New Orleans----Tissue Expander style (FBtF)

This weekend, I was able to get out of the house. And by 'get out of the house', i'm not talking a trip to the grocery store--i'm talking a TRIP. We went to New Orleans.

The Munch had a gymnastics meet on Sunday in NO, so we left on Saturday morning. Word to the wise: I do NOT recommend a 6-hour drive when you're only 3 weeks out from getting your boobies lopped off and replaced with tissue expanders. Did you write that down? Okay, i'll wait. I assume you're writing. Okay, moving on...

That ride was awful. It started out okay--mainly because i was so excited to be going somewhere. I felt like a dog in a pickup. However, about 2 hours into the ride (read: Still in Texas), I had had enough. I was uncomfortable as all get-out, even though I was listening to Air Supply and acting out the songs for the girls. They kept ignoring me. I don't know why.

Also note: That 18-mile-long bridge in Louisianna?? Yeah, they need to refurbish that thing. It is really bumpy. And, although the tissue expanders don't move, I CAN feel the saline inside swishing around--it made for an odd sensation. For 18 miles.

We finally got to the hotel, and I immediately lied down with my heating pad. After a bit, we went and got something to eat, and found out where the convention center was for Clairey's meet. (It was really close to the hotel--thank God!) That night, we just played it safe and watched tv in our room. It really kind of sucks being in such a fun city and not being able to do anything.

Sunday, we got up and went to Clairey's meet. She did a great job! We were worried about the seating, and how I was going to sit comfortably for 4 hours, but the chairs weren't bad, and as long as I leaned back into the chair, I was alright. Afterwards, I was feeling alright, so we took a walk down towards the Quarter and had dinner at the Gordon Biersch brewery. The walk back was slightly painful, but it just felt so nice to be out and moving! Again, back to the hotel, showers, and tv. :) I know...wild and crazy.

Monday morning came quickly, and thank goodness, the ride home went by quickly, as well.

I am now 3.5 weeks out from the surgery. I have to say that the worst part--even worse than the boob removal--is the tissue expanders. I can see how, if I wouldn't have wanted a rebuild, that i'd already be back to normal. One of my breast-cancer friends' plastic surgeons said, "The difference between a matectomy, and a mastectomy with tissue expanders is narcotics." With the tissue expanders, it's just constant pain and uncomfortableness. I'll admit that there have been days where i've thought, "Ugh. I should've just NOT gotten a rebuild and just wore fake boobs for the rest of my life." But i know, ultimately, i wouldn't have been happy with that decision. Dr. Boobenstein says 3 more fills...I go for another tomorrow, which will knock that number down to 2. The day of the fill, and the day after, is pretty uncomfortable. But can I do it? YES, I can!

From boobs to foobs...almost there...

Healing, healing, healing... (FBtF)

And it's boring, boring, boring. I want to drive, and I want to exercise. Two things that i've always taken for granted. BUT...i'm being a good girl and not doing either. I'm hoping I can drive by next week. I'm going to try to take a spin around the neighborhood later this week. I know...crazy.

For the most part, 90% of the pain is gone. I have one odd spot on my left foob--actually more in towards my armpit--that, if I use that arm JUST RIGHT, sends a horrible, sharp, burning sensation from that area on my body to my left foob. Actually...they're not even 'foobs' yet--just tissue expanders. So I have to be really careful. I can't exactly use my arms to lift my body yet--they're weak, and  because the tissue expanders are UNDER my pecs, it's just weird. If I use my pecs, they press down on the expanders and the sensation is just...odd. It doesn't really hurt, but it sure as heck isn't comfortable. And, since i've had my drains removed (still so glorious!), my chest lumps are holding fluid. So now, it looks like I have water weenies at my 'under boob' area. Always something. But, i've been assured that it's completely normal and my body will reabsorb the fluid. I hope so, lest I 'slosh' when I walk.

I still have no strength with certain movements--again, like opening child-proof medicine bottles or changing a roll of toilet paper. I do, however, have really good mobility! I can almost hold my arms over my head, and nearly hold them all the way out to the sides. My muscles are still learning. So strange, because i've always been flexible in every way.

