Jan 26, 2005

Co-Worker Stereotypes

There are ever so many:

The One That Won't Retire
There are so many, but I'll pick on one because the other goes in a different category. This person attends meetings, but sleeps in them. Nodding off between speakers, if asked a question (loudly), this person mumbles something unidentifiable and nods. This person also sleeps in their office and snores. Good God. Save us all from this farce and RETIRE ALREADY. You're older than Jesus H. Christ!

The One that Has No Fucking Clue
Oh, we all have one of these. The one whom everybody talks about, asking, "What, exactly, does this person do?" Well, you know what? Nobody knows. The only work-related thing you've ever seen this person do is take meeting notes, and we all know the only reason for taking notes is to look like you know what you're doing. WE KNOW YOU'RE STUPID. Stop taking notes already.

The Time-Keeper
"Is this doc ready?" "Do you have this doc for me?" "Did you get this doc yet?"
Yea, I got it TWO FUCKING MINUTES AGO, lady. I can't even piss that fast, let alone edit a document. Leave me alone, and you'll get it when I'm good and ready.

The Bitch
She seems nice, but will talk about you behind your back (blogging doesn't count)at any given moment. She pretends she's your friend, but you hear that she doesn't like you. Fuck off. I don't like you either. You also have lots of wrinkles, and everyone thinks you sleep around. Ha ha. TAKE THAT.

The I-Think-I'm-A-Playa
This one makes friends with you, then hits on you when you least expect it. Since you wouldn't give him the time of day, every time you see him, you can make a smacking motion--Smack down! He's so embarrassed about it, so make sure you don't let him forget that he's a desperate moron.

Last, but not least

The Creepy Boob-looker
This guy is the fricking worst. He can't even hold a conversation with you because he's talking to your boobs. He's the type where, if both of you were working late, you'd lock your office door and put your husband on speaker phone. Ewwww.

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