Jan 29, 2009


1. My awesome husband

2 .Pediatric dentists

3. Cranberry vodka

Jan 27, 2009

Can't say i'll actually DO this every day, but...

So,you're supposed to list some random little things that you're thankful for everyday...it'll give me something to post, yes?

1. My husband. No, really. I LIKE him. A LOT. Even though he farts in his sleep.

2. My hairless cat, Tito. Even though HE farts all the time.

3. My chicks. Even though they fart, too. (Come on, you knew that was coming.)

Tuesday Haiku

Ode to Tito the Hairless Cat

Cat, why must you sit

on my lap and keep farting?

You smell like sausage.

Jan 14, 2009

It's all about the Jonii

Jonii: 'Joe-nIE'; the Jonas Brothers

If you have girls over the age of 5, then it's all about the Jonii, baby. And, thank you Disney, the fruit of my loins have ecstatically educated me on the fact that there will be a Jonas Brothers movie. In DISNEY DIGITAL 3D!! Woooo. I can't wait. We get to see all about the hardships of being 16 and under and a multi-millionaire. It's a tough life, people. A tough life.

Both of my chicks think that Joe Jonas is the man. And more handsome than Prince Charming. And, although she stuttered for a mere moment, Joe is apparently, more handsome than Captain Jack Sparrow (the other love of Clairey's life). And, as she also pointed out, Joe is also more handsome than SMM. Poor SMM; thrown to the wolves by a 5-year old. Alas.

The Jonas Brothers are to my chicks what NKOTB were to me--just a bunch of cute boys singing about how I'm their popsicle.

Jan 13, 2009

Look, a pinata

Tito, the naked cat, is now a part of our home. The first thing Clairey said when we get him home, besides the expected squeals of excitement and "Oh! He's SO CAAA-UUUUTTTEEE!" was, "Oh, look! I can see his little wiener. It looks like a little pinata!"
She's 5.
She doesn't know the difference between a set of cajones and a wiener, but i let it go. We just all agreed that, yes, Tito has a pinata between his legs. The End.

Here's Tito, lecturing us all on the teachings of St. Thomas of Aquinas:

Later, scattering the entrails of his first kill:

Looking dashing, and teasing the ladies with a little tongue action:

Jan 6, 2009

Conversations with Clairey

Tucking Clairey in for the night....

Me: I love you...
Clairey: I love you more...
Me: I love you more than all the clouds in the sky....
Clairey: Huh? More than all the clowns in the sky??
Me: No, you poop. More than all the CLOUDS.
Clairey: Clowns are creepy.
Me: Yeah, I think so too.
Clairey: Here, look at my finger [holds up her pointer finger]. Look close. See that right there? Right there on the very top?
Me: Um...no. Why? What is it?
Clairey: It's a little clown. His name is Bobby.
Me: [laughing hysterically] A little clown lives on the tip of your finger?
Clairey: Yeah, but he's not creepy. Nah, Bobby's not creepy.
Me: Okay, well. Goodnight, baby......goodnight, Bobby.
[hysterical laughing ensues....]

Jan 5, 2009

Christmas pictures

Estimated time of photo: Approximately 1 a.m. Notice the copious amounts of crap on the table in the formal dining room near the back of the photo. Yeah, we've been doing a lot of remodeling...

"A Girl and Her Cheetah": A touching love story about a girl who should be having a normal childhood, but can't because she's too concerned about the welfare of cheetahs.

Look! Another animated wild animal. I know you're all shocked and surprised.
And here's the wee one with her new baby crib--being all surprised at what lied within: a horrible, bloodied carcass!
Just kidding. It's a precious babydoll.

Everyone needs some of this....

[Talking about wrinkles with my mom....]

Me:...and...ugh....look at these wrinkles around my eyes!
[mom nodding]
Clairey: Mommy, you don't have wrinkles!
Me: Yes I do! Right here! [pointing to my eyes]
Clairey: Mooom! Those are from smiling! See...smile big...see?? Those are from smiling. You're the most beautiful mommy...

Seriously. If I could clone this kid, she'd be a top seller.

Stewbie needs....

So, I stole this post from Doomcake, who stole it from Em, who stole it from Greg. Go to Google, and type in, "[Your name] needs" and see what it comes up with. Looked like fun, and really, what better way to start of the New Year than with theft?

SO...what does Stewbie need?
  1. Stewbie needs better steriod testing.
    Yes, well. I've been meaning to bring my horrible steriod problem up on the blog, but i'm so ashamed...
  2. Stewbie needs a cervical cancer innoculation.
    No one can argue with that.
  3. Stewbie needs to be locked up from the crazy bitch from hell. Funny...i was just talking about a certain ex-wife and how she asks for MORE money for every.little.thing. I'm sure my exhusband (and his lovely wife) will shout a huge, "Amen!" to the fact that I am NOT greedy (and malevolent. Nor bitchy.)
  4. Stewbie needs a good shield, armor, and a good pair of boots.
    I used to, but my dragon-slaying days are over. Unless, of course, i need them to clean Clairey's room. In that case, donations of the above-listed items will be accepted.
  5. Stewbie needs to learn how to use one from scratch.
    "One" what? That's certainly subjective. The possibilities are endless.
  6. Stewbie needs others.
    Google has broken through my rough exterior straight to my heart. Thanks, Google.
  7. Stewbie needs specialist attention.
    Hah, we all already knew this. No surprise there!

Then it got boring, so i stopped.