Yesterday, I was helping Jen with her homework about the earth's rotation. I was trying to make her draw out a deeper explanation of why she chose a certain answer. Yeah, it's kind of mean, but i want to see WHY she thinks a certain way.
So, the earth's rotation---anyways, we were discussing how when it's cold here, it's Summer in Australia because of the tilt of the Earth's axis. When you look at the picture of the tilt, I can see how it could be a bit confusing. Lucky for Jen, I had just turned off the oven, so I figured i'd use that to my advantage.
We stepped over to the oven--"Let's pretend the oven is the sun," I said, and opened the oven door.
Jenna: "It's not very hot."
Me: "It's hot enough."
Jen: "But it's not as hot as the sun."
Me: "Yes. I. Know. But let's just pretend. Okay, so this is the sun, and you're the Earth."
Jen: "I'm not round."
Me: "I. KNOW. We're pretending. YOU'RE the Earth, and the OVEN is the sun. Get it?"
Jen: "Okay."
Seriously. This kid and her literalness (is that a word) kills me.
Me: "So, tilt your head towards the oven. Your head is the Northern Hemisphere, and right now, it is Summer. Why is that?"
Jen: "....."
Me: "Because the sun is...."
Jen: "Close to my head."
Me: "Yes, exactly! Now turn around and bend over. Your bottom is the Southern Hemisphere. Why is it warm?"
Jen: "Um...because my butt's in the oven??"
NICE.
Sep 21, 2011
Sep 13, 2011
The Munch is EIGHT
On September 10th, the wee Clairey turned EIGHT. I was still grasping seven. I told her that since she's so small, we can still just pretend she's 7--give me another year. She didn't go for it. Crap. And so, another letter (albeit a few days late) begins...
Pumpshkins,
You are now eight years old. Holy crap. Where did the time go? I swear, I ask myself that same question every.single.year. And here you are--a big eight-year old. Well, not really 'big'...you are still teeny-tiny, but jeez almighty kid, you have a personality that doesn't quit. I've said this before, and i'll say it again--you are a light. Like absolute sunshine. There's really no better way to describe you. YOU, in and of yourself, are simply infectious. Somewhat like a transmittable disease but full of complete awesomeness instead of death and destruction.
You do so well in school, and all the teachers love you--particularly, since you told your first grade teacher that I was a whore. When I came to eat lunch with you that next week, the secretary saw me and busted out laughing. When your mom's a whore, word travels fast, I suppose. When we went to meet your 2nd grade teacher, I introduced you and she said, "So THIS is Clairey." Why yes, yes it is. This is THE Clairey. I'm sure there will be many more fun stories THIS year--can't wait.
In October of last year, you made a big decision. After 5 years at your current gym, you decided that you wanted to change gyms. You told me that you were getting bored and wanted to try out someplace new. So we did, and we switched gyms, and you have just amazed me with the way you have improved over this past year. Your dedication to gymnastics, at 8 years old, is something that most people don't have to ANYTHING. Because of this, you often have to make difficult choices: you don't get to play like most kids your age, you don't get to 'try' anything new...and you are fine with it. Every time you bring up how you want to audition for a play, I'll say, "Okay, but you'll have to make a decision--theatre or gymnastics." Then you act like I'm a complete fool for even asking the question.
Speaking of which...
This summer you were in the musical "Annie." You played the part of Molly, and child, you stole each scene you were in. Yes, I ended that sentence with a preposition. Moving on... The crowd loved you; that part was so entirely perfect for you, that I wanted to cry every time you came on stage. And now, I want to cry every time I watch the videos. Which is a lot less now that it's been over a month. But not a WHOLE lot less. Because you're so damn cute and funny and talented, and it's so fun to watch!
Pumpshkins,
You are now eight years old. Holy crap. Where did the time go? I swear, I ask myself that same question every.single.year. And here you are--a big eight-year old. Well, not really 'big'...you are still teeny-tiny, but jeez almighty kid, you have a personality that doesn't quit. I've said this before, and i'll say it again--you are a light. Like absolute sunshine. There's really no better way to describe you. YOU, in and of yourself, are simply infectious. Somewhat like a transmittable disease but full of complete awesomeness instead of death and destruction.
