I used to have a huge crush on The Dread Pirate Roberts

16. What’s your favorite kind of cake?
Chocolate. With more chocolate.

17. What did you have for dinner last night?
Hamburgers. A summer staple, but i'm tired of 'em .

18. Look to your left, what do you see?

19. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Flip-flops don't have ties

20. Favorite toy as a child?
My Madame Alexander doll, and my cousin's hotwheels

21. Do you buy your own groceries?
My butler. Unless the live-in maid goes. I let them duke it out.

22. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
Probably. Assholes.

23. When was the last time you had gummy worms?
I can't even remember, but i really like the sour ones

24. What’s your favorite fruit?

25. Do you have a picture of yourself doing a cartwheel?
Somewhere, i'm sure

26. Do you like running long distances?
It seems that 3 miles is my max, since after that, I feel close to death

27. Have you ever eaten snow?
Several times

28. What color are your bedsheets?
Off-white with blue designs; they're SO SOFT

29. What’s your favorite flower?

30. Do you do ballet?
For a very short period in my childhood. I was a tapdancer.

31. Do you listen to classical music?

32. What is the first TV Theme song that pops in your head?
Wonder Pets

33. Do you watch Sponge Bob?
Nope. He has a smart mouth, so my kids can't watch him either. If they're going to be little smartasses, they're going to get it from me, njot from some asshole sponge.

34. What temperature is it outside right now?
Flaming inferno

35. Do people consider you smart?
People that know me do.

36. How many piercings do you have?

37. Are you signed on [to] AIM?
No, MSN and Yahoo

38. Have you ever tried gluing your fingers together?
Hell, yes. What else do you do with Elmer's glue?

39. How do you feel about your family?
The best ever. Everyone wishes they had a kick ass family like mine.

40. Do you have an iPod?
I have a shuffle

41. What time do you go to bed?
Between 1030 and 11

42. What CD is currently in your CD player?
Disney Girls Rock

43. What movie do you know every line to?
Ferris Bueller's Day Off, The Princess Bride, Army of Darkness

44. What is your favorite salad dressing?
Balsamic Vinagrette

45. What do you want for Christmas this year?
I interior designer and an unlimted amount to spend.

46. What family member/friend lives the farthest from you?
My best friend lives in Perth

47. Do you like hugs?
No, i'm a Nazi asshole. Yes, i like hugs. Cripes.

48. Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
i had nervous butterflies sometime last week, but i can't remember why...

49. What’s the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name?
No one every gets it wrong.

50. Last person you hugged?

Jun 26, 2008

TV sucks

Dh and I don't watch much tv. The girls barely watch ANY. I hate the idea of plopping them down in front of the tv to "babysit" them. It's unecessary and there are plenty of other more mentallly-stimulating things that they could do. My brother calls me a "Nazi mother," I call myself smart. Anyways, after the kids go to bed, SMM and i like to snuggle on the couch and watch the Discovery Channel, the History Channel or other similiar types of programming. Our two favorite channels were the Equator channel and the Gallery channel. Both brilliant programming, providing some really stimulating stuff. However, DishNetwork is run by idiots, and they cancelled those two channels. Now I'm pissed because nothing worth watching is ever on. The past few nights, we have delved into "non-cable" networks. I now know why the world is going to shit. "America's Got Talent" and "Celebrity Circus" were on. Holy crap. This is exactly why IQs are dropping. This kind of programming is why I can't find a single effing person to have a decent conversation with. I tried, OH, I tried. HOW can anyone sit through this trash?? I could feel my brain liquidating. UGH.

I feel like the world is getting stupid.

Jun 20, 2008

Haven't done one of these in a while....

1. You just received too much change. What is the most that you would feel obligated to come clean about it..if at all?
Is this a trick question? It all depends on if the cashier was an old bitch or not. It also depends on how far out in the parking lot I was until I noticed.

