Nov 26, 2012
From boobs to foobs--2
Freaking surgery was moved to Dec. 28th. I may die of mental exhaustion before then. Dammit.
Nov 23, 2012
From boobs to foobs--Part 1
I hope you all had a fabulous Thanksgiving! I know we did. Low key, restful, and fabulous. The turkey was great, we all ate too much, and just enjoyed each other. :)
So, we have new news in our household, and, as time wears on, I know that this 'news' will come out, so I figured I might as well let you guys know: I have a bad boob. I have one that's trying to kill me. Bastard boob. Of course, it's the left one--and it makes sense, because those of you that personally know me, also know that the left side of my body is completely useless. It's like having random appendages. I can't even flex my left arm--my brain doesn't make the connection on that side. I'm surprised I can walk, and not just drag my left leg like Quasimodo (of which The Munch does a brilliant impression).
Backstory:
3rd week of October: I had a hurty area on my right boob--here on out to be known as 'smart boob'--which because of the prying of my mother, I went to go get checked out. The gyn/ob felt something, as well, so she scheduled me for a mammogram.
Oct. 24th: Mammogram. It didn't hurt as much as they said. The nurse was freaking me out, saying, "I know this is going to hurt...i'm sorry..." yadda yadda yadda. It didn't hurt at all. Thumbs up to the chicks for beating the hell out of the boobs when I was nursing them--good job, ladies. The tech mammogram'd both sides, then they did an ultrasound on each side. She then told me to go wait in the 'holding room' while the doctor looked at my film. About 10 minutes later, the tech came back and said they needed to do the left side again. "The right side, you mean?" I asked, "because that's the 'bad' side." She assured me that the right side looked fine, and that they needed to redo the left side. Alrighty then. Turns out, I have 2 areas of calcification (common) in ye olde left boob. So, they scheduled 2 biopsies. P.S. Smart boob was fine--it was muscle inflammation. Most likely because i'm a badass and when i do chest presses/push ups, etc., my beasty muscles irritated it. (That's my explanation.)
Nov. 1st: I head to the Breast Center with my mom in tow. They do the first biopsy (easy-peasy), then, when they pull the contraption out of my boob, i start bleeding all over. And by 'all over,' I mean on the floor, on my arm...out of a TINY incision. It was ridiculous. The nurses were taking turns pressing on me with full body weight to get me to stop bleeding. It could have been scary, but really--these nurses were awesome (shout out to Michelle!), and although it sounds bad, it wasn't too awful. Annoying, yes. Awful and/or scary, no. One of the nurses said, "I'd like to go get your mom--do you mind if she sees your breasts?" bwahahahaaa! I looked at her and said, "She used to wipe my butt--she can see my boobs." So, mom got to come keep me company while I bled for AN HOUR AND 45 MINUTES. It was awesome. Of course, I developed a huge hematoma. It was gross. There was no way they could do the other biopsy, so nurse Michelle bound me up like a freaking china-woman's foot and sent me home. That binding was so tight, i could barely breathe.
Nov 13th: The doctor called and told me it was DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ). Basically, a "beginning" cancer that is confined to your milk ducts. After nearly 4 years of nursing these 2 kids, you would think they would've sucked it outta me. No such luck. The doctor says worst case scenario is 6 weeks of radiation. She lied. She makes me an appointment with a surgeon for a 'consultation' on 11/21.
Nov. 16th: Biopsy number two. I made sure to schedule it when my favorite nurses were there. At this point, i've had so many people touch my boobs that it's weird--but i'd like to narrow down that number to a select few. So, nurse Michele wins. Plus, she's sarcastic--I feel right at home. This biopsy goes easy--like it's supposed to. No bleeding--in and out in 2 hours.
Nov. 21: Boob man consultation time! I go meet the doctor. At this point, we've already discussed the possible options. We know with my history of melanoma (4x in 10 years), that i'm probably not on the "let's just cut it out" side of things. Plus, i'm under 40. The odds are really crappy. We find out the first area of cancer has areas that are 'microinvasive'--which means they're little jailbreaking shits that are busting out of the ducts. So they have to remove lymphnodes in my armpit, too. In the doctor's words, "There's a 99% chance that the cancer has NOT spread." Now we just hope that i'm not in that 1%. Unless we're talking about the lottery--then damn skippy--sign me up for that 1%. The first area was grade 1/2, and the second area was grade 2. The doctor says what we I planned on hearing, "Double mastectomy."
