May 21, 2008

Jackpot

Let me just tell you: My chicks hit the jackpot when it comes to stepmoms. She is totally awesome--nice, sweet, LOVES the girls, and is a cutie to boot.

I feel really lucky; my ex could've married some awful bitch that hated my kids.

WOO HOO!!

May 13, 2008

Watch out Mary Lou...

...there's a NEW gymnast in town!




Starting on that college scholarship early...

May 2, 2008

Everyday dialogue

Note: Clairey had just found a dead bird in the pool...

SMM: it was probably doing a native dance to please the gods of the bird feeder and tripped
Stewbie: THERE'S ANOTHER DEAD ONE IN THE SKIMMER!!! Jesus Christ. It's some kind of crazy branch-Davidian thing.
SMM: they drank the kool-aid
SMM: what kind of birds? How are you getting them out?
Stewbie: Claire's singing,"It's a dead bird. A dead bird. A dead, dead, dead, dead, dead bird."
Stewbie: The first one, I picked up by the foot. The one in the skimmer---I just put the lid back on and i'm pretending it's not there.
SMM: you really shouldn't handle them
Stewbie: Okay, there's marching AND singing: "there's a DEAD bird...in my swimming pool!! I'm killing that dead bird! I'm killing that dead bird! I'm killing it!!!"
Stewbie: I'm not petting it and kissing it. I picked it up by it's little foot and threw it over the fence.
SMM: oh..then that's ok
Stewbie: I don't know what to do about the one in the skimmer.
SMM: tongs
SMM: bbq sauce
Stewbie: ew
SMM: soy sauce?
Stewbie: too much MSG
Stewbie: Sparrows are salty already. Don't want to overdo it.
SMM: were they babies?
Stewbie: no. They looked like a mother, and perhaps a second-cousin.
SMM: [rolling eyes]
Stewbie: teenagers?
SMM: i was thinking maybe they fell out of a nest asshole!!
Stewbie: Not unless they fell out, then crawled over to the pool to finish their untimely death.
Stewbie: Sparrows--They're SO dramatic.
SMM: woooo...wooo...aahhhh....splat...umm..wooo..wooo....wooo...splash...grgle...grgle
Stewbie: It COULD be a dinner option.
SMM: only Jenna would get enough sustanance from it
Stewbie: I'm going to have to empty that skimmer. Claire's making a wavepool--soon that dead bird is going to be hanging ten! SURF BIRD!!
SMM: birds don't have ten...it would be technically only hanging 6 because the back ones would be going the wrong way
Stewbie: hmmm...okay...let me go empty it. Listen for the scream. I swear to God...if that thing has no eyes or something...
SMM: use something to grab the basket and then pull it up hence gathering up the bird
[going to retrieve bird]
Stewbie: EW. I held the corpse in place with a popsicle stick, then got the basket out. There was a lot of shrieking, because it kept getting loose. It's neck was broken. There's a bird cemetary over our fence
SMM: apparently the killer was Steven Segal
Stewbie: That's right--he is a big fan of breaking necks.
SMM: yes...i
SMM: i've seen it many times
SMM: on TV
Stewbie: did you stutter because you were scared, or because you hit Enter?
SMM: now...if it's neck was sliced...then I'd say OJ
SMM: I stuttered because I was scared to hit enter
Stewbie: there was no glove....
SMM: it probably wouldn't have fit anyway