Mar 27, 2007

So many words

Jenna and Claire are both in a funny "word" stage. Claire's into the "poo-poo/pee-pee/boobie/butt" stage, and Jenna is gravitating toward the "i'm-going-to-make-up-weird-names-and-keep-saying-different-stuff-until-I-make-you-grimace" stage.

Example: Clairey likes to yell "weiner" at the top of her lungs. She likes to call people "weiners," and she likes to point out that all things male have weiners. She loves to tell people that she has two new stepbrothers, and you know why they're boys? Because they have weiners. And all boys have weiners. It's like a bad scene out of Kindergarten Cop. I have told her that yelling "Weiner!!" in a crowded grocery store is not acceptable, and she tells me, "Yes, but I can say 'hot-dog weiner.'" --sigh-- So now, I get, "*hot-dog* [whispered] WEINER!!! [yelled]" or, "I love hot-dog weiners. I just love weiners." It very much reminds me of the "I love balls" phase that Jenna went through--I'll have to find that post and link to it.

Jenna, on the other hand, is just making up stuff. I'm sure you remember her offering me the "SuperCock" house wine. That was just the beginning. I was doing laundry yesterday, and overheard her having a conversation between her two "FurReal" friends (little slightly-animatronic animals that are kind of creepy). It was being carried out by a puppy and a kitten, and it went something like this:

kitten: "I love Puppy!"
puppy: "I love Pussy!"
kitten: "Mommy cat, I love Puppy. He is my best friend."
puppy: "Mommy cat, I love Pussy. She is my best friend."

Meanwhile, I'm stuffing dirty socks in my ears to shield myself from this. I simply told her that "pussy" isn't really a good word for a cat. "But I like 'pussy'," she says.

That's alright, her dad told me that this weekend, Pussy was calling Puppy "Sugarnuts."

Mar 26, 2007

Happy happy!!

Just married... Honeymoon (with the sock monkey):

Mar 21, 2007

Mrs. Wisdom, I presume?

Yep, that's me!
Check out my Flicker acct for pics of the happy day!

Mar 14, 2007

Just one word

1. Where is your cell phone? counter
2. Your Vehicle? Mini
3. Your hair? red
4. Your mother? goofball
5. Your father? Irish
6. Your favorite thing? SMM
7. Your dream last night? marrying
8. Your favorite drink? coffee
10. The room you’re in? study
11. Your ex? unloveable
12. You are? happy
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? healthy
14. Who did you hang out with today? friend
15. What you’re not? mean
16. Muffins? blueberry
17. One of your wish list items? house
18. Where is the ______ ? corkscrew
19. The last thing you did? ate
20. What are you wearing? pants
21. Your favorite TV show? AI
22. Your pet(s)? bitch
23. Your computer? POS
24. Your life? amazing
25. Your mood? giddy
26. Missing? kids
27. What are you thinking about right now? work
28. Your Shoes? many
29. Your work? awesome
30. Your summer? HOT
31. Your favorite color? green

Only 2 days...

and some odd hours before I have to surgically remove my yoga pants and "Dublin Rocks" shirt and put on a wedding dress. Only 2 days until I have to fix my hair, put on makeup, and sit like a lady. Wait, I'll actually have to put on a dress AND wear something on my feet that are not Old Navy camoflauge flip-flops. Oh, the pain.

Good thing I am so in love with SMM. :)

Mar 6, 2007

In response

In response to a comment I recieved last week, mentioning the caloric count of a box of "Samoas" now, I believe, known as "Caramel deLites" Girl Scout cookies:

Calories: 1120
Total fat: 56g
Carbs: 152g

Wow, who knew Samoans were so evil?

Mar 5, 2007

Notes from a business call

I have the best client in all the world:


Me: Oh, by the way, did I tell you I'm getting married on St. Patrick's Day?
CJ: Girl! SHUT UP!! No you're not!
Me: Oh yes, I am.
CJ: To that 'cutie-patootie' you introduced me to?
Me: That's the one...
CJ: MmmMmmmm...I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life sleeping next to THAT body.
Me: You said it, sister.

A lot of instructions for a Monday

Instructions: In the list of books below, bold the ones you’ve read, italicize the ones you want to read, cross out the ones you won’t touch with a ten-foot pole, put a cross (+) in front of the ones on your book shelf, and asterisk (*) the ones you’ve never heard of. On some of them, I'm not sure if i'd read them or not, so i left them in normal font.

1. +The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. +Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. +To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
5. +The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
6. +The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
7. +The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. +Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. +A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. +Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. +Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. +Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. *A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. +Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)
17. *Fall on Your Knees(Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. +The Stand (Stephen King)
19. +Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban(Rowling)
20. +Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. +The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. +The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. +Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. +The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. * Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. +Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie(Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. *Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. +1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. *The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. *The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True(Wally Lamb)
39. +The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. *The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. *The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. Bible
46. +Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. +Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. +A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
3. *Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. +Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. *The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. +Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. *The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrew Niffenegger)
61. +Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. *The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. +War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. *Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. *One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. +Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. +Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72. *Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. +The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. *The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. +Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)
81. *Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83. +Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. *Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. +Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down(Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. *The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. *Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. *Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. *The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93. *The Good Earth(Pearl S. Buck)
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. +White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. +The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. +Ulysses (James Joyce)

Mar 1, 2007

Golden Shower

First of all, let's all go over the inner-workings of a public toilet: First, the suck-down; wherein your peepee gets sucked down the drain. Second, the heavy flush--where the clean water super-charges into the drain to give it that extra "ooomph!" Are you with me? Yes? Good.

So, into the potty I go. I sit down and pee. Yes, you DO need to know that, as it will be of great importance about 3 sentences down. I'm minding my own business, just piddling in the potty. I finish, I wipe, I pull up my drawers and buckle. I lean over, scoot the "potty protector" into the potty, and flush. From here on, my life begins in slow motion. I see the peepee toilet paper and potty protector get sucked down the drain, then the super-charge kicks in, and everything goes right down the drain in one powerful tornadic motion, right? No, of course not. Because it's ME and shit happens to ME. Well, not literally (not THIS time). Instead of super-charging down the drain, the super-charged water somehow ricochets off the cardboard (and therefore, flushable) tampon applicator, and the next thing I know, I'm in the middle of my own personal rainshower. The water sprayed directly up and out of the toilet, and rained on me--the initial fountain of water narrowly missed my right eye and instead, hit me in the side of the head. Really...my life is TOO MUCH.