Please drown me

People, people, people...I have come upon Death and looked it straight in the eyes. It came upon so unexpectedly, that I didn't have time to run. Then, it grasped me in a terrifying grip of torture and kept me there, petrified, unable to move. Death, as it seems, came in the form of a movie. A movie titled, "Open Water."

Everybody do yourselves a big favor, and don't waste your hard-earned money renting this total piece of crap movie. How, HOW can I send my husband to the video store with EXPLICIT instructions on what movie to rent and he comes home with THIS garbage?! It's insane. Really, it is. I said, "Rent 'Finding Neverland', please." Is that so hard to understand? His excuse was that they were all rented out. OKaaayy, so bring home a movie worthy of my time. It's not like they're even in the same genre for God's sake. Hmmmm....movie that was up for Best Film of the Year, or movie that appears it was filmed with a handheld camcorder? Hard decision, I know.

Anyways, "Open Water" was an indie film. These people are independent for a reason, baby. They suck. It was, without a doubt, the worst movie I've ever, ever seen. Worse than "The Spanish Prisoner," and even worse than "Elephant Parts." The storyline, or lack thereof, is that these two scuba divers get left in the ocean. What a gripping tale of fear! Hardly. First off, it took 45 minutes just to get to the diving part. Before that, I was just bombarded with shitty acting, horrible filming, and--get this--a gratuitious nakie scene. WHY? Why the nakie scene? It was so random, like the director just thought, "Hmmmm...what shall we do here? Have them talk, nonsensically, for a couple of minutes, or...HEY! I got it! Let's get the chick naked!"

This whole time, I was completely mesmerized by this film. It's horrible. It's like looking at a deadly accident and not being able to turn away.