Home of the 'Flaming Weed'

Yesterday morning, in preparation for our dentist appointment, the chicks and I were sitting at the table scarfing down some sugar-laden breakfast cereal. Out of my peripheral hearing (like the vision, but with your ears), I heard a snapping, fizzing-type of sound. I looked out the back window, and saw sparks flying from one of our trees. An electrical line runs smack-dab though the branches of one of the many trees in the backyard, and this one was grounding out on a branch. There were sparks flying, and the occasional flame. It was quite lovely. The girls, however, found it disturbing. They're such sissies.

I went and grabbed the latest electric bill, whilst watching the dance of sparks fall upon my shed, and called the "Emergency" number listed on the bill. I don't even know why they have a separate number. After going through 3 minutes of options, such as "For billing inquiries..." (how is THAT an emergency?) and "If you would like to take a survey...", I finally just got pissy and started pushing buttons. One of them finally got me to a representative.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, yes you can. There's a power line in my back yard, that is hitting one of my trees and sending sparks and flames all over the place."

"Did you call the fire department?"

"No, it's not a flaming inferno--just sparks and small flames that keep going out--because it's really, really wet and rainy."

"Okay, let me get your address and phone number."

[give him info]

"Alright, the emergency team has been dispatched and is on its way."*

*Note: The time is 7:32am.

At 10:30am, the emergency people still haven't arrived. By this time, the branch that is touching the power line is nothing more than a charred toothpick. No more flames; no more sparks--just charring. I decided to call the electric company and bitch them out. I go through the same 3 minutes of crap, then again, get pissed and push random buttons.

"I'm sorry, but all customer service representatives are servicing other customers. The wait time is now exceeding 5 minutes."

Good frickin' thing this is an emergency line!!

At 11am, I get a knock on the door. It's the electric company. He said that he had already gone in the backyard and checked it out. Fantastic. Thanks for giving me the heads-up that your creeepy ass was in my backyard. You know what he said?!

"Well, the problem is that that thar 'tree' in your backyard is really just a big weed that turned into a tree. I don't know why it's so big. All the other trees have been trimmed back, but i guess they missed that one. I'll have someone come out and trim it."

A weed that turned into a tree? Seriously? Alrighty then.

Wednesday, 2:40pm: The "big tree-weed" in my backyard STILL hasn't been trimmed.

Behold--the flaming weed: