Don't need a library card

My bathroom cabinet is a virtual public library! Who knew!

As I was pooping, Jenna was rifling through my bathroom cabinet. I can't remember where Claire was, but most likely, sitting on my lap. Because that's what I do--poop with young toddlers on my lap. I don't WIPE with her on my lap, don't worry. So, Jenna's going through my bathroom cabinet and pulling out things left and right, and finding shit that I totally forgot I had. Like my Burt's Bees Tomato Facial Soap and my Cold Wax Hair Removal System and my Raspberry Bath and Body works lotion that I loathe now, but liked back in 1998. She also found tampons, and to her excitement, it was the "variety pack." Not like you can get much variety in tampons, but you know, the wrappers are different colors, so she was stoked. When she asked me what they were for, I answered her as straight-forwardly as I could: "Those are for when mommy has a boo-boo. It's kind of like a 'mommy bandaid'." Whatever. It's the best thing I could think of while sitting on the pot. Jenna accepted that answer, and moved on. THEN she found the instruction manual. Thank GOD those pictures aren't clear to a three-year old. I tried to get her to throw the guide away, but she wouldn't. She LOVES it. She LOVES the "Tampon Book." She carries the booklet everywhere, sleeps with it, and keeps begging us to let her take it to the sitter's. Sorry, but I have to draw the line somewhere. I'd hate for it to be "circle time," and Jenna says, "Here! I brought my new book!"

In the meantime, I often hear, "Mommy! Clairey took away my Tampon Book!" I tried to sneak it out from under her pillow one night, but the next morning she had a fit, looking for baby Simba and her Tampon Book. The little shit dug it out of the trash. "Oh! My Tampon Book! Why was it in the garbage! I LOVE my Tampon Book!"

We were at the store, and I had to buy a box of tampons. Jenna exclaimed, "Mommy, does this one come with a book, too?" To her, tampon boxes are the Happy Meals of the hygiene aisle: they all come with a prize.