Jan 15, 2013

Healing, healing, healing... (FBtF)

And it's boring, boring, boring. I want to drive, and I want to exercise. Two things that i've always taken for granted. BUT...i'm being a good girl and not doing either. I'm hoping I can drive by next week, and i'm pretty sure Chris is at the point where he hopes I can, too. :) I'm going to try to talk him into letting me take a spin around the neighborhood later this week. I know...crazy.

For the most part, 90% of the pain is gone. I have one odd spot on my left foob--actually more in towards my armpit--that, if I use that arm JUST RIGHT, sends a horrible, sharp, burning sensation from that area on my body to my left foob. Actually...they're not even 'foobs' yet--just tissue expanders. So I have to be really careful. I can't exactly use my arms to lift my body yet--they're weak, and  because the tissue expanders are UNDER my pecs, it's just weird. If I use my pecs, they press down on the expanders and the sensation is just...odd. It doesn't really hurt, but it sure as heck isn't comfortable. And, since i've had my drains removed (still so glorious!), my chest lumps are holding fluid. So now, it looks like I have water weinies at my 'under boob' area. Always something. But, i've been assured that it's completely normal and my body will reabsorb the fluid. I hope so, lest I 'slosh' when I walk.

I still have no strength with certain movements--again, like opening child-proof medicine bottles or changing a roll of toilet paper. I do, however, have really good mobility! I can almost hold my arms over my head, and nearly hold them all the way out to the sides. My muscles are still learning. So strange, because i've always been flexible in every way.

I go in for my second 'fill' on Thursday afternoon. It doesn't hurt, but what IS weird is when Dr. Boobenstein wipes the area on my chest with rubbing alcohol. My skin is totally numb, but my MUSCLE can feel that there's something there--so again, totally odd sensation. It's so strange that it almost hurts--does that make sense? Another weird thing(s)--At the beginning of this week, my skin hurt. Mostly under my arms and on my upper chest. I found out that it's because my nerves are refiring, and finding out that i'm burned from the inside out. When they removed all my breast tissue, they cauterized as they went--so inside, i'm burned. As the nerves refire, you start to feel it. It's like a  bad sunburn. The nurse also said that this is why, when I drink something cold, I can REALLY feel it across my chest--because i'm burned on the inside, cold drinks feel really chilly as they're going down. How weird is that?? Chris and I have also noticed some marks on my skin where the cauterization came through to the outside--they're little burn marks, although I had one blister under my arm. Super strange.

The tissue expanders, in case you were wondering, are extremely uncomfortable. They feel like rocks--very hard, with super-tight skin/muscle over the tops of them. They're lumpy and uneven, and one is bigger than the other, but when I'm wearing clothes (well, pajamas), it looks like I have boobies. Just really hard, uncomfortable boobs. I can only sleep on my back. I tried to sleep on my side, and the expanders are so non-pliable, that they push into my sternum and my ribcage, and it hurts. So, on my back it is. I'm developing a weird callic (sp?) in my hair--like the kinds that babies get from sleeping on their backs all the time. It's sexy. Chris makes me a 'pillow nest' every night, then helps me crawl into it. It's one of those U-shaped full body pillows, with an additional 3 pillows stacked on the back where my head/back goes then another pillow under each arm. It looks comfy, but when you've been sleeping like that for nearly 3 weeks, not so much. I desperately want to sleep on my belly, but that's MONTHS away...for sure, not until i get the foobs put in, and not until I heal completely from THAT surgery.

This has been, and continues to be such a strange journey. But i'm good to go. As soon as I can get out of this house a bit, I know i'll feel much better and time will fly by. From here on out, it's one doctor appt per week until the tissue expanders are the right size. Then another surgery to place my permanent foobs. Then I heal from that...


Ang said...

Your posts could become a how-to-cope manual for so many women. Proud of you for keeping your perspective as humorous as you do! You are an inspiration.

Anonymous said...

Still thinking of you:) Loving the blog.