May 17, 2005

Who's Russell, she said, and smiled in her special way...

Do you guys remember that song? "Who's Johnny?" 80s flashback, pardon me. Anyways, I just read another blog that reminded me of Russell. "Who's Russell?" you ask. Well, Russell is my boyfriend. He's been my boyfriend for, oh gosh, somewhere in the realm of 13 years. Definitely on the side, as I'm married, with children.

Scott knows about Russell, and often brings him up in conversation.
"Where'd you go for lunch today?"
"I just met some friends at Willie's."
"Was Russell there?"
"But, of course."

Russell always 'would have.' As in, "You did'nt get me anything for Valentine's Day? Russell would have," and "Today's Tuesday! You didn't get me anything? Russell would have." You know, like that.

I'm not sure exactly where I picked up Russell. It's not like it's a common name or anything, unless you're talking about a dog. The only thing I can think of, is that in middle school, there was a set of twins named Russell and Ryan. We shared the same birthdate, and were born at the same time. In 6th grade, that pretty much means that you're some kind of star-crossed best friends, so they were part of my life for a long while. Anyways, I must have been thinking about them the day Scott and I got in a little high-school tiff. I was 17, so Lord knows what we were arguing about. Probably something like why the cafeteria's Crispitos were so much better than the steak fingers.'s meant for cheese-dipping, and one's meant for gravy-dipping. Cheese always wins. Anyways, after our lunch squabble, I told him that I would just go to prom with someone else. Someone that treated me right. "Who?" he asked.
"Oh, I have lots of other guys that would take me."
"Really? Who?"
"Yeah. Russell. He's my boyfriend, and he's going to take me to prom."

Enter Russell. Never to exit again. Whenever I get angry with Scott, I always threaten him with Russell. Whenever Scott gets full of me, he says, "Why don't you go bug Russell for a while?" It's all good. Russell: my back-up, imaginary man. Every girl should have one.

I'm sure one of my girls will take Russell to their prom.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for remembering me - but, did we have to spill the beans to everyone?


Anonymous said...

oh my gosh! i remember Russell and Ryan- RICE
how funny!

jeni said...

what the hell is a steak finger?!!!

ariadneK, Ph.D. said...

LOL...I think we ALL had a "Russell" figure at some point in our twisted lives! :-) Glad to hear I'm not the only one who pulled out "A Name" and used it at will...

(Steak Fingers: overly-processed little fried things that cafeterias call "steak fingers" because they don't want you to know that they actually contain all of the little pork, beef, chicken, and turkey parts that didn't even make the cut at the dog food factory; they feed it to school kids instead)...

Airelee said...

Thanks for the good idea! I'll be sure to pull this one on The Italian when the need arises.