Aug 12, 2005

Draino

Right now, I have a Prozac caplet stuck in my food tube. I don't know how the damn things always get stuck. For God's sake, I can wolf down an entire T-bone and not have an issue, but a teeny-little gel cap? Oh no, it MUST get stuck. Ah yes, nothing better than having some kind of mind-altering acid burning the good 'ol esophagus. When I complained about this a couple of weeks ago, the pharmacist said that I must be "taking it wrong." Um, yea. I don't know a whole hell of a lot about different drugs, but I DO know how to put a pill in your mouth and drink a glass of water. Moron. He seriously said, "Put the pill in your mouth, tilt your head back to get it to move to the back, then take a drink of water." Really? I was so dumbfounded that I couldn't even think of a smartass remark. So I just said, "Ohhhhhh....THAT'S how you do it!?" He also said, that if the pill gets stuck, to eat a piece of bread, or something else "heavy" to help it go down. Well, hate to tell ya Mr. Pharmacist, but I've eaten two hamburger buns, and no dice. The Prozac is still in the pipe, which, if it had an emotions, would be smiling and happy right now. I have scoured my kitchen for "heavy" food, and the only other thing I can think of is the frickin couch. Alas, "davenport" is not a food group, but I'm about to stuff a frickin pillow down my throat just to see if that helps. I'm eyeing the Draino with great interest right now. But who am I kidding? That stuff can't even clear a mean poop out of a U-bend, much less a Prozac caplet stuck in my pipe. It's been 41 minutes. Shouldn't this fucker have disolved by now?

1 comment:

JD said...

*JUST* when I think you can't possibly get funnier... I mean, I am usually just ROARING with laughter when I read your blog... and then I read *this* entry. I can barely breathe, I'm laughing so hard!

You are a riot, girl... you are such a talented writer.