What I do on Friday nights

Let's see. What do I do on Friday nights without the kids? I'll make a list:

1. Lay on the chicks' playroom floor and wonder if they're having fun at their dad's.

2. Brush the My Little Pony's hair, because DAMN! that pony's hair was a tangled mess and no pony looking like that is going to reside in MY house.

3. Read an entire "Parents" magazine from cover to cover with no interruptions.

4. Call my mom, who invited me over this evening, then decided that she should not be home. I always knew she didn't like me, but really, does she have to be so blunt?

5. Call my best friend and offer to come over for drinks and naked Jello-wrestling.

6. Take a shower. A long shower. With no small children smashing their little faces against the glass door.

7. Email my sister the semi-nudie photos that I took of her for her husband. He's a sergeant in the Marine Corps, and I was doing my duty as a good American. He informed me that he needs the pictures to look at while he's in the port-o-john. God Bless America!

9. Talk to my brother, while he's on his way to Dallas.

10. Blog.

Now, seriously. You'd think i'd have something better to do on a Friday night. But no. My only consolation is that my sister's sitting in NY and SHE'S sitting at home eating Chinese food. Hahahahaha! Let's all laugh at HER. So, I'M sitting in Houston, Texas by myself--big deal. SHE'S in New York. On a Friday night. Eating Chinese food in her expand-a-waist pants. Bwhahahahaha!