Mar 31, 2006

Celebrate good times....C'MON!

SMM has landed a job! Thanks for the prayers, people. :)

Conversations with Jenna

J: "Mom, I want to be a rockstar when I grow up."

M: "You can be anything you want to be, sweetie."

J: "Well, then I'm going to be a rockstar and sing this song on a big stage." (song was Kelly Clarkson's 'Since U Been Gone')

M: "You better start practicing your guitar."

J: "Oh, I'm not going to play the guitar. I told my friend Kaitlin that she was going to play the guitar, Sierra's going to play the drums, and I'M going to be the girl with the microphone, singing."

M: "You have it all planned out, eh?"

J: "Oh yea, that's how it's gonna be when I'm a grown up. Man, I can't wait 'til I'm FIVE."

Mar 30, 2006

The. Joy. of. it. all.

It's been raining here for nearly a week. The kids keep asking to go outside and, I'm sorry, but seeing that there's a large mud-pit in the backyard, NO. "We won't play in the mud!" they beg....SURE.

In other news, the sock-monkey man has just had a run of bad luck. He's in the longest divorce ever, he lost his job, then his grandmother died this morning. Really, people, say prayers or wish nice things on him, please.

I've been in training for work all week. NOT FUN. I hate coming into the office everyday--I know...whine, whine, whine. But when you get used to working from home, it's hard to go to the office.

Mar 21, 2006

For the guys...

I hate my uterus. Really. I fricking HATE. MY. UTERUS. The only good thing to come of it was the chicks. Now it's completely frickin useless and I no longer want the damn thing, nor do I want the lovely monthly reminder that comes with said uterus. UTERUS FOR SALE! Really, who the hell am I kidding. You can have the damn thing. FREE.

Uterus Haters, UNITE!

Conversations with Jenna

J: "Mom, when Punkin goes to heaven, you need to buy me a white cat and Clairey a black cat."

M: "Okay..."

J: "You never know, Punkin might get sick. She's been throwing up a lot lately."

M: "You think?"

J: Yeah, I think it's her food, or maybe it's just hairballs, I don't know. But anyways, I want a little, white cat."

Punkin better watch out. Jenna's gonna hire a cleaner to take her out.

Mar 15, 2006


Topics of the day: Stuffy noses. Itchy, watery eyes. Annoying fricking gnat-like fruity-fly thingies. "Mom, you can just go to hell." "Keeping it real."

Let's start at the top, shall we? (If anyone wants to get some cheese, I'm about to bring on the whine.)

My nose is all stuffy. Wahhh! It's that annoying stuffy nose where it's stuffy, but it keeps running. How is that possible? I'm about to just shove Kleenex (see? With the proper brand-capitalization even)up my nostrils just to save myself the time of continually wiping my nose, which is sure to result in some form of carpal tunnel syndrome in my wiping hand and already, a very red nose. Let's just add the watery eyes to the mix. Yay. I feel like ass.

Topic 2: Annoying fricking gnat-like fruity-fly thingies. They are all in my office. There is no rotting fruit here. There is no NOT rotting fuit here. There is me. And I am not rotting either. There is no reason for these flies. There are 2 live plants. One, I have already taken home, because it was surrounded by fruit-fly corpses, and I thought surely, SURELY, this plant was the bearer of the fruit flies. But no, the plant was my friend. It was the MURDERER of these obnoxious bastards. The other plant is going home with me today, and if the flies are still here, don't be surprised to see the 6-ft. tall banana tree outlined with chalk on the front walk. Oh yea, it's going DOWN. Excuse me, whilst I pick a fruit fly out of my teeth...

Topic 3: "Mom, you can go to hell." Funny, she's only four, but has already mastered the "go to hell" look. See for yourself:

She's a professional. I have so much to look forward to.

Topic 4: "Keeping it real." This, my friends, is the slang word of the day. Keep it real; keeping it real 1. to tell the truth 2: to behave in an unaffected manner, as true to one's personality rather than putting on airs or acting like someone else. Even though we were in the midst of renovating the kitchen, Punkin continued to keep it real by shoving her catnip mice-stash under the stove.

The beginnings of an NFL phenom

And here he is, ladies and gentlemen: the World's first ever, 6-month old draftee! Going by "Loco" --he just MIGHT be crazy...Crazy for FOOTBALL, that is-- this little guy has been genetically engineered to be the next big thing in the NFL.

Exhibit A: Here is Loco's foot (on the right), compared with that of a 2.5-year-old.

And here he is in all his burly glory:

To see more of this big guy, visit his homepage.

*and to think...I'm lucky enough to live across the street from this little guy!

varmits it "varmit" or "varmiNt"? "Varmint" sounds like a rodent-shaped breath mint, so I'm going with varmit. Anyways...

So, the man who bought me my first sock monkey and I have been redecorating the house. That entails painting the kitchen, which entails pulling the stove and refrigerator away from the wall. Ew. I now know what happens to coffee after you spill it down the side of the cabinet and it pools under the stove and you can't reach it and it becomes baked onto the linoleum by the heat of the gas broiler. Nice. Sock-monkey-man pulled the stove out while I was at work, and got busy painting. I came home from work, and the first thing he says is, "There was a family of mice living under the stove." I was so grossed out, the only thing I could do, was say, "huh??" rather than passing out cold from the total grossness of mice living under an appliance that I use to cook food for my children. Sock-monkey-man says, "Yep, there they are...." So I peer over to the counter, and I'll be damned, there they were--a fuzzy little family--camping out on my kitchen counter.

And, lo, the mice multiplied and were plenty. And they all lived under the stove. Apparently, Punkin (the cat)has been shoving mice under the stove as part of a secret attempt to have a hidden stash of catnip mice. I always knew she was dirty.

Mar 9, 2006

Oh, how I have missed you all

Hello! Hello internet! Did you miss me? I missed you! I have been very busy, I have been:

* Attending Pampered Chef parties
* Braiding little neighbor girls' hair
* Explaining why I can't braid hair that is only 3 inches long
* Moving a really fricking heavy deck
* Shopping for a playset for the kiddos
* Buying a playset for the kiddos
* Redecorating the house
* Frequenting Starbucks, or "the coffee store," as the chicks call it

See? I have been busy! Busy, busy, busy!! Me and my boyfriend--okay, I can't do it, "boyfriend" is so juvenile--me and "the man who bought me my first sock monkey" have been painting and recovering and erecting (he, he...I said "erecting")and painting some more and faux finishing and staining and moving furniture like crazy people. The man who bought me my first sock monkey has bestowed patience like no other upon me. Even when I messed up three walls at once with a faux-finishing technique that LOOKED LIKE ASS, he laughed and said it was no big deal, that he would repaint all the walls. Can you believe? SO PATIENT. Then the man that bought me my first sock monkey jerkily walked into the back room, and I heard loud grunts, banging, and some muffled screaming, but I'm sure he was just working out or something. But the house looks fantastic! It looks totally different and has a totally different style and feel to it. It is so awesome. In fact, we have SO killed it*, that maybe--just maybe--I will post pictures one day. I have to finish it first.

*Slang word of the day: Kill it. 1: to do a good job, perform well.