Barbara (part I)

Guess what? It's STORYTIME! And, just because I love all of you, I'm going to share with you another car story. YES! Another one! And THIS car is even BETTER than the "Silver Bullet."

A Story About a Car Named 'Barbara' by stewbie

One day, many years ago, me and Scott and his dad were driving somewhere in a truck. I don't remember where we were going, or even whose truck it was, but since we're in Texas, I can pretty much guarantee you that we were in a truck. So, we're in this truck, and we come upon a grocery-store parking lot that people are using as a used-car saleslot. You know the kind. And just at that minute, the clouds parted, and a ray of sun shone down on a stray car--like God was just saying, "Buy that one." We got out of the truck and checked out the Holy ride.

It was a 1981 Volkswagen Rabbit LX diesel. The 'LX' is short for 'luxury,' baby. The way the sun sparkled off of it, made the baby-poop brown color light up like Vegas. It was like a big hunk of sparkly poo, right there in the parking lot. I knew she had to be mine. I walked around her slowly--checking her out like a pimp. Let's see: shit brown, rusty hood, detailing on one door and one rear panel, and velour seating. Oh yes. It was a fine piece of machinery. And, bonus! Sunroof! Perfect for those 110 degree Texas summers when I needed the additional burning capabilities of the sun added to my daily drives! All this for a mere $700!

Problem 1: I didn't have $700. Problem 2: The car wouldn't start. It didn't even sound like it WANTED to start. Scott's dad looked under the hood, and determined that (a) this car required a big mother-fuckin battery, much like the size of your standard 18-wheeler, and (b) that the timing belts were 'off'. His dad acted like it was the biggest piece of crap on the lot, and the guy selling it let us have it for $300. Boy, were we ever sly. A car that didn't run, and looked like hell for the low, low price of $300?! What a bargain! And so, the Volkswagen was dubbed, "Barbara," and she became mine.