Jesus' colored eggs

Trying to explain to kids the significance of Easter is difficult already, now add in a huge rabbit who breaks into your house and hides eggs and leaves you a basket full of teeth-rotting confections, and it gets a little crazy.

Popular questions at my house:

Why is the Easter bunny so big?
Well, the Easter bunny used to be a small bunny, but he met up with this other rabbit named 'Jason Giambi' who taught him all about anabolic-androgenic steriods. Giambi promised the Easter bunny that he wouldn't get hooked, but before the Easter bunny knew it, he was hiding behind the chicken coop, plugging a needle into his thigh. It was horrible. Anyways, by the time the Easter bunny quit, he was a 6-foot tall rabbit with a severe case of bitch tit.

Who came first, Jesus or the Easter bunny?
Well, the bunnies were here first, then God made Jesus. But the Easter bunny didn't become popular until Jesus told him to give Easter baskets to everyone. And we all know that rabbits on steriods, who give us candy, are nice.

When Jesus came out of the cave, was he a ghost?
Um...yeeaaahhhh...kind of. But not the scary kind.

Did the Jesus ghost say 'boo!' and 'Raaahhhhhh!'?
No, he said, "Man, I love you guys." Then he talked to all his friends, waved to the people, and rode up to heaven on a cloud.

Wow. Jesus was really cool.
Yeah, he was. And he still is.

Is the Easter bunny going to get Jesus an Easter basket?
Jesus has been a really good boy, so yes, he will.

Will Jesus get Peeps?
I'm not so sure Jesus likes Peeps. But if he DOES get Peeps, he'll be sure to brush his teeth so he doesn't get cavities.