The Clairey Show

Clairey,
This Friday night, 3/1/13, you are performing in your very first mainstage production. You are extremely excited, and of course, I can't wait to see your little face on that very big stage. But we must discuss something...

Since you have auditioned for "Annie," you've remained quietly disappointed that you didn't get the role of Molly. Well...let me rephrase that--you've remained quiety disappointed while at theatre practice--not so much as soon as we're in the car. The closer and closer you've gotten to showtime, the more disappointed you seem. Every time you bring it up, my heart hurts for you--but listen up, sister. Mommy's got some advice to give you:

I promise you that no matter what part you have--whether you're a lead or a supporting role (or even a tree in the background), YOU are a star. You have this amazing, magical quality to draw people into your world. The moment you hit the stage, people are drawn to you. That smile...those cheeks...that aura you exude...it's captivating! You will never, NEVER just be in the background; there's no way that you can. You shine so brightly, that people notice you immediately and when you step on that stage, it becomes "The Clairey Show!"

Just by being in shows--regardless of the role you play--you are learning so much; you're honing your skills. If directors could use non-talented, boring people in shows, why would they even bother with auditions?! You're in this show because you deserve it. Because you're talented, because you're awesome, and because the people running the show saw something (and continue to see) fabulous things in you. Directors and Producers always cast parts for certain reasons. Even though YOU want a specific role, they may see you in a different role. They may NEED you in a different role. Heck, maybe Mr. Josh and Mr. Michael NEEDED you as an orphan so you could bring some comedy and cuteness to an otherwise, pretty depressing situation. And who else would be better? No one but YOU.

Do you get it, Munch? You. Are. Amazing.

You know, there's the path that YOU want to follow, the path I'D like you to follow, and then there's the path that the Universe has already cleared for you. This is just a little step on that winding path. Take the step, dance and sing on that step, and be ready for the next step you get to take!

I am so, SO proud of you! My precious little sunshine, I love you so very much! Now, go knock it out of the park!

xoxox
Mommy

P.S.
And remember the 3 most important things about live theatre:
1. Stay in character--there are no retakes.
2. Always be audience-facing.
3. Project, but don't scream.

I can't wait for... (FBtF)

Pre-op appointment is scheduled! YAY!!

Things I'm looking forward to (in no particular order):

• Pliable boobs
• Lying on my belly
• Lying completely on my side
• Lying completely flat on my back (the pressure kills ya)
• Shaving my legs without having to manuever my body so my leg isn't hitting a tissue expander
• Having boobs that don't look like bowling balls
• Having boobs that are situated properly--re: Not in my armpits
• Snuggling with my babies--pulling them close to me and covering them with kisses without fear of breaking a rib
• Wearing any shirt I want
• Working out!
• Being able to reach my arms across my body

I know there are many, many other things...

No really...that WAS the last fill (FBtF)

Okay, so the fill which I described in my last post wasn't really the last fill. But I was close. I had MY LAST FILL (for real this time) on 2/12. The good doc said this one would really hurt. And the man is true to his word. This is the most painful fill yet. I usually stop hurting around the 36-hour mark--it has now been 4 days. Still hurts. A lot. I keep looking for stretch marks, because really, these things are huge. The good news is....

MY EXCHANGE SURGERY IS ON MARCH 1ST!!!

I keep reminding myself of that wee tidbit. When I wake up at 2am whimpering: March 1st! When I try to readjust my sitting postion and it feels like my chest is on fire: March 1st! YEEE! The end really IS near this time!

This fill hurts differently than the others have. The doctor pulled an unfilled tissue expander from a drawer to remind me what they look like. Here ya go:

I held it in my hand. They're NOT smooth, they have a texture to them that's like....hmmmm...it reminds me of a spray-in bedliner on trucks. Where that needle is in the pic--that's the 'port' that they add saline to once a week. On the backside, it's completely flat. That is the part that's just hurting my ribs right now. They're so expanded, that they're extremely hard, so when I breathe, there's nowhere for it to go, but to press into my ribcage. Fun stuff.

When I started down this bumpy road, I immediately went to the internet (why do we do that??) to try to find pictures of 'tissue expanders'. I wanted to see what my chest would look like. I found out that there are 2 types of pic on the internet (of what I could even find): 1. Those that look like regular boobs  2. Those that will scare the bejesus out of you. I knew full well not to expect #1, and I pushed option #2 to the back of my mind.

My chest is...well, it's not pretty. They're not the 'perfectly round and even' pictures I saw on the internet. Mine are misshapen. My left one looks much larger than my right one--because my skin and muscle stretched differently. I have a dent in towards my sternum on my left one. My left one also sits lower than my right. In pictures I found, there are smaller, angular scars. MY scars cover my entire 'breast'. Horizontally from one side to the other. Granted, they've healed nicely, but they'll just be reopened on March 1st. And I have no nipples--did I mention that?

My right side sits high, is pretty round, and looks like you could just knock it right off my chest. My skin is pulled so tight, that you can see the tension in it. It looks smaller than my left (they have the same amount of saline) because for some reason or another, right boob is putting up more of a fight than the left side. This side mimicks the shape of the tissue expander perfectly, while the left side is trying to be all artsy or something. Like I said...not pretty. Not HIDEOUS by any means, but not pretty.

I think i'm going to make one of those paper chains to count down the days to my exchange surgery...

The end is near (FBtF)

Today i had my (hopefully) last fill. When Dr. Boobenstein pulled out the needle, saline came out. I'd say they're filled to the brim. BUT...we have to wait. We have to wait a week to see how my skin stretches, how my muscle reacts, and how everything 'settles'. THEN, if they still look freakin' bigger than my head, then yes, we'll discuss PERMANENT IMPLANTS. WOO HOO!!

They look like...hmmm...shocking that i'm at a loss of descriptors. Let's see...like beachballs attached to my chest. Enormous hamburger buns resting under my chin. Bruised canteloupes. Dented bowling balls. Eh, you get the picture. They're harder than rocks. It's getting difficult to manuveur. Hold both arms straight out in front of you, palms up. Now bring your wrists together. I can't do that. You know why? Because these boulders don't budge. They're non-pliable. (I actually just tested to see if I could set my cell phone on top of them. I can't. Damn. I thought they'd be good for something.) And one of 'em is practically in my armpit.

It's getting tricky to shave my legs. You don't really realize that when you shave, there's some cross-over motion with your arm. Let's just say i'm shaving my left leg--with my right hand. The burger buns don't move, so my right arm has difficulty reaching the leg. It's like geriatric twister. Fun to watch, but not fun to play lest i break something. They also PROJECT more than real boobies. And let's face it--i'm a klutz. I fall up the stairs, run into doors, etc. It's my specialty. Yesterday, i turned a corner too short coming out of the bathroom and bumped the rocks into the door frame. Yeowch. In other news, I ran into the corner of the bed this morning. Like I said, my specialty.

In the meantime, I feel awkward, top-heavy, lopsided and...DONE.