I go in for my second 'fill' on Thursday afternoon. It doesn't hurt, but what IS weird is when Dr. Boobenstein wipes the area on my chest with rubbing alcohol. My skin is totally numb, but my MUSCLE can feel that there's something there--so again, totally odd sensation. It's so strange that it almost hurts--does that make sense? Another weird thing(s)--At the beginning of this week, my skin hurt. Mostly under my arms and on my upper chest. I found out that it's because my nerves are refiring, and finding out that i'm burned from the inside out. When they removed all my breast tissue, they cauterized as they went--so inside, i'm burned. As the nerves refire, you start to feel it. It's like a  bad sunburn. The nurse also said that this is why, when I drink something cold, I can REALLY feel it across my chest--because i'm burned on the inside, cold drinks feel really chilly as they're going down. How weird is that?? I have also noticed some marks on my skin where the cauterization came through to the outside--they're little burn marks, and I had one blister under my arm. Super strange.

The tissue expanders, in case you were wondering, are extremely uncomfortable. They feel like rocks--very hard, with super-tight skin/muscle over the tops of them. They're lumpy and uneven, and one is bigger than the other, but when I'm wearing clothes (well, pajamas), it looks like I have boobies. Just really hard, uncomfortable boobs. I can only sleep on my back. I tried to sleep on my side, and the expanders are so non-pliable, that they push into my sternum and my ribcage, and it hurts. So, on my back it is. I'm developing a weird callic (sp?) in my hair--like the kinds that babies get from sleeping on their backs all the time. It's sexy. The girls make me a 'pillow nest' every night, then help me crawl into it. It's one of those U-shaped full body pillows, with an additional 3 pillows stacked on the back where my head/back goes then another pillow under each arm. It looks comfy, but when you've been sleeping like that for nearly 3 weeks, not so much. I desperately want to sleep on my belly, but that's MONTHS away...for sure, not until i get the foobs put in, and not until I heal completely from THAT surgery.

This has been, and continues to be such a strange journey. But i'm good to go. As soon as I can get out of this house a bit, I know i'll feel much better and time will fly by. From here on out, it's one doctor appt per week until the tissue expanders are the right size. Then another surgery to place my permanent foobs. Then I heal from that...

DRAIN FREE! (FBtF)

This morning, at the bright and shiny hour of 730am, I had all 4 of my drains removed!! WHOOP! That means I no longer look like the Predator. [And I can't make that noise either--although I try my hardest. But really, I had two drain tubes coming out of each armpit, then these bottles that looked like grenades strapped around my middle. Sexy? Not so much. In fact, I can't decide which is LESS sexy--the drain grenades or the half-filled foobs. It's kind of a toss up.

Anyways, this morning, I went to see Dr. Boobenstein and he removed all my drains! And guess what? It really didn't hurt at all. Which I was super excited about, because really, I don't like pain. At our last meeting, when he said he would remove drains, I asked, "Does it hurt?" To which he replied, "No." So I asked, "Are you lying to me?" He assured me that he was not. So he didn't lie--two thumbs up for him. But, let me tell you--it was the most disgusting thing EVER. I felt no pain, but I could still feel the 12" drainage tubes coming out of my foobs.

Grossest. Thing. In. The. World.

I had two that started in my armpit, then went in my body around the bottom of the foob, and up into my sternum. THAT WHOLE THING PULLED OUT OF MY CHEST. (Excuse me while I gag.) I had to turn away because all I could think about was National Geographic and something I saw where a nasty worm tunnels into your leg and they have to make a slit in your ankle and lure it out with bacon then start wrapping the worm around a stick. Disgusting, right? I mean, if I were a worm, I'd leave a leg for bacon, but that's kind of beside the point.

Seriously the most 'gross' non-pain i've ever felt. I shall gag about that one for a looong time.

Regardless, I feel SO much better without those damned drains. Annnnddd...I got my first fill (actually, my second...my first was done when the tissue expanders were put in). I'm in a bit of pain right now, but just so stinkin' happy those crappy drains are gone! WOO HOOO!!

Milestone obliterated. Cancer can kiss my ass. That is all.

Catchin' ya from the flip side (FBtF)

Here I am, ladies and gents--a week and 4 days out from Boobmageddon. I'd say I fared quite well.