Yes, you are 8 and I still threaten to eat your face at least once a week. Okay, so maybe twice a week. Oh hell, you know I do it every day, and then I sneak in your room when you're sleeping and nibble on your cheeks--so HA HA! Mommy wins. You lose. But I can't help it. You have the most precious little face--such rosy little cheeks and nummy freckles. You are too cute. And one day a long, long, LONG time from now, you will be 16 and I will still be eating your face. I'm just happy that you don't fight it. In fact, you've taken to yelling, "Mommy! Eat my face like a goat!" Acceptance is the first step--looks like you're on your way.
You do so well in school, and all the teachers love you--particularly, since you told your first grade teacher that I was a whore. When I came to eat lunch with you that next week, the secretary saw me and busted out laughing. When your mom's a whore, word travels fast, I suppose. When we went to meet your 2nd grade teacher, I introduced you and she said, "So THIS is Clairey." Why yes, yes it is. This is THE Clairey. I'm sure there will be many more fun stories THIS year--can't wait.
In October of last year, you made a big decision. After 5 years at your current gym, you decided that you wanted to change gyms. You told me that you were getting bored and wanted to try out someplace new. So we did, and we switched gyms, and you have just amazed me with the way you have improved over this past year. Your dedication to gymnastics, at 8 years old, is something that most people don't have to ANYTHING. Because of this, you often have to make difficult choices: you don't get to play like most kids your age, you don't get to 'try' anything new...and you are fine with it. Every time you bring up how you want to audition for a play, I'll say, "Okay, but you'll have to make a decision--theatre or gymnastics." Then you act like I'm a complete fool for even asking the question.
This summer you were in the musical "Annie." You played the part of Molly, and child, you stole each scene you were in. Yes, I ended that sentence with a preposition. Moving on... The crowd loved you; that part was so entirely perfect for you, that I wanted to cry every time you came on stage. And now, I want to cry every time I watch the videos. Which is a lot less now that it's been over a month. But not a WHOLE lot less. Because you're so damn cute and funny and talented, and it's so fun to watch!
You are dynamite in a small package. You have the sweetest heart and are such a loving little girl. My bedside table is full of drawings and knick-knacks and other stuff that you make for me. Every paper you bring home has, "I [heart] Mommy" written on it somewhere. You are just so full of love.
I am so proud to be your mommy. My sweet baby...I love you SO very much.
Happy Birthday my presh!
xoxoxox
Aug 10, 2011
Camaros and cooties
On the way to drop Clairey off at theatre today, a young kid in a 1980s-era Camaro was beside us at a light. That thing had huge meats on the back end and a exhaust system that cost more than the car. It was LOUD. Clairey just sat there, in her princess booster seat, looking out the window.
"Why is that car so loud?" she asked.
"See all those pipes coming out the back, at the bottom? That's why."
"Oh."
The light turned green, and we were off. The rapist-mobile got caught behind some cowboy in a huge dooley. I saw the kid come around the truck--then he started speeding up. "Here he comes...." I said. And about 5 second later, he goes speeding by us. Clairey audibly sighed, "WHY do boys do that?!"
"Because," I said, "some boys are just dumb."
"I understand, mom." [Big pause] "They also have cooties."
She's so matter of fact.
"Why is that car so loud?" she asked.
"See all those pipes coming out the back, at the bottom? That's why."
"Oh."
The light turned green, and we were off. The rapist-mobile got caught behind some cowboy in a huge dooley. I saw the kid come around the truck--then he started speeding up. "Here he comes...." I said. And about 5 second later, he goes speeding by us. Clairey audibly sighed, "WHY do boys do that?!"
"Because," I said, "some boys are just dumb."
"I understand, mom." [Big pause] "They also have cooties."
She's so matter of fact.
Jul 27, 2011
Entertainment gold
She goes by many names: The Clairey, The Munch, Bit, Pumpshkins, Little Bit... She is more than a 7-year old kid--she is entertainment GOLD, I tell you. I mean, look at this kid:
See that ring on her legs? That's because she spent 30 minutes on the crapper reading. AND SHE LET ME TAKE A PICTURE! I was all, "Ha! You have a toilet ring on your butt! Let me take a picture." And The Munch was all, "Ha! Okay!!" Then stood there. Hello? Awesome kid. And that sponge in her hand? She was cleaning the tile on the pool. Because it was FUN.
