Let's be real

If the Girl Scouts were smart, they'd list the caloric content of Thin Mints by the sleeve. Let me help out all of you fellow Thin-Mint-eaters:

Serving Size: 1 sleeve
Calories:640
Fat: 32g
Carbs: 88

Like Mother, Like Daughter

Yesterday night, the chicks got into some kind of weird cleaning frenzy. They cleaned the playroom together, then Jenna went on to clean the "sleeping room," and the bathroom. She does this every once in a while, and it's very rarely that she can coerce Clairey into taking part in it. Claire, like most 3-year olds, makes more of a mess when trying to clean up then actually cleaning up. After each room was clean, I'd have to be led to that room (with my eyes closed), so the chicks could yell, "Surprise!" and show me what they had done. Wherein, I would act as if I had won a million dollars, and cover them in kisses to show how proud I was.

The way Jenna cleans up, is rather intriguing. Now, it's been well-publicized through this blog that I suffer (well, USED to suffer--yay for medication) from serious OCD. Gotta wonder if I've passed it on to the kid. In the playroom, she had all her "grasslands" animals lined up by type. Siberian tigers first--by size, then the regular tigers, then the leopards, then the feral cats. I actually don't know if they're feral, but since she says they live in the grasslands, lets say they are. Then I walked into the bathroom and saw this:

I asked Jen why she put everything on the side of the bathtub (these are what they play with in the bathtub--"real" tub toys?? WHY? They're quite happy with measuring spoons...). She replied, "Because this is how things go. First the circles, then the greens." NICE.

I just gave her a kiss, then walked back to the living room. 

Jenna: She's something else.

Oh yea, Big Time

25 days and counting....

Wedding dress: check (still need shoes, boob lifter, and 3 ft trimmed off the bottom)
Hotel room for wedding night: check
Honeymoon: check
New camera: check (not that it has anything to do with the wedding, but it's another thing I'm excited about)

yee hee!!

Open Letter

Dear Farmers of America,

Thank you for providing all of us Americans with healthy things to eat, like fresh fruit and vegetables. And to you ranchers: thanks for the beef--couldn't live without it. So, as I was eating my lunch, which comprised of lettuce and more lettuce, I was thinking, "Wow...this sure is 'lettucy." And I began thinking: there are tons of 'hybrid' fruits and vegetables (and probably cows), can you come up with another alternative for lettuce? I mean, there are different types of lettuce, but lets face it: They all taste GREEN. Can you come up with a lettuce that tastes like Frito pie? You can? Great. Get started.

Bless you,
Stephanie

Conversations with Jenna

[Driving home the other day, there were a bazillion birds flying through the air. It was very Hitchcockian. ]

Jenna: "MOM! Look at that herd of birds!"

Happy Valentines Day!

Or, if you prefer, "Happy Sweetest Day!" It's actually still the 13th--I'm just a bit early. It's 10:24 pm, and the chicks are just NOW asleep. Seriously, getting them to bed is easy. Getting them to go to sleep is very tough. I just snuck out to get everyone's V-day treats ready for tomorrow morning.

I'm tired and all I can think about is how I have laundry to do, and timesheets to submit. Isn't life a bitch?

Who invented the speculum?

Because, seriously, they need their ass kicked. Every woman cringes when they hear this:

"Can you pass me the larger speculum, please? I can't see enough with this one."

Please. Please spread me as wide open as humanly possible because it's comfortable. About as comfortable as riding a boys bicycle then trying to hop up the curb and not making it and popping off the seat and landing directly onto said bar. Wait, it's even more uncomfortable than that.

And when the doctor says, "This is going to cramp a little," what she actually means is, "Hold on tight, because i'm going to put something that you can't see, up inside you, then it's going to pinch like a mother fucker."

If the doctor would just tell the truth, we all wouldn't get our hopes up about these "easy" procedures.

Good news: No cancer on the outside of the cervix. Now we wait for the internal report...

Food meme: 5 foods and what they mean to you

Five foods: what they mean to you, why you like them, why they're special, why everyone must try them, why you will eat them for the rest of your life. Go.

1. Artichokes. So random, right? Growing up, my mom always let us choose what to eat on our birthdays. I always chose artichokes. They're an expensive vegetable, so we never bought them on a regular basis. Everytime i eat one, i think of my special birthday meals. Artichokes are the cat's pajamas.

2. Raw potatoes. I will always pick them from the pot and crunch them raw. My favorite uncle was killed in a motorcycle wreck when I was in 5th grade. He and I used to hijack raw potato pieces from my grama when she was making mashed potatoes. I didn't really like them, but I wanted to be just like him, so i'd choke them down with a forced, "mmmmm!" I actually like them now, and they remind me of him.

3. Sushi. Sushi makes me happy. It reminds me of my mom and my sister, and special "girl" time. Now my girls eat sushi, and it's something that we carve out special time for.

4. Guinness. This is a heavy beer, so it counts as food, right? I've always loved Guinness, but it never meant anything to me other than a good buzz until a wonderful night at The Black Labrador, where over a pint of Guinness, I realized that I had found the love of my life. Now just the taste of it makes me smile.

5. Strawberry Jell-o pie. Another birthday thing. My mom used to make this pie, special, just for me. She still does it. :)

Search Words

Every once in a while, I'll check out my stat counter to see how many people are viewing the good 'ol blog, who's checking it out, etc. Another thing I can check, is what words people are "googling" that bring them to my blog. I present to you, exhibit A:


I think--okay, I hope--that you will find the 3 search terms that I find, well, frickin' weird.

1. "girls gone wild at home school pictures"
Okay, the "girls gone wild"--I can see that there could be searches for that. But the additon of "at home school pictures"?! You're nasty.


2. "please suggest me how can i see my sis boobs"
First off, if you're trying to figure out how to see your sister's boobs, you have a big problem (and so does your sister). You're inbred. Stop it now, and get some help. Secondly, I don't care if you're trying to use your manners, and say, "please." It's still disturbing. Again, get some help.


3. "women likin women's pee holes"
Um...wow. I'm actually stumped with this one.

I flip for them

My little pumpshkins, after gymnastics...