All about her

Jenna: (grabbing mommy's face, under the chin, and looking at her with wide, expressive eyes) Have you seen that new, talking vacuum?!
Mommy: No, I haven't.
Jenna: Mommy, it is SO cool!
Mommy: Wherever would I find such a thing?
Jenna: (letting go of mommy's face and raising her hands in a confused act) I don't know!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Mommy: Claire, do you have pee-pee panties?
Claire: (slowly but emphatically shaking head up and down to say yes)
Mommy: Do you have poo-poo?
Claire: (slowly but emphatically shaking head side to side)
Mommy: Okay, let's go get new panties!Claire: (goes to her room, gets diaper and wipes, then lies on the floor)
~*~*~*~*~*~
Jenna: Mommy, I need 'hack-a-moe'
Mommy: I know, honey, I know.
Jenna: Mommy, I need 'elefun'
Mommy: Yes, honey, I know.
Jenna: Stephanie, I love you.
Mommy: What's my name?
Jenna: Mommy.Mommy: Then quit calling me Stephanie.
Jenna: Okay, Stephanie. I love you mommy.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Mommy: I love you boo magoo.
Claire: ah loo yoo, mommeee.
Mommy: (sitting in a melted lump of love and kisses, trying to figure out how to move before she eats the child standing before her)

Pink hearts, yellow moons, blue diamonds...

Much like "Lucky Charms," my children are "magically delicious." I sometimes must push my children away from me because my mouth has a mind of its own, and wants nothing more than to stuff itself full of baby cheeks. And the feet...what is it about baby toes? They are like hor d'oerves of the Gods. And just the right snackin' size, too. The lips. Oh. The. Lips. Can I just die? I just want to bite 'em off and chew 'em up. Bubblegum delicious. I may need to start taking an antipsychotic. News headline: Mother Eats Children, States, "They were SO delicious!"

Handbasket to hell

I have a performance to do at school tonight--a duet scene. Act 7 from "After Easter." I get to drop the F-bomb. I get to say it loud. Tee hee hee. There's a nun in my class--this should be really fun. Will I go to hell for this? I'm enjoying it thoroughly, so probably. In our scene, we're also hitting off a flask and being blasphemous. SO FUN. I feel like I have a license to kill.

If it weren't for those meddling kids...

As I uncrossed and crossed my legs at work yesterday, there was a slight pulling on my left thigh. If felt as if a small area had been waxed by some invisible troll hiding under my skirt. I reached my hand up my skirt to rub that area on my thigh, and felt something...I pulled it off, and looked. It was a Scooby-Doo sticker. A Scooby-Doo sticker. That reminds me: At school on Tuesday night, I reached into my school bag to get one of my books. Instead of pulling out a book, I pulled out Tinkerbell Barbie. That's what happens when you're a mom.

10 things I miss about my pre-mommy life

Not that I don't simply adore my "mommy" life, but there are certain things I miss. Not in any particular order:
1. Sleep. Obviously. The 5-6 hours of completely interrupted sleep is just not working well for me.
2. Sitting down with dh and watching a movie that does not involve a Mexican, pint-sized explorer with a talking primate.
3. Options. I can no longer even consider joining the Peace Corps, teaching English in Japan, or just packing up and moving to Mexico. Having loud, noisy sex in the kitchen is pretty much out, too.
4. My boobs. I can't even remember having boobs that do not make milk.
5. Going out and only carrying my license and some lip gloss. For a 5-minute trip to the grocery store, it looks like we're packing for an expedition to Alaska.
6. Reading books. Grown-up books.
7. Quiet. I used to have so much quiet time, I'd get bored. Now, I get, roughly 5 minutes. And that's only if their naps overlap.
8. Real food. Back when chicken nuggets & macaroni and cheese weren't part of my home menu. 9. Selfishness. My kids look great, I look like ass. What's "me" time?
10. Not worrying about every child in the universe. I barely remember a time when I blamed everything on the parent. Now, my heart breaks everytime I hear of a child missing or hurt.

Nebulizers R Us

I have bronchitis. I worked from home today and I actually WORKED. When I work from home, I usually "work" from home--you know...I really don't "work" in the sense of "working." I'm taking augmentin. Those pills are the size of a small goat. Ugh. I put one in my mouth and my mouth just doesn't really know what to do with it. My brain is saying, "Swallow! Swallow the damned thing!" Yet my mouth is setting off an alarm that's saying, "Chew! Chew! Oh. My. God. Chew!" The whole thing ultimately ends up in my choking on the pill until my throat gives in and pushes the thing down. I have the things for 10 days, 2x a day, so my life isn't going to improve much in the coming days. Tonight's Scott's poker night. Me and the chicks were supposed to go to Angel's and just spend the night, but I'd rather not get lung tissue on her floor. I called her and apologized. As much as I'd love to go over there, let the kids play, and treat myself to a drink, the combination of chest congestion and antibiotics just doesn't mix well with liquor. You know...I could make a Hot Toddy and call it therapuetic.

A mess of globbity-goo

November?! What a wonderful, wonderful weekend! I SO love the time I get to spend with my babies. Jenna was pretty good at gymnastics on Saturday. I still had to sit by the wall, but she at least participated. We left with her telling me how much she loves gymnastics. She's becoming attached to one of the instructors, and i think that helps a lot. She doesn't do well with change, so as long as Traci is her teacher, she does okay. ~**~~*~*~*~*~*Over the monitor, I heard Claire crying--just waking from her nap. I was about to go get her, then I hear Jenna: "Hi, Boo-boo. Hi my boo-boo magoo! Did you have a nice sleepy? Did you?" I spent the next few minutes cleaning my melted heart off the floor.