Jun 22, 2005

Innocence and crap

I love the innocence of my kids. Lucky for me, they still haven't figured out the fine art of lying.

Yesterday, I picked them up from the sitters, and as I entered the house, they both ran for me at break-neck speed because, you know, they hadn't seen me in approximately 8 hours. So, as I'm dealing with Jenna crawling up my left side, and Claire pulling off my shorts, trying to climb up my leg, I'm trying to carry on a humane conversation with the saint of all saints, Miss Dot. Not so easy. If I had 4 arms, it would be so convenient. However, I succumbed to the sharp little toenails digging paths up my legs, and just sat in a crumpled heap on the floor--being mauled by two little girls who both have SO MUCH to tell me. At some point, I'm finally able to pull myself off the floor and tell Jenna to go fetch her movie. She comes running back to me, dvd in hand.

"We didn't watch this today!" she chirps, gleefully.
"Why not?"
She strikes a pose and sings, "Because we were baaaaaddddd!!"

At this point, I'm not sure whether to clap for her lovely performance, or ask her what they did. I opted for the latter.

"I pushed people in the pool," insert more jubilant dancing, "and hit someone!" Arms up in the air, shaking her butt. "And Clairey pulled Skylar's hair and bit her!" Slide step, clap, ta da!

I'm used to this kind of "show," so I simply keep the unamused look on my face and turn to the wee chick: "Did you pull hair and bite?"
"Yeah!" shake, shake, shake.
"Clairey! We do NOT bite and pull hair! That is not nice!" I look at her sternly. She shuffle-steps with her chunky legs, looks at me, then gets a serious look and says, "Momeeeee, I wuff ewww" and blows me a kiss. Evil, evil child.

I get them corralled into the car, and am met with incapacitating screaming when I tell them that NO, they cannot listen to their music because they misbehaved at Miss Dot's today. Oh hell. The entire way home (the whole 4 miles), Clairey was screaming, and Jenna was yelling, "Please, please, please, please..." over and over again. I just turned up the radio and the "pleases" eventually meandered with the bass to produce a nice sound. I can only imagine what the cars next to us were thinking: 2 small children, screaming, and mom in the front seat, bopping away to music with the grin of insanity on her face. Although there was screaming, and more screaming, I was happy not to have to listen to the Shrek 2 cd again. For the thousandth time.

We make it home, and more fun begins. I hear Clairey scream from the playroom. When I go see what happened, Claire gives me the standard answer: "Jenna did it!" So I ask Jenna, "What did you do?" Standard answer: "I did nothing." I look at Jenna and say, "Jenna! I can't believe you bit Claire on the leg!" Jenna looks at me and says, "I didn't bite her! I pushed her because she had my purse!" SO easy. I launch into the "we do not push people" spiel, and Jenna interrupts me with, "But I DIDN'T! Pico did it!" Oh, Pico. That would be "Pico Rivera," her stuffed chihuahua. He's a horrible dog that needs to be gassed. He's always doing shit he's not supposed to be doing. I explain to Jenna that since she was HOLDING Pico at the time of the incident, she's responsible for Pico's actions, so they both must go sit in timeout and think about what they did.

Needless to say, Pico threw a tantrum and ended up going to bed early. The end.


Kathy Rooney said...

Good thing I am home alone - I burst out laughing!!!

void said...

It really can be maddening ... no pun. :0)

Sara said...

Hilarious! Oh and your car scene, I've done the same thing and often wonder (like you) what others must think!

Mona said...

Oh my god, that could not be funnier. Thank you!

ariadneK, Ph.D. said...

DAMN that little Pico...always trying to get the girls in trouble! ;-)

Anonymous said...

Excellent, love it!
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