Jan 22, 2007

What's YOUR house wine?

~Me and the chicks were playing restaurant~

Jenna: What would you like to drink, ma'am?
Mommy: Hmmm...what do you have?
Jenna: We have Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, and Super Cock.
Mommy: What? What was that last one?
Jenna: Super Cock.
Mommy: "Super Cock?" What's that?
Jenna: It's our house wine.
Mommy: Wow. I'll have a glass of that.

Jan 16, 2007

Pretty spot on

ENFP - The Champion
You scored 72% I to E, 21% N to S, 23% F to T, and 57% J to P!
Your type is known as the Champion type, which is part of the larger group called idealists. Nothing occurs that does not have some deep and ethical significance in your eyes. You see life as an exciting drama. You are very charismatic, yet tend to be too harsh on yourself for not being as genuine as you think you should be. 3% of the population shares your type.
As a romantic partner, you need to talk about what is going on in your life. You are a strong supporter for your partner's efforts to grow and change and be happy. You need to feel that same support from your partner. Expressive, optimistic, and curious, you are eager to enjoy new experiences with your partner, whom you wish to be your confidant and soul mate, as well as play mate. You are uncomfortable sharing negative emotion, though, and tend to withdraw from confrontation and process your feelings privately. You feel most loved when your partner appreciates your creativity, accepts your uniqueness, and sees you as the compassionate person you are. You need to hear your partner tell you how much you mean to them and would love if they did thoughtful spontaneous things to demonstrate it.
Your group summary: idealists (NF)
Your type summary: ENFP

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 99% on I to E

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You scored higher than 99% on N to S

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You scored higher than 99% on F to T

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You scored higher than 99% on J to P
Link: The LONG Scientific Personality Test written by unpretentious2 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Jan 15, 2007

My fine is...$410.50

Here's how it works:
You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine. And NO, it is not PER incident otherwise, some of us would have totals more than the national debt!.
Bring up that calculator, and get to work!

Smoked pot -- $10
Did acid -- $5
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you-- $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace -- $25
Had sex for money -- $100
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped -- $10
Crossed dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know -- $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15
Ever drive drunk -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend-- $20
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Peed in the pool -- $0.50
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25

Tally it up and Title it..."My Fine Is..."
(Yep, I've pee'd in a pool)

Jan 11, 2007

Conversations with Clairey

SMM (to Claire): Girlfriend, one day, you and I are going to butt heads.

Clairey: MOM! He said 'butthead!'


The Entertainment Factor

Last night, as we were all watching a "Little Einsteins" dvd, Clairey started clearing off the coffee table.
"You know what she's doing, don't you?" asked SMM.
"Um...no..." I replied.
I sat and watched as she continued to move tv remotes and Pottery Barn catalogs to an end-table. When it was all clear, she got up on the table and started dancing and singing. Now, i have to let you know, I let the girls do this. They can ONLY get on the coffee table if they're dancing and singing. If they get up there, to, I don't know...sit, that's a no-no. No sitting on the coffee table allowed. If they get up there to stand at look at the room from a different view, that's a no-no, too. They are only allowed to get up there if dancing and singing is involved, because then it's not a coffee table--it's a STAGE. So, lil bit gets up there and she's busting a move, and periodically yelling to SMM, "I love you, boyfriend!" and "You're my boy!" and "My your girl!" and SMM and I are just sitting there, laughing because she's so damn funny.

Then Jenna gets in on it. Next thing we know, we're surrounded by a litter of stuffed animal cats, and both girls are on the table singing us an operatic aria about how cats have a good life. Jenna always gets really into it--her voice was all soft and then she'd sing really high and fade out. Very dramatic. Man, those cats DO have a good life.

For about 30 minutes, the girls would run back and forth to the playroom, grabbing great groups of stuffed animals. SMM and I were treated to songs about cats, ponies, dinosaurs, and puppies. Then Clairey did a kind of rap about shaking her booty. It was all good. After they finished each performance, they'd run to the playroom, shouting, "Clap! Clap like you're at a show!" So we'd clap--I clapped as best I could with a wineglass in my hand.

At one point, the girls came running out of the playroom--each holding a babydoll. We were quickly informed that the dolls were "Baby Jesus" and that they were now serenading the Christ child. Clairey started out kind of fast, with the lyrics, "Baby Jesus sleeps in the hay! Baby Jesus sleeps in the haaaaaayyyyy!" But Jenna quickly corrected her, saying that if they're going to sing a song about baby Jesus, that it has to be a "soft" song, so both girls laid baby Jesus down on the table, got down on their knees, and solemnly looked at their baby Jesus', softly crooning, "Baby Jesus sleeps iiiiiinnnnn the haaaaaayyyyyy.....baby Jesuuuuuusssss sleeeeeeps in the haaaaayyyy...." They repeated this, oh, a hundred times or so. As they were running back off to the playroom, SMM asks Clairey, "So, tell me what you know about Jesus." And right on cue, she says, "He sleeps in the hay." hahahaha.

Unfortunately, we had to end the performance. It was bedtime.