She's too much. At the grocery store last night, she let out this huge sigh. I ask, "What's up?" and she comes back with, "Oh, nothing. I could really just use a pina-colada right now." As she sits there, leaning against the shelves of organic peanut butter in her gym leo, hair in pigtails, and bar chalk all over her forehead.
At the moment, she's in theatre camp. See how I spelled 'theater' there? Yeah, you like that don't you? I don't like spelling it -er. Looks too harsh. ANYWAYS, they're doing Annie, and Bit got the part of Molly. She's going to rock that part. And you know why? Because she's a freakin' scene stealer. She was running around the house this morning, yelling, "You'll clean this dump, 'til it SHINES like the top of the Chrysler Building!" and then she asked me how to act drunk.
Entertainment GOLD.
Jul 18, 2011
Clairey's camp journal
Clairey attended her first week-long camp from 7/10-7/15 2011. It was called, "Messy Munchkins," and was about an hour from our house. She stayed in a treehouse, with no air conditioning. All spelling and punctuation is exactly how she wrote it.
Sunday
I <3 U mommy. You are The Best! [then there's a picture of a tooth and a heart] In The showr, my tooth got rely loos! <3 <3 <3 <3 :) :)
Monday
Mommy I am haveing so much fun. it is asume. what are you doing? <3
Tuesday
I <3 U Mommy. I am haing so much fun! <3 kiss kiss woowoo Jass hans hans hans! to night i saw a coper head :( I donot like this camp i hate it
*The "kiss kiss" thing is our 'special' kiss. We kiss twice, then say, "woo woo!" then make jazz hands and say, "jazz hands!" The "hans hans hans" is her doing the echo of "hands." Yeah, we're crazy.
Wednesday
Mommy last night when i was going to slee I herd screeming I ran out my tree hous and ran in the cichin. an ges what ther was a coper head! bnana cild it with a hoe and then they berid it and then we livd hapaly ever after! <3
* "cichin"= kitchen. She has trouble distinguising Ks and Cs, because the C in her name makes a K sound. "bnana" is her counselor, Banana. They all have fake names.
Thursday
Mommy i have little bups on my stimmick and they ich. I <3 U!
*She got heatrash all over her back and stomach (stimmick).
Friday
I <3 U mommy I am so glad we are going home! I <3 U
All in all, she had a great time, and said she wants to go back next year. She's a sweaty little thing, so we'll probably send her to Camp Misty--where they stay in ac'd cabins.
Sunday
I <3 U mommy. You are The Best! [then there's a picture of a tooth and a heart] In The showr, my tooth got rely loos! <3 <3 <3 <3 :) :)
Monday
Mommy I am haveing so much fun. it is asume. what are you doing? <3
Tuesday
I <3 U Mommy. I am haing so much fun! <3 kiss kiss woowoo Jass hans hans hans! to night i saw a coper head :( I donot like this camp i hate it
*The "kiss kiss" thing is our 'special' kiss. We kiss twice, then say, "woo woo!" then make jazz hands and say, "jazz hands!" The "hans hans hans" is her doing the echo of "hands." Yeah, we're crazy.
Wednesday
Mommy last night when i was going to slee I herd screeming I ran out my tree hous and ran in the cichin. an ges what ther was a coper head! bnana cild it with a hoe and then they berid it and then we livd hapaly ever after! <3
* "cichin"= kitchen. She has trouble distinguising Ks and Cs, because the C in her name makes a K sound. "bnana" is her counselor, Banana. They all have fake names.
Thursday
Mommy i have little bups on my stimmick and they ich. I <3 U!
*She got heatrash all over her back and stomach (stimmick).
Friday
I <3 U mommy I am so glad we are going home! I <3 U
All in all, she had a great time, and said she wants to go back next year. She's a sweaty little thing, so we'll probably send her to Camp Misty--where they stay in ac'd cabins.
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