Jan 29, 2009
Jan 27, 2009
1. My husband. No, really. I LIKE him. A LOT. Even though he farts in his sleep.
2. My hairless cat, Tito. Even though HE farts all the time.
3. My chicks. Even though they fart, too. (Come on, you knew that was coming.)
Jan 14, 2009
If you have girls over the age of 5, then it's all about the Jonii, baby. And, thank you Disney, the fruit of my loins have ecstatically educated me on the fact that there will be a Jonas Brothers movie. In DISNEY DIGITAL 3D!! Woooo. I can't wait. We get to see all about the hardships of being 16 and under and a multi-millionaire. It's a tough life, people. A tough life.
Both of my chicks think that Joe Jonas is the man. And more handsome than Prince Charming. And, although she stuttered for a mere moment, Joe is apparently, more handsome than Captain Jack Sparrow (the other love of Clairey's life). And, as she also pointed out, Joe is also more handsome than SMM. Poor SMM; thrown to the wolves by a 5-year old. Alas.
The Jonas Brothers are to my chicks what NKOTB were to me--just a bunch of cute boys singing about how I'm their popsicle.
Jan 13, 2009
She doesn't know the difference between a set of cajones and a wiener, but i let it go. We just all agreed that, yes, Tito has a pinata between his legs. The End.
Here's Tito, lecturing us all on the teachings of St. Thomas of Aquinas:
Later, scattering the entrails of his first kill:
Looking dashing, and teasing the ladies with a little tongue action:
Jan 6, 2009
Me: I love you...
Clairey: I love you more...
Me: I love you more than all the clouds in the sky....
Clairey: Huh? More than all the clowns in the sky??
Me: No, you poop. More than all the CLOUDS.
Clairey: Clowns are creepy.
Me: Yeah, I think so too.
Clairey: Here, look at my finger [holds up her pointer finger]. Look close. See that right there? Right there on the very top?
Me: Um...no. Why? What is it?
Clairey: It's a little clown. His name is Bobby.
Me: [laughing hysterically] A little clown lives on the tip of your finger?
Clairey: Yeah, but he's not creepy. Nah, Bobby's not creepy.
Me: Okay, well. Goodnight, baby......goodnight, Bobby.
[hysterical laughing ensues....]
Jan 5, 2009
"A Girl and Her Cheetah": A touching love story about a girl who should be having a normal childhood, but can't because she's too concerned about the welfare of cheetahs.
Me:...and...ugh....look at these wrinkles around my eyes!
Clairey: Mommy, you don't have wrinkles!
Me: Yes I do! Right here! [pointing to my eyes]
Clairey: Mooom! Those are from smiling! See...smile big...see?? Those are from smiling. You're the most beautiful mommy...
Seriously. If I could clone this kid, she'd be a top seller.
SO...what does Stewbie need?
- Stewbie needs better steriod testing.
Yes, well. I've been meaning to bring my horrible steriod problem up on the blog, but i'm so ashamed...
- Stewbie needs a cervical cancer innoculation.
No one can argue with that.
- Stewbie needs to be locked up from the crazy bitch from hell. Funny...i was just talking about a certain ex-wife and how she asks for MORE money for every.little.thing. I'm sure my exhusband (and his lovely wife) will shout a huge, "Amen!" to the fact that I am NOT greedy (and malevolent. Nor bitchy.)
- Stewbie needs a good shield, armor, and a good pair of boots.
I used to, but my dragon-slaying days are over. Unless, of course, i need them to clean Clairey's room. In that case, donations of the above-listed items will be accepted.
- Stewbie needs to learn how to use one from scratch.
"One" what? That's certainly subjective. The possibilities are endless.
- Stewbie needs others.
Google has broken through my rough exterior straight to my heart. Thanks, Google.
- Stewbie needs specialist attention.
Hah, we all already knew this. No surprise there!
Then it got boring, so i stopped.