Not sure how to feel about this

I'm not too sure whether to let out a pitiful sigh, cry tears, or laugh my ass off. I'm just a conundrum of mixed emotions. Let me give you a briefing on "Matt, the Flatt Catt":

-Matt has no legs.
-Matt has little stumps where his legs should be; hence, his first given name was "Stumpy."
-Matt's temporary owner refers to him as a "mewtant."
-I need to type that again: MEWTANT. mewtant. mewtant.
-Matt's deformities extend to his tail, which he only has a quarter of.

View for yourself: Matt, the Flatt Catt


The text says that "Matt lives to be loved." I'd like to agree with that, but I can guarantee you that Scott will say Matt is meant to be shark bait.

Was Matt's mom a heroin addict? Was Matt born deformed because he was a crack baby? Were there just one too many catnip brownies ingested while he was in utero? We'll never know.

I think I would have named him Stubbs. I also like the fact that he squirms around the house like a seal. LIKE A SEAL. I'd give the little guy prosthetic limbs and hook him up with a speedy skateboard.

Ode to Matt

I am Matt.
Matt the Flatt Catt.
I have no legs.
What do you think of that?

I get stuck
if I lie on my back.
Because I am Matt.
Matt the Flatt Catt.