So, that's where we are. I have a consult with the plastic surgeon next week, and the surgery/reconstruction is tentatively slated for 12/17. They're moving quickly--which I appreciate. I'm fine with it--I really am. I think people (some, anyways) are expecting me to be an emotional wreck. They're just boobs. They served their purpose, and now, I get new fake ones--foobs. I keep calling them 'frankenboobs.' The good news is, my chances of reoccurance now get knocked down to 0%. Gotta love those odds!
That's it...crazy, right? I'm not a whiner, not a pity-partier, not a worrier...I'll be just fine. You can definitely feel free to pray/send positive thoughts about the lymph nodes--but save the most positive thought and prayers for my family. I don't want any of them to worry--particularly my sweet babies.
So, we have new news in our household, and, as time wears on, I know that this 'news' will come out, so I figured I might as well let you guys know: I have a bad boob. I have one that's trying to kill me. Bastard boob. Of course, it's the left one--and it makes sense, because those of you that personally know me, also know that the left side of my body is completely useless. It's like having random appendages. I can't even flex my left arm--my brain doesn't make the connection on that side. I'm surprised I can walk, and not just drag my left leg like Quasimodo (of which The Munch does a brilliant impression).
Backstory:
3rd week of October: I had a hurty area on my right boob--here on out to be known as 'smart boob'--which because of the prying of my mother, I went to go get checked out. The gyn/ob felt something, as well, so she scheduled me for a mammogram.
Oct. 24th: Mammogram. It didn't hurt as much as they said. The nurse was freaking me out, saying, "I know this is going to hurt...i'm sorry..." yadda yadda yadda. It didn't hurt at all. Thumbs up to the chicks for beating the hell out of the boobs when I was nursing them--good job, ladies. The tech mammogram'd both sides, then they did an ultrasound on each side. She then told me to go wait in the 'holding room' while the doctor looked at my film. About 10 minutes later, the tech came back and said they needed to do the left side again. "The right side, you mean?" I asked, "because that's the 'bad' side." She assured me that the right side looked fine, and that they needed to redo the left side. Alrighty then. Turns out, I have 2 areas of calcification (common) in ye olde left boob. So, they scheduled 2 biopsies. P.S. Smart boob was fine--it was muscle inflammation. Most likely because i'm a badass and when i do chest presses/push ups, etc., my beasty muscles irritated it. (That's my explanation.)
Nov. 1st: I head to the Breast Center with my mom in tow. They do the first biopsy (easy-peasy), then, when they pull the contraption out of my boob, i start bleeding all over. And by 'all over,' I mean on the floor, on my arm...out of a TINY incision. It was ridiculous. The nurses were taking turns pressing on me with full body weight to get me to stop bleeding. It could have been scary, but really--these nurses were awesome (shout out to Michelle!), and although it sounds bad, it wasn't too awful. Annoying, yes. Awful and/or scary, no. One of the nurses said, "I'd like to go get your mom--do you mind if she sees your breasts?" bwahahahaaa! I looked at her and said, "She used to wipe my butt--she can see my boobs." So, mom got to come keep me company while I bled for AN HOUR AND 45 MINUTES. It was awesome. Of course, I developed a huge hematoma. It was gross. There was no way they could do the other biopsy, so nurse Michelle bound me up like a freaking china-woman's foot and sent me home. That binding was so tight, i could barely breathe.
Nov 13th: The doctor called and told me it was DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ). Basically, a "beginning" cancer that is confined to your milk ducts. After nearly 4 years of nursing these 2 kids, you would think they would've sucked it outta me. No such luck. The doctor says worst case scenario is 6 weeks of radiation. She lied. She makes me an appointment with a surgeon for a 'consultation' on 11/21.
Nov. 16th: Biopsy number two. I made sure to schedule it when my favorite nurses were there. At this point, i've had so many people touch my boobs that it's weird--but i'd like to narrow down that number to a select few. So, nurse Michele wins. Plus, she's sarcastic--I feel right at home. This biopsy goes easy--like it's supposed to. No bleeding--in and out in 2 hours.
