Penis bread

As I sit here eating a banana (or, as Jenna would say, a "bania"), I have a few moments to contemplate this past weekend, which, by all means, was fantastic. Before I go into any splendid detail, I must first tell you that I was wrong about the "types" of women that would be there. Hey, I admit when I've made a mistake, and I own up to it. Being that I listed the "scrapbooking" stereotypes incorrectly, I will now make up for it by telling you who WAS there.

Surprisingly, "old-woman-scrapbooking-the-dog" was not there. Yes, I was disappointed, too. I was really looking forward to letting you all in on exactly who she finds to knit little fair isle sweaters for her schnauzer. Taking her place was "loud-mouthed-Southern-lady-who-never-shuts-the-hell-up." I can't tell you what this woman looked like, but I CAN tell you how many cavities she had, because her fucking mouth was NEVER closed. Her mouth was so big, it was like it just swallowed her head, so all anybody could see was her gigantic, watermelon-pink, Candies-brand lipsticked mouth. "The Mouth" was one of those women who referred to putting on her makeup as "putting on my face." Oh please. If you're going to "put on a face," at least put one on that doesn't make me recoil in absolute horror. Thanks.

Also, "long-braid-down-the-back" didn't show up. She was replaced by "I-used-to-have-a-long-braid-but-got-brave-and-cut-it-off-then-permed-it." Who, unbelieveably, was sporting the "claw" up front. Remember that look? It's when you take your bangs (yes, BANGS) and use a curling iron to curl them forward. Then you "rat" them until it looks like a tidal wave is coursing off the front of your skull. It was a good look--when I was in 7th grade. So anyways, "claw" was a really nice woman--she was, however, related to "The Mouth," so I kept my reservations about her all weekend.

Everybody else was normal. Well, there was the one, freakishly beautiful, slender, "I'm-pregnant-with-my-third-child-but-still-have-a-better-shape-than-you'll-ever-have" woman; and the cute, tiny, little woman with the pink shoes and matching Coach purse, but I'll let them off the hook.

I met several very nice people, but there are two women that I really hope to keep in touch with. They were very funny, very kind, and although they never uttered the word "fuck," I think we kind of share the same sense of humor. One of them has a scrapbook page about a loaf of bread that looks like a penis. THAT'S the kind of friend you need, people! Any woman that can scrapbook a picture of penis-bread is a friend of mine.

Anyways...

It was a great weekend, I had tons of fun, no sleep, and there was lots of chit-chat. How can you beat that?