Home Owners Association

I always wonder who the idiots are who serve on our HOA board. Because, truly, they ARE idiots.

About a year after we moved in, we installed a storm-door on the front. It's really nice--you know, beveled glass, brass hardware, etc. Days after installing it, we get a letter from the HOA: "We noticed that you have made an improvement to your residence that requires HOA approval." Attached to the letter was a form wherein you had to list what you installed/built, and what you used to do it. I'm assuming they meant something to the effect of, "A 10x10 floating deck was installed. 2x5 treated lumber was used." Maybe? I'm not sure. They said be SPECIFIC--with all capped letters. I had a whole hellovalotta fun with THAT form.

What was installed: A really nice storm door. Not for actual storms, mind you, but that's just what it's called. It has a glass front--it would never survive a storm. The glass has beveled-edges on it, too. I told you it was nice. There's also some metal involved. Actually, it's probably aluminum. Let me go look at the box....Yep, it's aluminum. And the color of the aluminum is green. Forest green. The handle is brass and it's kinda curvy, with a little button at the top that you press with your thumb. THAT opens the door. The STORM door, not our front door. There's this black, squishy stuff that goes between the glass and the forest green aluminum. It's some kind of sealant. OH! There's a screen, too. It came with a screen. That's kind of a blackish-grey color, but it's hard to tell. It's made up of lots and lots of little tiny squares.

Item(s)/contents used for installation: A door. A storm door (read above for further explanation). What did we use...let's see...a hammer. We also used some screws. I think they were T-4 Torx screws, but I could be wrong. Screws are tricky little buggers. We also used a drill with a drill bit. There were lots of cuss-words thrown in there, because that storm door was a real bitch to get on. We used this pokey, metal thing to shove into the thingy that keeps the door open. We also used some W-D 40 to grease-up the squeaky parts. Then we used a broom to sweep up the stuff that came out of the hardi-plank when we drilled into it. A few beers were also used, to help run the installation more smoothly.

Jacklegs. They ask, I tell.

So, we got another letter from the HOA this Saturday. It said (and I quote): "We noticed that you have some wood stacked on your driveway. It looks like you might be planning to install an arbor. This must be approved by the HOA. Please fill out attached form."

I wish they wouldn't invite me to do things like that.

"You're wrong. I'm NOT installing an arbor. Strike one. Two more guesses, and you're out."

Hope they have fun with that one.