Nov. 21: Boob man consultation time! I go meet the doctor. At this point, we've already discussed the possible options. We know with my history of melanoma (4x in 10 years), that i'm probably not on the "let's just cut it out" side of things. Plus, i'm under 40. The odds are really crappy. We find out the first area of cancer has areas that are 'microinvasive'--which means they're little jailbreaking shits that are busting out of the ducts. So they have to remove lymphnodes in my armpit, too. In the doctor's words, "There's a 99% chance that the cancer has NOT spread." Now we just hope that i'm not in that 1%. Unless we're talking about the lottery--then damn skippy--sign me up for that 1%. The first area was grade 1/2, and the second area was grade 2. The doctor says what we I planned on hearing, "Double mastectomy."
So, that's where we are. I have a consult with the plastic surgeon next week, and the surgery/reconstruction is tentatively slated for 12/17. They're moving quickly--which I appreciate. I'm fine with it--I really am. I think people (some, anyways) are expecting me to be an emotional wreck. They're just boobs. They served their purpose, and now, I get new fake ones--foobs. I keep calling them 'frankenboobs.' The good news is, my chances of reoccurance now get knocked down to 0%. Gotta love those odds!
That's it...crazy, right? I'm not a whiner, not a pity-partier, not a worrier...I'll be just fine. You can definitely feel free to pray/send positive thoughts about the lymph nodes--but save the most positive thought and prayers for my family. I don't want any of them to worry--particularly my sweet babies.
Nov 9, 2012
More Munch
Clairey's looking through the ads we got in the mail today, pointing to things and saying, "Hate, hate, hate, like, like, like..." She gets to one thing and goes, "Oh...yum...hey, mom...what's 'Gravy Train'?"
"It's dog food," I say.
"Hmmm...some dog food just looks good...like these bacon strips."
Never a dull moment.
"It's dog food," I say.
"Hmmm...some dog food just looks good...like these bacon strips."
Never a dull moment.
Nov 2, 2012
Can i have some cheese?
I have to hand it to myself. I'm a really positive person. Like, REALLY positive. I rarely let shit get to me. And honestly, I deal with a bunch of shit. I run myself ragged, and am generally one click away from a straight jacket and institutionalization. So...allow me to bitch for a mere moment.
My past two weeks have been nothing short of just plain 'ol, downright, pissy. But here, I get to randomly rant. Aren't you lucky?
Last Tuesday I had my regular 6-month visit to the dermatologist. Where he felt the need to remove 3 more spots on my skin. That, because I count, is a total of 32 skin biopsies since 2003. I've had malignant melanoma 4 times, so I should be used to this. But no matter how brave and nonplussed i try to be, i still worry. So, I worry. In my brain. That's exhausting. Good news is, the doctor called and told me all 3 came back clean. The bad news is, they called while I was at the Ob/Gyn--being told that I had 2 spots in my left breast that needed to be biopsied. I guess more 'good' news is that they move quickly with me because of my fun cancer history. I'm just glad my cervix wasn't involved this time.
So, a few days later (yesterday) I found myself at a boob center getting a double biopsy on Lefty. Easy, right? Not with me. Ever. A simple freaking biopsy ended up taking 4 hours because i would not stop bleeding. For nearly 2 hours, I had nurses taking turns compressing my left boob so hard that I thought my ribs were going to break. There was blood down my arm and all over the floor. Apparently, I have thin blood. And I like to bleed. Yesterday, before they bound me in Ace bandages, I had a hematoma the size of an egg.
The good news? I only got 1 biopsy, it's on my left side (and i'm right handed)...and...stretching here...I got up super early for work because i couldn't sleep. The bad news: I have to go back for the second biopsy, i'm starting to bruise down my left arm, and it hurts to move.
WHY does this shit always happen to me? I suppose because I can "handle" it. What I REALLY want to 'handle', however, is a bottle of wine and a beach vacation. Because this shit sucks goat balls.
Now...feel free to send me some cheese with this 'whine.'
My past two weeks have been nothing short of just plain 'ol, downright, pissy. But here, I get to randomly rant. Aren't you lucky?
