Pale rider

The first day of October?! Jeesh. Today is my first checkup at the oncologist's, where I'm not going in after a biopsy. This is my first real, "Hey, we're just going to look at you," checkup. I'm a little nervous about it. I don't know why--i mean, I've been clear for a couple of months now. I just have this bad feeling that there's more. I wonder if I'll always have this feeling? I've done so well this summer--no sun. I got a little pink when we were in Coz this summer, but it was so little sun, that it was gone the next day. For the first year ever, I have no tan lines. NONE. I am so pale. I really look like a redhead now! My hair is more red than it's ever been, simply because the sun never had a chance to bleach it out. ~*~*~*~*~*~We took Jenna to Chuck E. Cheese last night, then to Baskin Robbins (I still want to call it "31 Flavors" or "31's"--must be the yankee in me coming out). I got her a kids scoop with whipped cream and colored jimmies. She's a nut--she loved it. I still can't believe she's three. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Horrible dream last night. I dreamt that Claire and I were in the auditorium of my high school, eating brownies. I had to wash her hands, so her, Jenna, and 2 other kids went out into the hallway to go to the bathroom. I followed, but when I got out there, Claire was missing. I ran all over, trying to find her, but I couldn't. I asked Jenna where she was, and Jenna ran to the front of the building and pointed to the outside. Weird thing, she was "pointing" using the ASL for "I love you." Anyways, I got this horrible feeling, thinking someone had kidnapped Claire. Then Jenna said, no, that she was at the stairs. I ran over there, and looked down a huge marble, spiral staircase, and I saw her little body about 5 flights down. I screamed in my dream, and I woke myself up. My heart still aches from that dream. I hate that. I wonder if it's my meds.