2. What is the last present you regifted?
Um..a Barbie. I keep all birthday duplicates in the hall closet.

3. You're puking your guts up from the flu and are delirious, who do you call to take care of you? I'd call my husband, but the truth is, he's sick more often than anyone else I know. So, if I was puking out my guts from some sort of flu, he'd probably have it too. Hmmm...My brother would just call me a puss, and my sister's in Cali. I'd have to call my mom. But THEN i'd have to listen to how I contracted the flu, because, you know, she thinks she's a doctor. Shit, I'd rather just die--puking and alone.

4. It is 4am, you're at Dennys (or any 24 hour diner like establishment) after a night of drinking. What did you just order?
The "Quick 2-egg breakfast." Man, that is the ONLY way to go. It's quick, and it comes with bacon. Mmmmm....pork.

5. You were just handed $2500 and must spend it going away for the weekend. Where are you going and are you going to ask anyone to come along?
Only a weekend? Cripes. I'm going to assume this is a week-long "weekend." Me and my honey would be on a plane to an island somewhere...

6. Who shared your first ever romantic kiss and do you know where that person is now?
Let's see...9th grade, Mark Jernigan. I have no idea where he is now. Prison, maybe?

Jun 5, 2008

Terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day

1. Woke up expecting the wee one to be in bed with me. She's not here--she's at her dad's. Bummer. Guess that cancels snuggles with Jen, too.
2. I have to work. Blah.
3. Guess what? 3 deliverables are due today--where are they? OH...someone said they turned them in to the design group, but they didn't? Great. Now I look like a fucktard.
4. The design group hates me .
5. The boss calls: "Why is your client saying she hates our company? What did you do?"
6. Day's almost over--i go get the mail. Electric bill is FOUR-HUNDRED AND TWENTY DOLLARS.
7. Another company didn't receive my payment.
8. I go pick up the kids--surely my day will improve.
9. Get home to make dinner. The chicken is bad.

Seriously. You can't make this shit up.

Jun 3, 2008


Go to this site:

Type your name on the first line, and your significant other's on the second line. Click "Visualizar."


(Don't worry about putting in your email and all that jazz--not necessary.)

Last day of school...


May 21, 2008


Let me just tell you: My chicks hit the jackpot when it comes to stepmoms. She is totally awesome--nice, sweet, LOVES the girls, and is a cutie to boot.

I feel really lucky; my ex could've married some awful bitch that hated my kids.


May 13, 2008

Watch out Mary Lou...

...there's a NEW gymnast in town!

Starting on that college scholarship early...

May 2, 2008

Everyday dialogue

Note: Clairey had just found a dead bird in the pool...

SMM: it was probably doing a native dance to please the gods of the bird feeder and tripped
Stewbie: THERE'S ANOTHER DEAD ONE IN THE SKIMMER!!! Jesus Christ. It's some kind of crazy branch-Davidian thing.
SMM: they drank the kool-aid
SMM: what kind of birds? How are you getting them out?
Stewbie: Claire's singing,"It's a dead bird. A dead bird. A dead, dead, dead, dead, dead bird."
Stewbie: The first one, I picked up by the foot. The one in the skimmer---I just put the lid back on and i'm pretending it's not there.
SMM: you really shouldn't handle them
Stewbie: Okay, there's marching AND singing: "there's a DEAD my swimming pool!! I'm killing that dead bird! I'm killing that dead bird! I'm killing it!!!"
Stewbie: I'm not petting it and kissing it. I picked it up by it's little foot and threw it over the fence.
SMM: oh..then that's ok
Stewbie: I don't know what to do about the one in the skimmer.
SMM: tongs
SMM: bbq sauce
Stewbie: ew
SMM: soy sauce?
Stewbie: too much MSG
Stewbie: Sparrows are salty already. Don't want to overdo it.
SMM: were they babies?
Stewbie: no. They looked like a mother, and perhaps a second-cousin.
SMM: [rolling eyes]
Stewbie: teenagers?
SMM: i was thinking maybe they fell out of a nest asshole!!
Stewbie: Not unless they fell out, then crawled over to the pool to finish their untimely death.
Stewbie: Sparrows--They're SO dramatic.
SMM: woooo...wooo...aahhhh....splat...umm..wooo..wooo....wooo...splash...grgle...grgle
Stewbie: It COULD be a dinner option.
SMM: only Jenna would get enough sustanance from it
Stewbie: I'm going to have to empty that skimmer. Claire's making a wavepool--soon that dead bird is going to be hanging ten! SURF BIRD!!
SMM: birds don't have would be technically only hanging 6 because the back ones would be going the wrong way
Stewbie: hmmm...okay...let me go empty it. Listen for the scream. I swear to God...if that thing has no eyes or something...
SMM: use something to grab the basket and then pull it up hence gathering up the bird
[going to retrieve bird]
Stewbie: EW. I held the corpse in place with a popsicle stick, then got the basket out. There was a lot of shrieking, because it kept getting loose. It's neck was broken. There's a bird cemetary over our fence
SMM: apparently the killer was Steven Segal
Stewbie: That's right--he is a big fan of breaking necks.
SMM: yes...i
SMM: i've seen it many times
SMM: on TV
Stewbie: did you stutter because you were scared, or because you hit Enter?
SMM: now...if it's neck was sliced...then I'd say OJ
SMM: I stuttered because I was scared to hit enter
Stewbie: there was no glove....
SMM: it probably wouldn't have fit anyway