Last Tuesday I had my regular 6-month visit to the dermatologist. Where he felt the need to remove 3 more spots on my skin. That, because I count, is a total of 32 skin biopsies since 2003. I've had malignant melanoma 4 times, so I should be used to this. But no matter how brave and nonplussed i try to be, i still worry. So, I worry. In my brain. That's exhausting. Good news is, the doctor called and told me all 3 came back clean. The bad news is, they called while I was at the Ob/Gyn--being told that I had 2 spots in my left breast that needed to be biopsied. I guess more 'good' news is that they move quickly with me because of my fun cancer history. I'm just glad my cervix wasn't involved this time.
So, a few days later (yesterday) I found myself at a boob center getting a double biopsy on Lefty. Easy, right? Not with me. Ever. A simple freaking biopsy ended up taking 4 hours because i would not stop bleeding. For nearly 2 hours, I had nurses taking turns compressing my left boob so hard that I thought my ribs were going to break. There was blood down my arm and all over the floor. Apparently, I have thin blood. And I like to bleed. Yesterday, before they bound me in Ace bandages, I had a hematoma the size of an egg.
The good news? I only got 1 biopsy, it's on my left side (and i'm right handed)...and...stretching here...I got up super early for work because i couldn't sleep. The bad news: I have to go back for the second biopsy, i'm starting to bruise down my left arm, and it hurts to move.
WHY does this shit always happen to me? I suppose because I can "handle" it. What I REALLY want to 'handle', however, is a bottle of wine and a beach vacation. Because this shit sucks goat balls.
Now...feel free to send me some cheese with this 'whine.'
Oct 9, 2012
Weekend wrap-up--Part 2
So, day 2 of "Expedition--San Antonio" included the Alamo, the Riverwalk, the Ripley's 'Believe it or Not!' museum, and Madame Toussad's wax museum.
First up, was the Alamo. Man, they've done a lot with the place since the last time i was there. Spruced it up a bit, they did. We walked the grounds, checked out all the informational plaques, and just...well...soaked it all in. It's rather humbling to be inside the actual Alamo. It's easy to just think of it of a random, historical building, but when you really start thinking about all that happened, and how many people lost their lives--extremely humbling. The girls had a great time, even though I turned it into a total 'school' opportunity. Clairey enjoyed the cannons, since she loves the whole, "Come and take it!" story. To hear her tell it is fabulous. Jenna enjoyed the squirrels. I kid you not. No matter where we go, if there's a squirrel, it's a big deal. Today, it was, "LOOK! An 'Alamo' squirrel!" These squirrels must be pretty awesome, because the one we saw the day before was just a 'San Antonio' squirrel. What a loser. Besides the rodents, Jen also loved looking at the detailed miniature models they have. And seriously--these are the most detailed things i've ever seen. Crazy to look at and think that THAT was what that area looked like way back when.
After the Alamo, we wandered across the way to the Ripley's Believe it or Not museum. This was actually pretty damn fascinating. At first, Jen wasn't too hip on it--it's very loud in there, and the girl didn't have her silencing headphones. Instead, she opted to put on her hoodie and tie it super tight around her face. Wish i had a picture of that. After a while, she warmed up and was really into it. There are some really odd things in that place. REALLY odd. Favorite part? When Clairey asked, "What's THAT?" IT was a penis sheath from some random tribe. Nice. Leave it to Clairey to find that particular memento of Ripley's travels.
Next...a waltz down the Riverwalk (and lunch). We ate, we walked--a lot--and just enjoyed ourselves. I've come to find out that it usually doesn't take much to entertain the girls. Jenna said her favorite part of the entire trip was walking down the Riverwalk. It was a gorgeous day, and although the main part of the Riverwalk was rather crowded, we found a beautiful, non-populated area that was just lovely. Then, on to the wax museum...
Let me start by saying, they don't make 'em like they used to. The newer wax pieces look...well, exactly like that: wax pieces. I wouldn't even put this crap on a birthday cake. The older ones look awesome (Johnny Cash, the original Michael Jackson, Superman, etc.), and the newer ones are just too fake-looking. Jen loved the Hogwarts setup, but was quick to comment that "...they look pretty crappy." Clairey walked down into the 'horror' part with me, but decided to split and leave me alone. The scariest part of that was the seizure-inducing lighting. The stuff that was supposed to be scary was pretty craptastic. Not saying the wax museum was a waste of money, but it was just 'eh.'
