Boxing Queen

Clairey vs. The Crusher

Claire Ailis, 26 months old, and a huge contender for the Tot-weight Championship. However, all her dreams came to an end when she was knocked out in the first round. What happened? Boxing Site magazine gives you the exclusive interview of "The Boxing Queen."

BS: Claire. Claire, Claire, Claire...how did this happen?

C: I'm not sure, exactly.

BS: Did you see it coming?

C: No, not at all. I had both of my hands up by my head, you know, protectin' myself. Next thing I know, I'm down on the ground, KO'd. (shaking head, sadly)



BS: Yeah, it was pretty bad. Did it hurt?

C: Hurt? What do you think, Mother F#$*er?! H$#ll yes, it hurt.

BS: Sorry...I, I didn't know...

C: I have nine stitches in my eye! NINE stitches!


BS: I, I see that...

C: I'm just minding my own business, and next thing you know, it's like "And this little piggy went 'wee, wee, wee...' BAM! What the F$#K was that?!' and I'm down on the ground."


BS: Upsetting, I'm sure.


C: Oh, 'upsetting' isn't the word for it, man. I mean, sh&t...I started cutting my 2-year molars last week, my diaper leaks, then THIS happens?! Where does it end, man?! Where does it end?

BS: Claire, thank you for talking to us, and good luck in next year's TWC. Could we just get a smile for the camera, please?

C: Sure thing. Gotta pose for the posse.


Indeed, where DOES it end?

*After this interview was taken, the truth rose to the top, much like spoiled cream. Clairey had actually been "KO'd" by a patio table. There wasn't as much tough-talking little pigs going on, as much as a loud bang, and then loud screaming for "mommy."