I had my review today. I got an E. The highest is an S. Why didn't I get an S, you ask? Well, let me tell you. It's because I don't (a)kiss ass, (b)kiss ass, or (c)kiss ass. But the main reason is because I don't kiss ass.
The bossman acted like getting an E is a big deal. Only a "few" people "earn" Es. I casually put my 2004 review on his table, right next to my 2003 review; where I also "earned" an E. While he was dribbling nonsense out of his pie hole, I silently compared my last years review to this one, then I stared him right in the eyes and said, "Comparing these two reviews, wherein my 'Objectives' and 'Metrics' are identical to last year's, it is clear to see that I have acheived more dynamic results for the year of 2004, than in 2003--yet I still earned an E? To earn an S, the company policy states that one should go 'above and beyond' that which is required of them. I have done so, which is proven by my measured results. What do I have to do to earn an S?"
(Don't you like all that hoopty-ha-ha talk? I should be a lawyer.)
So anyways, bossman gives me a nervous look, twiddles his thumbs, glances around and says, "Ummm....well, it's not me, it's the 'system' we have to use." Whatever.
The life one must lead when one is not a kisser of asses! I refuse to pucker up and floss ass-hair out of my teeth. I refuse to take on new ventures, simply because I want to look good to the higher-ups.
Although I have given Scott this advice: "You don't have to KISS anyones ass, but you should at least get close enough to smell it," I am now taking it back. You shouldn't even have to smell it. Even if you can WAFT and smell, you're too close. Fuck off, ass-kissers of the world! You're ruining it for the rest of us!