The best Claireyism yet...

It's 3:47 pm on Monday. I just got a call from Clairey's first-grade teacher:

Teacher: Hi, Mrs. Wisdom? This is teacher's name here, um...i need you to educate Clairey about something.
Me: Sure...what about.
Teacher: Well, she was acting all 'loosey-goosey' today, and I told her to 'please settle down, or i'll have to call your mommy'. She looked at me and said, "Oh no! Please don't call the whore!"
Me: WHAT? She called me a 'whore'???
Teacher: Yes. I'm pretty sure she didn't know what it meant, so i quickly told her that that's a naughty word, and we don't say that. Then i had to deal with the group of little girls that were standing around, asking, 'What's a 'whore'?'
Me: I have no idea where she heard that. [Honestly, i really don't. I would say 'hooker', or 'dirty leg', but never 'whore'.] I'll talk to her!

And we signed off.

I looked at Clairey. "Did you call me something bad at school today?"
"No."
"Are you sure? Did you call me a 'whore'?"
"OH...yeah."
"You did. You called me a whore?! That's a bad word."
"I didn't know!"
"But why would you say that? What do you think it means??"
"I didn't want her to call you because that would be bad and i'd get in trouble!"
"So, you called me a whore."
"Yes! I said, 'No, don't call! The whore!!"
[and here, i figure it out.]
"You mean, 'the horror'?"
"YES! Don't call--THE WHORE!"

Fred

Last night, Clairey and I were in the shower and i was removing my eyelashes--I wear beauty-tube mascara--the kind that, once you get it wet, the lashes just 'slide' off. So, I was pulling off my eyelashes, and rinsing them off my fingers...

Clairey: Those look like Fred.
Me: Fred? Hmmm...is Fred a spider? [the lashes looked like spider legs]

She looked at me like I was an idiot.

Clairey: No, FRED.
Me: Who's Fred?!
Clairey: FRED, mom, FRED. You know, the stuff you sew with.

Ahh...THREAD.