Rant-of-the-year

Guess what I did today? No, not that. Nope, not that either. And certainly, CERTAINLY not THAT. I did, however, get divorced. Yep. Divorced. And might I just make a suggestion to anyone that's thinking about it? It is so NOT easy, and so NOT fun. Not that I was expecting it to be a cakewalk with confetti and champagne, but it sucks--even when you're the one that wants it. I think what kills me most, is the "other shit." Not even the actual shit that is part of the divorce, but the OTHER shit--which involves OTHER people, who have NOTHING to do with your divorce or WHY you're getting divorced, but hell, they just have to develop their own opinion based on anything and everything they've heard and then you're just screwed. Yeah, THAT other shit. I've lost quite a few friends during this process, and really, it just ticks me off. I understand how it happened, but it STILL pisses me off. You have to understand, this was an amicable divorce, and by "amicable," I mean we didn't try to kill each other with wooden spoons and plastic knives. There were the accusations and the yelling, and the hateful words, and the trying to be nice and move alongs. There was lots of crying and the thinking that I'm a horrible person, and the "oh-my-God-what-am-I-doing-to-the-kids." But there were also the "I am so proud that I was able to break away," and the "I am amazingly happy." Lots of feelings. But people...people are so nosey. People want to be informed. People want to know the dirt; know what's going on behind the closed doors. The thing is, when it's something that hurts me, I don't want to talk about it. I don't tell anybody--not my best friend, not my sister, not my mom. My sister takes the brunt of most of it, then my mom, but that's about it.

I've found that it's pretty easy to lose friends that way--by way of "not talking." It upsets me, but you know, not everyone is the same. Some people don't like to talk about it--that would be me. I just need someone to talk to ME, and remind me that things around me are still normal. That's what I need. I've had enough stress in my life, recently, where I refuse to deal with any more. I don't need anyone to lecture me, or tell me I'm not a good friend, or that my concept of friendship is wrong. To each his own. Lives change, and people change, and in order to build/retain lasting friendships, people have to respect those changes. I suppose, "roll with the punches," in a way.

Then there are the friends that you lose because they were kind of your ex's friends first. There's one couple in particular that I really loved hanging out with. We didn't hang out very often, but when we did, it was a blast. Of course, my ex will still see them often, as he plays softball and golf with the male part of that configuration. Me? I'll most likely never see them again. Not only because I don't want to feel like I'm "moving in" on his friends, but because they have heard my ex's opinions on this whole divorce, so I'm sure they have developed their own thoughts on it, based on what he's told them. I can guarantee you that his opionion is not nice. It doesn't paint a pretty picture. --sigh--

Then there's the family. My ex's family, which I miss, but have found out that one of his sisters "never liked" me anyway, and that my favorite sister-in-law has said some choice words about me. I'm telling ya. It's killer. What really sucks, is that my brother has basically taken sides. That truly deserves an ass-kicking. If he wasn't much bigger than me, and an ex-Marine, I'd beat him within an inch of his life. My dad has also taken sides--haha--the two men who I've built all my opinions on men upon...tell me THAT doesn't suck big goat balls.

Okay, I think I'm finished bitching about this. Today is the beginning of a new life in love for me. I've learned what I can deal with, and what I can't; what I need, and what I don't; what truly makes me happy, and what causes me to cry. The most important thing I've found, is ME.

I've also found that chili and cheese on tator tots is pretty damn awesome.

Gimme some comments, people. I need to laugh.