The yearly photo montage

And here it is...the girls' yearly photo montage.

OH, Sweet baby Jesus. She's EIGHT.

Jenna,
Here we are...today is your EIGHTH birthday! I can't believe it. Time has gone by so very quickly, and here you are, an 8-year old. It's a special day for both of us: You, because you're celebrating your birthday; and me, because another year has gone by where I haven't ended up in a straight jacket because of your sassy attitude. Congrats to us both!

This past year has been an amazing one for you. You've learned so much, and have developed into a spectacular young girl. You are extremely quirky; that's what I love about you the most. You play how you want, sing how you want, do what you want--you don't care how "odd" other people might find your actions. You know what? That's what makes you an awesome kid. You DON'T "go with the flow." You carve your own path.

There are no words that can say how proud I am of you. You've got a powerful trifecta, baby: brains, attitude, and beauty. I'm doing my best to help you grow into a confident and capable young woman, but you're at that age where being humble is still being learned. You'll tell me, "I'm a genius" or "I'm the smartest one in my class." Both of those may be true, but you can't just say that. I tell you to, "Say those things in your head--not out of your mouth." At least you're confident!

Since you've been two, you've told everyone that will listen that you are going to be a zooligist, specializing in big cats. Still, that remains your dream. You're convinced that you're going to do a college internship in Namibia at the Cheetah Conservation Fund. Your goal is to save the cheetahs from extinction. You know what? I don't doubt that you will.

There is only one word to describe you: AMAZING. And it still doesn't give you the justice you deserve.

The world is not ready for you, girl.

You are my heart.

xoxox,

Mommy

"Hang Ten"--not just for surfers

The other day, the chicks and I were picking up some snackity-type nourishment at a local establishment. While we were waiting, I noticed something. Something horrible. Something that should NEVER happen. I had to take a picture so that I could document this atrocity. I was able to slyly take the photo by feigning interest in a "funny shoe picture" of my childrens' feet.

Can you find it?

Let's take a closer look:

Ladies, if you can grasp the edge of your sandals with your toes, then they are too small. These things were hanging off the edge of her sandals by a good 1/4 inch. Like I said: "Hang ten"--apparently, it's not just for surfers.

More Claireyisms

I should really just write a book, which would be a compilation of all that comes out of this kid's mouth.

Yesterday, on the way home from gymnastics, the girls and i were discussing how school went that day. It was Clairey's turn, and she was telling Jen and I how she has a friend named, "Ashley" (i think--it was an 'A' name--i know that for sure). Clairey was saying how nice she is, and how they play nice. Then she says, "She's 'a meez.'"
"A what?" I asked.
"A MEEZ," says my child.
"Huh?" says Jen.
"A. MEEEEEZ!!" says Clairey, emphatically.
"Baby, I don't know what a 'meez' is."

And then, I get this:
"Moooom! You know...'a meez.' Like, 'vietmameeez, chimeeez, japanameez!"

God help me. If I don't drive off the road in hysterical laughter by the time this kid is 10, i'm going to consider myself a success.

Simpler times...

Every adult i know, at least at some point, has wished that they could go back to the simpler times of childhood. I was just reminded of this when I found the following, scribbled on a "High School Musical" notepad:

Jenna A. Townsend's Favorite Things...

Fav food:
ice cream
tacos
nachos

Fav animals:
cheetah
lion
leopard
tiger

It made me smile.

Not new news

Kanye is a douche. But this is funny:
http://kanyelicious.appspot.com/www.evilpigs.blogspot.com

Note to self

There will be no more slumber parties in this house until the attendees are old enough to take care of themselves, then drive themselves home the next morning.

Let it be spoken. Let it be done.

Happy Birthday to me, how crappy can it be?

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 35. THIRTY FIVE. I'm not particular about my age, which is why i don't mind sharing. There's always someone that will be older than me, and someone will always be younger than me, so who gives a rat's ass?

My day started out as such:

After I got home from lunch (which was lovely--my coworker brought me cupcakes from Crave--delish), and the girls got home from school, we left straight from there to gymnastics.

Gymnastics was great; albeit, Jenna deemed it necessary to whine about how she didn't want to read, and how BORING reading was. BLASPHEMY!! Clairey had a great workout. We all piled back into my new car, backed out, and someone backed out right into me.

SO...the backend needs to be replaced, the right light, and the right-side quarter panel. I don't even have real plates on it yet--still paper. Lovely.

[I drop of the car at the body shop tomorrow. Dammit.]

Surely, they jest.

