The day of the spa

This past weekend, my insect-eating neighbor put a spa in his backyard. The spa is VERY HEAVY. So heavy, in fact, that neighbor (Chad) and Scott went door-to-door to enlist other large, strong men to assist them in moving said spa. Oh no. No other men were home in the entire neighborhood, except for Claire's godfather, who lives next door. We don't like to ask him for help, lest we end up awaking to a horse-head in our bed, but I digress.

So we have two ex-football players, a non-ex-football-player-but-he-played-the-clarinet-in-band-and-holy-shit-clarinets-get-heavy-after-a-while guy, and me. Lifting a big-ass, heavy spa into the backyard. See picture. (You'll notice that someone is missing. That's clarinet-guy--he was in great danger of getting his family jewels squished between the spa and the air-conditioning unit, so he's off to the right waiting for a safe time to return.)

Let's all look at this lovely picture, or DIAGRAM, if you will.



Take in the physiques of the two, large, grown men. They both have a corner of the spa. The spa is tilted towards the strong, but albeit, much SMALLER woman--that would be me. Now think of force and gravity. Where is all the weight of the VERY FRICKIN' HEAVY spa? Would it be in the two little corners that the very strong men are holding? Or would it all be coming down on top of the little woman's head? See her struggling to keep her arms from snapping under the pressure? See her legs--straightened out, digging into the cement, while the weight of the spa grinds her into the ground? Yes. SEE THAT? I carried all the weight myself. Those weak bastards.

A few things that may not be clear from the artist's rendering of the event:
1. Both Chad and Scott have more meat on their bones than what is shown.
2. Neither Chad nor Scott have perfectly spherical heads.
3. Scott's mustache and goatee look much more mustachey and goatee-ish, and less like chocolate milk smear and dirty chin.
4. I do not have a hairy face--that's the BACK of my head.
5. See the yellow insulation in my hair? That was really there.

My arm hurts.