Hello! Hello, internet! Do you know how lucky you are? Do y o? I am drunken blogging. How fun is this? Not so fun. It's 1:50 on the morning, and I have to go to work tomorrow morning. Heavens to betsy, thank God that I keep my door closed and my light turned off. If only my desk lamp is on, people will think that I'm not there. Which, I may not be. My kid has a doctor's apppointment in 6 hours, and I'm going to drag her in there smellin glike a whino. Woo hoo! Can't wait for that. I just want to make something clear: I'm not a lush. I've been drinking this week because my best friend is an evil woman and has introduced me to evil+tonic (that would be gin and tonic, or vodka and tonic). They go down entirely too easy, and before you know it, you're sittin on your best friend's lap, telling her how much you like her boobs. It's all good. Let's go over the adventures of this evening:
1. Bad "Mex Mix" food. I mean, really, they put green peppers in their chicken quesadillas. I hate peppers. I also hate onions, and those were in there too. Bastard chicken quesadilla makers.
2. A totally crappy margarita. I order them "on the rocks, with salt" because I think they'll be better than out of the machine. Man, I suck so bad at thinking. It sucked. Really bad. So bad, that the fly that landed on the edge of the cup stuck his nasty little antennae in it, then flew away, looking for a piece of crap to land on. It was that bad. (I drank it anyways)
3. Vodka and tonic. My first one. EVER. Eh, it's okay.
4. The Irish pub. Usually, I indulge in Guinness, but not tonight--I'm in rare form. I'm trying the vodka and tonic here, too. Hey, I'm Irish, so I know, Irish people are good at everything.
5. More vodka and tonic.
6. I now have Romanian currency in my wallet. How neat is that?
7. More vodka and tonic. The Irish make good vodka and tonics.
8. Repeat step 7.
9. Repeat step 8.
10. Tepeat step 9.
11. Let's go to the adult Toys R Us, if you know what I mean. (Give a couple of girls a drink, and look what happens.)
12. Laugh hysterically at something called "The Penis Leash." Believe me, whatever it is you're imagining, is probably right. Scary, huh?
13. Leave the store with a "plastic wife" for a friends friend.
14. Go to another bar. (Baker Street--fantastic place, by the way)
15. Oh my gosh! Their bartender can make vodka and tonic, too!
16. More v&t. Sitting on your best friend's lap. Again.
17. More v&t. Talking to her about how it's "okay to kiss girls, but it's not okay for guys to kiss."
18. More v&t.
19. Um, one more time.
20. Go home.
21. Put kids to bed.
22. Husband goes night-night.
23. Wife stays up blunkin drogging.