Feb 6, 2013

The end is near (FBtF)

Today i had my (hopefully) last fill. When Dr. Boobenstein pulled out the needle, saline came out. I'd say they're filled to the brim. BUT...we have to wait. We have to wait a week to see how my skin stretches, how my muscle reacts, and how everything 'settles'. THEN, if they still look freakin' bigger than my head, then yes, we'll discuss PERMANENT IMPLANTS. WOO HOO!!

They look like...hmmm...shocking that i'm at a loss of descriptors. Let's see...like beachballs attached to my chest. Enormous hamburger buns resting under my chin. Bruised canteloupes. Dented bowling balls. Eh, you get the picture. They're harder than rocks. It's getting difficult to manuveur. Hold both arms straight out in front of you, palms up. Now bring your wrists together. I can't do that. You know why? Because these boulders don't budge. They're non-pliable. (I actually just tested to see if I could set my cell phone on top of them. I can't. Damn. I thought they'd be good for something.) And one of 'em is practically in my armpit.

It's getting tricky to shave my legs. You don't really realize that when you shave, there's some cross-over motion with your arm. Let's just say i'm shaving my left leg--with my right hand. The burger buns don't move, so my right arm has difficulty reaching the leg. It's like geriatric twister. Fun to watch, but not fun to play lest i break something. They also PROJECT more than real boobies. And let's face it--i'm a klutz. I fall up the stairs, run into doors, etc. It's my specialty. Yesterday, i turned a corner too short coming out of the bathroom and bumped the rocks into the door frame. Yeowch. In other news, I ran into the corner of the bed this morning. Like I said, my specialty.

In the meantime, I feel awkward, top-heavy, lopsided and...DONE.

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