Feb 11, 2005

Call off the search

Feb. 11, 2005

New York City Police report that a Brooklyn resident's fake penis has been returned--unopened, and unharmed.

On February seventh, the "Rotating Venus Penis" was delivered by UPS to the correct person, or so they thought. When the package was not delivered to its rightful owner, she contacted UPS and was told that the package had been signed for...at the store downstairs.

It never crossed the UPS driver's mind that when the Puerto Rican chica working the counter downstairs signed for the package, that she used a false name. "I didn't know, I didn't know!" cried the UPS employee, when being asked why he let the girl sign for it. "It never crossed my mind that she would lie! I swear it on my brown knickers!"

After being contacted by UPS, Maria Escalante Guadalajara Chavez, 18, admitted to signing for the package. Her intent was to keep it, but the UPS' investigation scared her and without her greencard, she feared deportation. That evening, the box was returned to its owner.

All contents of the box were intact, with the exception of one DVD, which had been opened, and perhaps, viewed. Needless to say, the "Rotating Venus Penis" was still in its original casing.


VanZan said...

I had a feeling it was Maria Escalante Guadalajara Chavez!!! I never have trusted that bitch.

Maria Escalante Guadalajara Chavez said...

Dat movie was goo yeah!!!

Jenn said...

uhm people from Puerto Rico dont need green cards..i love you and your blog!