On Friday the 28th, I arrived at the hospital at 6am. Shortly after checking in, I was brought back to 'pre op,' where I received 2 lovely injections into the killer boob. The injections were prefaced by a warning that the first shot would hurt...a lot. The nurse talked to me for a while about how much that first injection would hurt--because it's a big needle, it has to go to the center of my breast...and so on. She said the second shot is just superficial, with an itty bitty needle, and it won't hurt at all. Great. So I was already about to pass out before the first shot. I just kept thinking, 'This will be nothing. THIS is nothing..." The nurse said as soon as she 'stuck' me, she'd count backwards from 10, and when we got to 1 it would be over. SO...deep breath...stick...10, 9...i don't feel a thing...8, 7...waiting...6, 5, 4...really...i feel nothing...3, 2, 1...over! I didn't feel a darn thing! She couldn't believe it. On to the little needle. It was so tiny and skinny it was laughable. She stuck it in, and HOLY SHIT. That little thing burned like a mother f$%*er. I don't know if the lady was trying to use reverse psychology or what, but that itty bitty needle hurt like hell. Then, I had to wait...for 2 hours.

My family was allowed to come back and visit me, which i was happy about. I really wasn't nervous...i still had the feeling that 'this really isn't happening'--which, honestly, I still have today. Even boobless. Before we knew it, it was time for me to go. The nurse came in and put something in my IV...then it gets REALLY fuzzy. I remember being wheeled into the OR by a male nurse...i remember going through the halls. I also remember that I didn't have a cap on (and that I was supposed to). I remember going through the big, double doors...and i remember saying, "Well, THIS isn't very impressive." Then I woke up to a nurse saying, "That's it! You're in recovery--great job!" The first words out of my mouth were, "Where's my mom?" She had to ask me a few times because I was having a hard time talking (because my mouth was so dry from the tube). I finally got through to her and she went to get her. *She only stayed for a minute, then they moved me up to my room and she met me there. I really don't remember much of that first day at all.

On Saturday, they decided to feed me. Which I was happy about. But it was a liqud diet--in case the medicine made me puke. Which it did not. I never felt queasy at all. Really though--2 thumbs up for St. Luke's chicken broth. That's some good shit. It was hard to eat though--I couldn't lift my arm, so the nurse had to feed me. Then we got smart and just put a straw in my broth. :) Saturday afternoon, they removed my catheter. I wanted that thing out, but afterwards, decided that I should have rallied to keep it in. Because with it OUT, i had to get out of bed. Getting up was difficult, to say the least. Even with help, it felt like meat ripping off a bone. That's the most accurate descriptor I can come up with. It felt like meat ripping, then my sternum would catch on fire. It was absolutely awful. It still hurts like that with certain movements. That day, everytime I moved, I'd sing, "Meat RIPPER!!" Because all nurses like it when their patients sing made-up songs loud enough for the whole hall to hear.

Sunday, I got to go home. I was absolutely ready to get home to our house. The ride was okay. I brought a pillow to put between me and the seatbelt. 

...and i'll have to finish later. It hurts to type--holding your arms at a 'typing angle' is rather difficult--who knew?

Alas, BOOBMAGEDDON has arrived!

I admit...there's a part of me that wishes the damned Mayans were right about 12/21. Just goes to show you--you can't trust a Mayan. They're sneaky little bastards. Although, I do very much appreciate Chichen Itza. So, thanks for that one, Mayans. However, your 'end of life apocolypse' ideas are way off.

Today is BOOBMAGEDDON. And it will happen. Unlike the sneaky Mayans, I can be trusted. It's 4:35am, and I am feeling confident and ready to go. I took the boobs out for one last go round yesterday. We went to the gym and Kohl's. They were happy to be at Kohl's. They told me. I looked down my shirt and whispered, "Here we are, girls!" and they perked up. Then I came home and I toasted them with 1/2 a bottle of Chardonnay. These boobs have been good to me, so I wanted to treat them right on their last day here.

At 9am this morning (central), I invite all my friends to sing an acappella version of "Memories" from Cats. I find that fitting. Or "My Humps, My Humps, My Lovely Lady Lumps" from Black Eyed Peas. That, too, is apropos. If you choose to dance while you sing, that would be great, too.

My bag is packed and I'm off to take a shower with some gross-smelling soap. I guess they want you to smell like the hospital BEFORE you get there. So to you, my friends, I bid you adieu. I'm off to get rid of these killers on my chest and begin my life with FOOBIES.

WOO HOO!! See you guys on the flip side.