The ringmaster

We went to a wedding this past Saturday. It was at a gorgeous plantation, with huge oak trees, a lovely lawn, and fifty-thousand mosquitoes. During the ceremony, rather than moving down and sitting in the aisles of chairs they had created, I had to stay up on the porch of the house and keep an eye on the smallest of my two spawn. Explain to a new 2-year old why she can't scream during a wedding ceremony. It just doesn't work. Can't wait until the bride and groom watch the replay of their ceremony and hear a voice in the background whispering, "I am NOT afraid to beat you, little girl!" It should be fun.

My sister was the maid-of-honor. She looked gorgeous. Really, it's sickening. It's vomitous. She's beautiful. The good thing about her, is that she doesn't know she's that beautiful, and if you tell her she is, she answers with, "My hips are huge." Nice. There's always something, right? And, to top it all off, she is just a fantastic woman. Can you tell I adore my sister?

So, Shannon's the maid of honor--in charge of keeping things running smoothly, ensuring everything goes as planned, ecetera, ecetera, ecetera. The processional begins, Shannon glides up to the front, the bride soon follows, and the wedding party is standing up there in front of friends and family. The bride and groom begin to exchange vows, and Shannon realizes something. Something huge. The groom's wedding band is in her purse. Which is in the dressing room. Which is back at the house. The groom has no ring! Bwahahahaha! The bride looks directly at the preacher and says, "Oh, shit!" What to do, what to do? A quick-thinking bridesmaid pulls of HER wedding band and hands it to my sister, who hands it to the bride. They continue to exchange vows, and when they give each other the rings, the bride slides the ring onto her husband-to-bes fingertip. That's as far as it will go. I'm talking first knuckle. The preacher looks at her and says, "Go ahead. Slide the ring all the way on." The bride looks at the preacher and whispers, "That's as far as it will go..."

So, henceforth, my sister is known as, "The Ringmaster." What a fun wedding memory.