Mar 1, 2007

Golden Shower

First of all, let's all go over the inner-workings of a public toilet: First, the suck-down; wherein your peepee gets sucked down the drain. Second, the heavy flush--where the clean water super-charges into the drain to give it that extra "ooomph!" Are you with me? Yes? Good.

So, into the potty I go. I sit down and pee. Yes, you DO need to know that, as it will be of great importance about 3 sentences down. I'm minding my own business, just piddling in the potty. I finish, I wipe, I pull up my drawers and buckle. I lean over, scoot the "potty protector" into the potty, and flush. From here on, my life begins in slow motion. I see the peepee toilet paper and potty protector get sucked down the drain, then the super-charge kicks in, and everything goes right down the drain in one powerful tornadic motion, right? No, of course not. Because it's ME and shit happens to ME. Well, not literally (not THIS time). Instead of super-charging down the drain, the super-charged water somehow ricochets off the cardboard (and therefore, flushable) tampon applicator, and the next thing I know, I'm in the middle of my own personal rainshower. The water sprayed directly up and out of the toilet, and rained on me--the initial fountain of water narrowly missed my right eye and instead, hit me in the side of the head. Really...my life is TOO MUCH.

5 comments:

Amy said...

You crack me up. But I will rememebr this since the only way to eat these are by the sleeve. LOL

Amy said...

Opps. I commented on the wrong blog.

Radin said...

Too much.. too much for me. I can't stand that. tears down my cheeks.
You are so descriptive accurate ….. you are a hell of a writer.
Love you

Anonymous said...

That is such a sad and horrible story. I can only imagine what your face looked like. Did yo have to re-apply the make up too?
nik

Chad said...

Only my wife would leave a "eat these by the sleeve" comment. Disturbing, to say the least.


When you were told: If life gives you lemons, make lemonade this is NOT what they were talking about.

I can only theorize that you must have had grapefruit for breakfast. We all know how that goes straight for the eyes...