Jul 7, 2005

With compliments, from God

I received, perhaps the best compliment ever, from a very close friend of mine the other day. She has been reading through my past entries, and was commenting on my writing style from "non-medicated-and-hopelessly-lost-in-a-world-of-shit" to "I-am-finally-back-to-being-me-and-so-happy-to-feel-like-this." We were just chatting, and smiling over the glories of prescription medication (that's right, Mr. Cruise, PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION), when she said, "I always feel bad when I read your posts about your kids, because I don't feel like I love mine like that." She went on to say that she doesn't ever look at her child and want to cry because she loves her so much. Certainly, that doesn't make her a bad mother. I know she loves her little one just as much as I love mine. So what's the difference? I think it all depends on what kind of emotional person you are.
Some people can simply say, "I love you," and with those three words, convey all the feeling and emotion they have. I'm not one of those people. With the chicks, it would be rather silly to try to explain it to them by saying something such as, "I love you. I love everything about you, from your toes to the curls on your head. I love your spirit, I love the way you smell, I love the way your eyes dance." They'd never get it. When Jenna was about one and a half, I SO wanted to express to her how much love I actually had for her (without producing a thesaurus), and at a lack for words, I looked at her and said, with my entire heart, "I just love you." That, that one extra word in a popular 3-word phrase, made it mine--made it ours.
There are so few moments in life when the feeling of love is so overwhelming that it threatens to burst from your face in a radiant smile, or escape from your eyes in happy tears. So few moments. I have to say, however, that since I've been blessed with the chicks, those moments happen often. Maybe it's just me, maybe it's just because these kids have me by the heartstrings. I'm not a super-religious person, but I do believe in the power of God. I've always been a Christian, but having kids renewed my faith. I see my children loving each other, beating the crap out of each other (hey, they're sisters!), and caring about each other I think, "How can there NOT be a God?" To me, it's just so evident. It's most evident when I get big hugs around the neck, a kiss, and a little voice whispering, "Mommy, I just love you."

8 comments:

steelcowboy said...

There is no light like that which shines from the face of a child...

void said...

With a big smile - God Bless You, Steph! Understanding how you feel about your children, can you even begin to imagine how God feels about you ???

Sara said...

Amen to that.

Lisa said...

Ditto Amen. You express how I feel so eloquently. Reading this makes me want to cry.

Anonymous said...

:<) Put so well, as always. Your girls are so loved and lucky! - Amy

BipolarPrincess said...

I only feel like that when they are gone. Is that bad?

ariadneK, Ph.D. said...

Beautiful post!

Jen said...

I feel it most when they're asleep, and I go into their rooms to pull up their blanket, smooth their hair... I get so drunk with love I actually shake because I'm trying hard not to scream thank yous up to God.