Apr 19, 2005

Not sure how to feel about this

I'm not too sure whether to let out a pitiful sigh, cry tears, or laugh my ass off. I'm just a conundrum of mixed emotions. Let me give you a briefing on "Matt, the Flatt Catt":

-Matt has no legs.
-Matt has little stumps where his legs should be; hence, his first given name was "Stumpy."
-Matt's temporary owner refers to him as a "mewtant."
-I need to type that again: MEWTANT. mewtant. mewtant.
-Matt's deformities extend to his tail, which he only has a quarter of.

View for yourself: Matt, the Flatt Catt


The text says that "Matt lives to be loved." I'd like to agree with that, but I can guarantee you that Scott will say Matt is meant to be shark bait.

Was Matt's mom a heroin addict? Was Matt born deformed because he was a crack baby? Were there just one too many catnip brownies ingested while he was in utero? We'll never know.

I think I would have named him Stubbs. I also like the fact that he squirms around the house like a seal. LIKE A SEAL. I'd give the little guy prosthetic limbs and hook him up with a speedy skateboard.

Ode to Matt

I am Matt.
Matt the Flatt Catt.
I have no legs.
What do you think of that?

I get stuck
if I lie on my back.
Because I am Matt.
Matt the Flatt Catt.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I shouldn't be but I'm really really laughing my tushie off.

Anonymous said...

I'm SO glad you created a post dedicated to "Matt the Flat Cat" because I had seen his, er, profile up there before and I just KNEW there was a great post somewhere within, just waiting to happen, but I couldn't come up with anything. And then! Your post! With the poem! Oh, Stewbie2. It's just too much. Thank you. And thank YOU, Matt the Flat Cat.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, could the mew-tations be due to inbreeding? It says he's from Kentucky....