My neighbor ate a fly. A LIVE fly. Off of a fork (which was good manners).
But it was coated in German chocolate cake.
Does that make it okay?
CHAD. YOU'RE SO GROSS.
I warn all of you--if you ever meet a large, beasty man named "Chad," stay away. He may be the fly-swallowing guy. I mean, Lord, what is this going to lead to?! We all know how it goes: first it's a fly, then it goes to a spider, then a bird, and sweet Jesus, before you know it, he's trying to swallow a random cat. Then it goes on to the dog and the hog and the horse, and mixed in there somewhere is dying. YES. DYING.
You swallowed a FLY, Chad. YOU'RE GOING TO DIE. That's too bad. I really enjoy being your neighbor.
In retrospect, what a stupid-ass fly. I mean, come on. I actually scooped the fly off the cake with a fork, and it sat there. It had to be handicapped or something.
Chad, you ate a HANDICAPPED fly. Shit. Not only are you going to die, but you're going to HELL.