Mar 1, 2005

Don't even sniff

I had my review today. I got an E. The highest is an S. Why didn't I get an S, you ask? Well, let me tell you. It's because I don't (a)kiss ass, (b)kiss ass, or (c)kiss ass. But the main reason is because I don't kiss ass.

The bossman acted like getting an E is a big deal. Only a "few" people "earn" Es. I casually put my 2004 review on his table, right next to my 2003 review; where I also "earned" an E. While he was dribbling nonsense out of his pie hole, I silently compared my last years review to this one, then I stared him right in the eyes and said, "Comparing these two reviews, wherein my 'Objectives' and 'Metrics' are identical to last year's, it is clear to see that I have acheived more dynamic results for the year of 2004, than in 2003--yet I still earned an E? To earn an S, the company policy states that one should go 'above and beyond' that which is required of them. I have done so, which is proven by my measured results. What do I have to do to earn an S?"

(Don't you like all that hoopty-ha-ha talk? I should be a lawyer.)

So anyways, bossman gives me a nervous look, twiddles his thumbs, glances around and says, "Ummm....well, it's not me, it's the 'system' we have to use." Whatever.

The life one must lead when one is not a kisser of asses! I refuse to pucker up and floss ass-hair out of my teeth. I refuse to take on new ventures, simply because I want to look good to the higher-ups.

Although I have given Scott this advice: "You don't have to KISS anyones ass, but you should at least get close enough to smell it," I am now taking it back. You shouldn't even have to smell it. Even if you can WAFT and smell, you're too close. Fuck off, ass-kissers of the world! You're ruining it for the rest of us!


ariadneK, Ph.D. said...

I suspect that getting an S rating might involve orogenital contact...(ewwwwwww!!!).

When annual-review time rolls around, I never hesitate to give both of my laboratory technicians S ratings and therefore a 7% salary increase. Unfortunately, the institute's director only give me an E and a 5% increase...oh well, I refuse to kiss his ass so I'll just have to deal with it!

Ailyn said...

I was just going to say, getting an S would probably mean a bigger raise. So, nope sorry. Sux.

Mamma G said...

Oy, I hear ya sista!
They already know how much they're going to give you , so they retrofit the evaluation to match the amount.
I've never seen it done another way.
The budget's already in stone, so you can only earn equal to or less than what's already allocated.

What's the point!?