Feb 19, 2009

No bitterness

Yes, i lost my job. I keep wondering why i'm not bitter. There is no bitterness here, unless, of course, you're talking about all the dark chocolate i'm eating. Slightly bitter, but delicious.

I just got off the phone with one of my other coworkers who was layed off. She's much more than a coworker though; she's my friend. We've been working together for years, and was always beneficial when we were put on a project together--we just mesh. We were talking about, to put it lightly, what the hell we're going to do. The economy sucks, and although we've extended our hypothetical feelers as far as they can stretch, we've heard nothing. No leads. Nothing.

She's in a precarious position--going through a crappy divorce; her expenses all hang on the balance.Now, she has no job. No savings--anything she had has gone to lawyer fees, and assisting in raising her sons.

ME? I'm in quite a position, too. I am, for lack of a better descriptor, the "bacon maker." I bring home the bacon. I pay the bills. I keep the house up and running. My savings consists of my tax refund, which will pay a month of expenses. EXPENSES, as in, NECESSARY expenses, ie, house payment, utilities, etc.

I'm trying not to sweat it. I mean, there's a plan for me. RIGHT? There better be. And it better not involve stripping or standing on a street corner. And, I'm not good at being patient (especially when it involves need $ to buy my kids food and keep a roof over their head), so the "plan" better come to fruition soon.

Like I said though--not bitter. Hurt, yes. I was one of two persons that began our Houston office. I busted my ass for this company. I have worked harder than i have ever worked in my life. Not for recognition, but because i truly believed in this company. Back in December, the company took a paycut in order to avoid laying off employees. I was so proud to work for my company. My heart swelled with pride; knowing that we were all more than coworkers--that we took a vow to help each other, and protect each other in these hard times. I sent an email to the main man. I relayed these feelings to him. I told him that I would work my ass off for this company until retirement.

And then I was let go.

Total bummer. I feel...hurt. Is that stupid? My feelings are hurt more than anything else.

I'm going to go eat more chocolate.

1 comment:

TitanKT said...

It's not at all stupid to feel hurt... it's perfectly understandable and my heart is aching for you. I know how this feels... I've been struggling with an issue in this same category of not feeling like anyone is really valuing you... not only your skills, talents and education but even more, the amount of heart and soul you put in to everything you do and how much you care about where you work. It's like a slap and of course it hurts.

I'm praying/hoping/wishing/focusing energy on you getting a great job SOON. And if not a great job, at least one that will allow you to support your family the way you have been that will fall short of making you wish you were dead everyday.