Jan 9, 2013


This morning, at the bright and shiny hour of 730am, I had all 4 of my drains removed!! WHOOP! That means I no longer look like the Predator. [And I can't make that noise either--although I try my hardest. In fact, I just had to ask Chris, "Hey, who's that guy from the movie? You know, this one (insert really crappy Predator noise.)" Chris said, "huh?" So I said, "You know, that guy from the movie where I can't make his noise? Not Chewbakka, but the other one." "Predator," he says.) But really, I had two drain tubes coming out of each armpit, then these bottles that looked like grenades strapped around my middle. Sexy? Not so much. In fact, I can't decide which is LESS sexy--the drain grenades or the half-filled foobs. It's kind of a toss up.

Anyways, this morning, we went to see Dr. Boobenstein and he removed all my drains! And guess what? It really didn't hurt at all. Which I was super excited about, becasue really, I don't like pain. At our last meeting, when he said he would remove drains, I asked, "Does it hurt?" To which he replied, "No." So I asked, "Are you lying to me?" He assured me that he was not. So he didn't lie--two thumbs up for him. But, let me tell you--it was the most disgusting thing EVER. I felt no pain, but I could still feel the 12" drainage tubes coming out of my foobs.

Grossest. Thing. In. The. World.

I had two that started in my armpit, then went in my body around the bottom of the foob, and up into my sternum. THAT WHOLE THING PULLED OUT OF MY CHEST. (Excuse me while I gag.) I had to turn away because all I could think about was National Geographic and something I saw where a nasty worm tunnels into your leg and they have to make a slit in your ankle and lure it out with bacon then start wrapping the worm around a stick. Disgusting, right? I mean, if I were a worm, I'd leave a leg for bacon, but that's kind of beside the point.

Seriously the most 'gross' non-pain i've ever felt. I shall gag about that one for a looong time.

Regardless, I feel SO much better without those damned drains. Annnnddd...I got my first fill (actually, my second...my first was done when the tissue expanders were put in). I'm in a bit of pain right now, but just so stinkin' happy those crappy drains are gone! WOO HOOO!!

Milestone obliterated. Cancer can kiss my ass. That is all.


Tasha said...

You are awesome and fantastic, and I love that you are blunt and sarcastic and still manage to always be hilarious. And seriously? I'm in school for surgical technology, I think surgery is AWESOME and cool and interesting. I can eat pizza and watch icky surgical videos at the same time, and ye, you still managed to make me gag. Well played, my friend, well played. Cancer can SO kiss your ass!

jgf said...

cancer is your bitch, doll.