Pop tax

If they put a tax on pop, i'm going to be broke. I drink a lot of freakin' pop. Diet Coke, to be exact. My good friend Nicole will also be in a shitload of trouble.

If I go broke because of a pop tax, i'm going to have to lay the beat-down on some people.

The things you hear at Olive Garden

Ahem...

Me: "Clairey what is that on your hand?"
Clairey: [Loud, as usual] "Little, blue fuckers!"

And here, we have uproarious laughter.

Explanation: She had taken a marker and drawn little blue dots all over the palm of her hand. They were little, blue FRECKLES.

And then we get home, and she proceeds to run after Jenna yelling, again, at the top of her lungs, "You're a nip ho!"

I have no explanation for THAT.

This kid is going to kill me.

She's six. Holy crap.

Yesterday, my baby girl turned SIX. I know this is cliche, but it really feels like yesterday that she was in my tummy, just waiting to bust out. She is, indeed, one of the two most amazing kids ever (Jenna being the other). She is loving, kind, smart, and so freaking funny. Example:

Me: [breaking off a piece of cookie and showing Clairey] Look, a right triangle.
Jenna: Isosceles.
Clairey: Gracias!

SHE, herself, is entertainment. All wrapped up into a tiny little body. SO...here we go:

~Letter to Clairey~

Clairey,
My little piglet, I love you so much. So much more than words could ever say. So much more than my arms can hold you. You are the most loving little girl. I have garnered more kisses from you at 6 years old, than most people will get in a lifetime. I love how, as I sit reading to you and your sister, you snuggle up to my side, and just sit there---giving me little kisses on my arm. Every once in a while, i'll have to say, "Clairey, scoot over! I can't turn the page," and you'll say, "But mommy, I just love you SO much!" Heartmelter.

You are now in your 3rd week of kindergarten. You have brought home, approximately, 15 drawings--I am not kidding when I say that 90% of them are of you and i holding hands with hearts over our heads. On nearly every worksheet you bring home, there is either a picture of you and I, or a little kindergarten-scribble that says, "I [heart] Mommy."

You've had a hard time, not at school, but being HOME after school. After you hop off the bus, with that sweet smile on your face, you'll start to cry at the tiniest of things. We don't have grapes? Let's cry. The chair is pushed in wrong? Let's cry about that, too. You're tired. Full-day kindergarten is a lot for a little one. However, you say that the problem is that you miss me. "School is SO LONG," you say, "and I miss you all day!" I miss you, too, pumpshkin. But you'll be fine--one day, you won't miss me when you're at school---and then I'LL probably cry.

Here you are, suddenly a little girl--not a baby--and i'm beside myself with tears/pride/emotion. You are growing into such a lovely little person. You have an amazing heart, and a brilliant mind. You are an amazing gymnast. One day, we'll all see you in the Olympics--i am sure of that. Your coaches adore you, and I adore watching you. I'm so proud. I'm proud of who you are, and what you are becoming. I am so proud to be your mommy; so proud to be able to watch you grow up.

But remember: You may grow older with every passing year, but you will ALWAYS be my baby girl.

I love you more than the world,
Mommy
xoxox

Words, words, words

Hooking on to my last post--there are so many words that Clairey says that are just too damn funny. Behold:

Atergade (Gatorade)
Unicorns (acorns)
Secret Asian (Secret Agent)
Canimal (camel)
Pasketti (spaghetti)
Eyelbraws (eyebrows)

and there are more. Tons more. I just can't think because the damn skin cat is sitting on my lap, sucking on his leg. He's so gross.

Kindergarten, Asians, and Unicorns...Oh My!

So...my baby is a kindergartner. (Do you guys notice how often I start sentences with "so"? I do, too. And I don't care.) And she is, without a doubt, the cutest, smartest kindergartner there is. Two weeks in, and she's already the teacher's favorite. Rock on, little sister.

I'm really happy that Jenna and Clairey are so different from each other. This way, it's going to be really difficult for their teachers to compare them. For instance, Clairey has the same kindergarten teacher that Jenna had two years ago. However, Clairey is so different from Jenna, there's no way the teacher can compare them. It's like apples and oranges. Or butter and grapefruit. Yeah, butter and grapefruit--that's totally different.

Clairey's loving school, but this week, has not been wanting to go. She said that "school takes too long," and that she misses me. Cutie-poo-pie. Now, on to Asians.

Clairey was playing "Secret Asian" with Jenna the other day. Yes, we've discussed this before. But hell, people, that's just damn funny.

Last night, the Wee One and i were outside and she was collecting acorns. She had a bunch in her hand and said, "Mommy, look at all my unicorns!" You know, there are times when you just don't WANT to correct them.