We had the most rockin' President's Day party EVER! There were beer bongs and weed bongs, and every other type of bong, and everybody was doing the Wang Chung. There were girls with awesome boobs running around semi-nude, slapping each other on the ass, and snapping their thongs while they giggled mischeiveously. There were fountains of Captain Morgan spiced rum, and a never-ending supply of those cute little umbrellas that you put into fruity drinks. We won the lottery, so we handed out $1000 bills to everybody who came, and then we just threw money up into the air and rolled on it while we bathed in chocolate pudding. The best part was when the male strippers arrived: They were all gorgeous, tanned, personal trainers, and every single one of them was straight!
Okay...so I'm kidding. However, you knew that as soon as I mentioned that the gorgeous guys were straight. Up until that point, it was all believeable.
We DID have a party, but it was really just me and Claire. The party started at 1am, and lasted until 7am. There was lots of crying, and whining, but Claire just ignored me and wanted to play with "Little People." I even attempted to teach her time: "Look, Clairey, it's TWO-THIRTY in the morning. No one in Texas is awake except for the little whores who have snuck out of their parents house, and the drunks down on Montrose. It's night-night time!"
Next time she wants to party, she's doing it alone.