Jun 27, 2006

Clairey's "Word 'o the day"

And it is always said with the same emphatic flair that a largely flamboyant gay man would bestow upon a pink boa with matching snakeskin boots.

Heard this morning:

"Jenna, that shirt is UG-LY. Where's your green shirt? That one is GORGEOUS!"

"Oh. My. Word. MOMMY! It is GORGEOUS outside!"

Jun 26, 2006

Charm THIS

I was taking my lunch break and decided, since i was working from home, that I would go enjoy the Texas sun a bit, while finishing "The Devil Wears Prada." Quite a funny read, by the way. Apparently, i got a little TOO into the book, and overflowed the pool, resulting in an undesired hosing of myself. The hose leapt out of the pool like some snake-charmers mate, and sprayed cold water directly across my midsection. Lovely. Although it IS one-hundred flippin' degrees outside, i have no desire to be surprised by cold water. It IS Monday, right?

Jun 20, 2006

I miss my sister

I want to go to NY and eat Chinese food in expand-a-waist pants.

Jun 9, 2006

What I do on Friday nights

Let's see. What do I do on Friday nights without the kids? I'll make a list:

1. Lay on the chicks' playroom floor and wonder if they're having fun at their dad's.

2. Brush the My Little Pony's hair, because DAMN! that pony's hair was a tangled mess and no pony looking like that is going to reside in MY house.

3. Read an entire "Parents" magazine from cover to cover with no interruptions.

4. Call my mom, who invited me over this evening, then decided that she should not be home. I always knew she didn't like me, but really, does she have to be so blunt?

5. Call my best friend and offer to come over for drinks and naked Jello-wrestling.

6. Take a shower. A long shower. With no small children smashing their little faces against the glass door.

7. Park myself in my favorite chair with my laptop and wait for SMM to get on IM, and while I'm waiting, text message him. Really. Where the hell is he? He couldn't have gotten far...my hold on him is too tight.

8. Email my sister the semi-nudie photos that I took of her for her husband. He's a sergeant in the Marine Corps, and I was doing my duty as a good American. He informed me that he needs the pictures to look at while he's in the port-o-john. God Bless America!

9. Talk to my brother, while he's on his way to Dallas.

10. Blog.

Now, seriously. You'd think i'd have something better to do on a Friday night. But no. My only consolation is that my sister's sitting in NY and SHE'S sitting at home eating Chinese food. Hahahahaha! Let's all laugh at HER. So, I'M sitting in Houston, Texas by myself--big deal. SHE'S in New York. On a Friday night. Eating Chinese food in her expand-a-waist pants. Bwhahahahaha!

Jun 7, 2006

Change is good

Yee hee! Look at my new "look"! Isn't it exciting? Still evil, still porcine, but with flowers.

Much like the chicken-flu...

The girls have been going to the same sitter since they were each 8 weeks old. Ms. Dot is a no-nonsense, I'll-put-your-little-rear-in-time-out, and-then-I-will-smother-you-with-kisses kind of lady. She's a flippin matriarch. She has grown children of her own, grown grandchildren, then watches a handful of random kids each day ranging from the age of 5 months to 5 years. The woman is either the most patient woman in the world, or so certifiably insane that the government secretly watches her. And my kids stay with her---I am so lucky.

Ms. Dot is a Cajun. She admits it. I swear, the woman drives to Louisiana twice a month just to eat crawfish and soak up the swampy atmosphere. But we still love her. Every once in a while, she says something that makes me just want to keel over and die laughing.

Over the past two weeks, Ms. Dot has lost a lot of her little ragamuffins to a fever. One day, one kid was out; the next two were out; and before you know it, four are missing. Obviously, it's some kind of fun little virus that all the little urchins are sharing. They won't share their toys, but an annoying virus?! Sure! Pass it on! Lovely. I just found out, this very morning, that the wee Loco-boy has chicken pox. I actually haven't gotten confirmation from his mom, but if Ms. Dot says it, it's gospel. So, in my non-medical expertise, I'm thinking that chicken pox is going around, and the kids that have been vaccinated against it are just getting fevers. See? I'm not a doctor, and this is why. I'm not even sure that's possible, but I'm a mom, and there MUST be a reason. So anyways...where was I going with this? Oh yes...so, Ms. Dot and I are discussing this viral occurance, when she says:

"I don't care what they say, it's the foreigners that are bringing all these viruses in. It's the foreigners! It's just like that 'chicken-thing' that's going around. They're crossing the borders and bringing it all in."

I just nod and smile, and try not to give her an odd look. After all, she loves my kids.

Jun 5, 2006

Remember this...

Jenna and I were lying in my bed last night, just having some "Mommy & Jenna Time," as she calls it. I was doing a crossword puzzle, and she was helping by writing the letters in the boxes for me. While I was trying to come up with a reasonable (and correct) answer for one of the clues, her little hand covered mine. I looked at her, and she said, "Mommy, when I grow up, I don't want to go to college."
"What? Why?" I asked.
"Because, Mommy. I don't ever want to leave you."