Were is Evil?

I know where Evil lives! I know, I know! *raising my hand frantically* How do I know this, you ask? Well, let me tell you: If you take the word "Evil," it can easily be changed to the word "Jenna." All you have to do is add 5 letters to the E, go back 17 on the V, double the I and go forward 5, then add 11 to the L! Then Evil=Jenna. Coincidence? I think not.

Back when I was a pre-k teacher, I had the only kid in the world that is truly and absolutely ADD/ADHD. She was Terrible--with a capital T, obviously. The memory of that kid is what keeps me sane, because comparing Jenna to that child makes it VERY clear to me, that my child is just "spirited" and not completey fucked up and psycho. Because that OTHER kid was. OH HELL, she WAS. We had to use force--FORCE with this child. Let's do a small comparison between "Child A" and Jenna:

Child A threw tantrums--check for Jenna.
Child A screamed at the top of her lungs if we pissed her off--check.
Child A would not sit still, even if we employed the use of rope and handcuffs--not so much for Jenna. A could spank usually knocks the evil right out.
Child A would scream and thrash so violently, we had to use force to restrain her--hmmm...check...just kidding. Jenna screams violently, but only because we'll put her in her room and put the baby gate up. THAT leads to violent screaming--right before she scales the baby gate then walks up to me, sobbing, like, "What? What did I do wrong?"
Child A would growl at us, right before she'd lunge at the nearest person, teeth bared and attempt to rip their eyeballs out with her toddler-size fingernails--check for Jenna. She growls, but it's often followed by her saying, "Sorry! Sorry!" and a hug.

See? She's NOT a "problem child"--she's just a problem SOMETIMES. Like, it was a problem when she told me she could "talk to snakes." Yeah, THAT freaked me out. I immediately thought of throwing her in a box, poking a few breathing holes in it, and driving her up to the church to be exorcised. No kid of mine is going to be talking to snakes. Especially if she's talking in weird tongues and chanting, and dancing with said snakes up in front of a congregation while people have their hands raised to the sky and are yelling, "Amen!" Yeah....THAT'S not happening. Not that I'm saying that you people that chant to snakes and dance with them in front of congregations of other snake-loving people are weird because I'm not. Oh wait...yes I am. You're weird.

So anyways, the trip to the priest was cancelled because as soon as I broke out the bible to look for tips (note to self: "exorcising the snakity demons" is not in the index of the bible), she said, "Harry Potter talks to snakes, and I can too!" Whew! Wiped my brow on that one and relaxed--right up until she started hissing at people.

Now I have a three-year-old that hisses at people when she's angry. Bad thing is, since it's "monkey see, monkey do" at my house, I also have an 18 month old that hisses at people.

"Clairey, let's go change your diaper."
"Sssssssss!"
"Clairey, you smell like peepee, let's go!"
"No! Sssssssssss!"

Now I have to worry about people getting hissed at. Nice. We were at the Walmart--where I call the girls "sissy" and let them go shoeless--doing some grocery shopping, and this lovely old lady comes up to the basket and says, "What lovely girls! Look at how beautiful you are!" So I say, "Girls, what do you say?" They both smile, look at that sweet old lady, and say, "SSSSSsssssssss!!!"

--sigh--