Apr 16, 2008

Conversations with Clairey

Last night, as I was lying in bed with Clairey:

Me: How was your day? Did you have fun?
Clairey: Yes, we played outside. It was a beautiful day.
Clairey: I'm sorry I lie sometimes.
Me: What? Where did that come from?
Clairey: Nowhere. I'm just sorry that I lie sometimes.
Me: Did you tell a lie?
Clairey: No. I'm just telling you.


Apr 15, 2008

I will beat your children

Why are little boys such shits? I swear, I'm going to beat the ass of every boy-child that comes within arms reach, and then i'm going to teach my girls to beat their asses, too. Maybe it's just the age...when do they start to be little pricks? 6? 7? How long does it last? Even my stepsons displayed the whole, "We don't want to play with you" (towards the girls) last time they were here. But since they're now partially mine, I can withold food from them, so they straighten up pretty quickly. I can't dig my claws into every boy though.

Yesterday, Jenna had her "musical theatre" class. You know, the class that's going to make her a "rockstar"--so she thinks. She brought along Pico, Pico Rivera. Oh yes, he's still around. After class, she looked forlorn, so i asked what was up. "A boy told me that Pico was ugly." (picture)
"Yes. A boy said, 'your dog is ugly.'"
"What did you tell him?"

Now, this is Jenna we're talking about--she's the sensitive one. Claire, on the other hand, would have clocked the holy hell outta that kid then kicked him in the ribs, all the while chanting, "Who's ugly now, bitch?!" and rubbing Pico's ass in his face. But alas, Jenna would never do such a thing. So I said, "Jen, I'm sorry that that little boy said something ugly to you, but some people just do that. Next time someone says something to you that is not nice, just say, 'Whatever,' and turn the other way." Of course, that's not what I WANTED to tell her, but "Kid, you're nothing but an asshole" would never come out of her mouth.

Apr 10, 2008

That thing would tear into a tomato

So, who in this joint has a "PedEgg?" Do you know what i'm talking about? This:

(First, i must give props to Zoot:, as she's the one whom brought this up.)

The commercial grosses her out, but for good reason. It actually shows someone dumping their "foot shavings" onto some fabric. Yeah, that IS disgusting. "Foot shavings"...that's just nasty. The commercial also shows them rubbing the damn thing on a tomato, saying, "it's just so gentle." That, my friends, is pure bullshit. That "egg," if you will, is sharp. I won't let my kids play with it. Steak knives, yes. "PedEgg," notsomuch.

I will say, though, my heels are like a baby's ass. But not as stinky.

I am SO handy

Yeah, there's a little bit of Suzy-homemaker in everyone. Check out these little dresses/outfit I made Clairey:

Shorts and a halter shirt

My favorite: The fruit dress (with matching headband)

Another dress, with a back shot

And, finally, the ladybug dress. Jenna has a matching one.