After that, we headed back to the hotel, where we donned our swimsuits, headed down to the pool, and watched parents NOT watch their kids. We could only take so much of that, so we went inside dressed, and had dinner. We are extreme partiers. We live on the edge. The funniest part of the day is when Clairey was playing 'store' in our room--she took out all our clothes, refolded them, and had them laid out on the tables in the room; Jenna would come and 'shop'. Then she was pretending to be an Asian nail lady. The stuff this kid does. She had all laughing so hard that we had tears.
Sunday, we woke up, found out that the hotel really DIDN'T have free breakfast, ate anyways, and headed to SeaWorld. You know something that's weird about Texas? It was 89 on Saturday, and 54 on Sunday. FIFTY FOUR. We planned ahead and knew there was going to be a bit of a cold front, but Siri said it was going to be in the high 60s. She's such a lying whore. We had packed jeans, short-sleeved shirts, and light jackets. The girls and I don't do cold. At all. No one was at SeaWorld, because we didn't get the memo that the state of Texas was closed due to weird, cold weather. We ended up buying the only sweatshirts they had--which were Sesame Street. Then i bought a black/white striped 'Where's Waldo' hat, and purchased Clairey a hot-pink beanie (Jenna was already wearing a hat).
We froze our butts off, but had a fabulous time! SeaWorld has changed a LOT since the last time I was there. The shows were great, it was uncrowded, and Clairey rode her first 'real' rollercoaster (which she loved).
Boring last 2 posts, eh? That's alright. We had an awesome time!
Now, back to our regular shenanigans...
First up, was the Alamo. Man, they've done a lot with the place since the last time i was there. Spruced it up a bit, they did. We walked the grounds, checked out all the informational plaques, and just...well...soaked it all in. It's rather humbling to be inside the actual Alamo. It's easy to just think of it of a random, historical building, but when you really start thinking about all that happened, and how many people lost their lives--extremely humbling. The girls had a great time, even though I turned it into a total 'school' opportunity. Clairey enjoyed the cannons, since she loves the whole, "Come and take it!" story. To hear her tell it is fabulous. Jenna enjoyed the squirrels. I kid you not. No matter where we go, if there's a squirrel, it's a big deal. Today, it was, "LOOK! An 'Alamo' squirrel!" These squirrels must be pretty awesome, because the one we saw the day before was just a 'San Antonio' squirrel. What a loser. Besides the rodents, Jen also loved looking at the detailed miniature models they have. And seriously--these are the most detailed things i've ever seen. Crazy to look at and think that THAT was what that area looked like way back when.
After the Alamo, we wandered across the way to the Ripley's Believe it or Not museum. This was actually pretty damn fascinating. At first, Jen wasn't too hip on it--it's very loud in there, and the girl didn't have her silencing headphones. Instead, she opted to put on her hoodie and tie it super tight around her face. Wish i had a picture of that. After a while, she warmed up and was really into it. There are some really odd things in that place. REALLY odd. Favorite part? When Clairey asked, "What's THAT?" IT was a penis sheath from some random tribe. Nice. Leave it to Clairey to find that particular memento of Ripley's travels.
Next...a waltz down the Riverwalk (and lunch). We ate, we walked--a lot--and just enjoyed ourselves. I've come to find out that it usually doesn't take much to entertain the girls. Jenna said her favorite part of the entire trip was walking down the Riverwalk. It was a gorgeous day, and although the main part of the Riverwalk was rather crowded, we found a beautiful, non-populated area that was just lovely. Then, on to the wax museum...
Let me start by saying, they don't make 'em like they used to. The newer wax pieces look...well, exactly like that: wax pieces. I wouldn't even put this crap on a birthday cake. The older ones look awesome (Johnny Cash, the original Michael Jackson, Superman, etc.), and the newer ones are just too fake-looking. Jen loved the Hogwarts setup, but was quick to comment that "...they look pretty crappy." Clairey walked down into the 'horror' part with me, but decided to split and leave me alone. The scariest part of that was the seizure-inducing lighting. The stuff that was supposed to be scary was pretty craptastic. Not saying the wax museum was a waste of money, but it was just 'eh.'
After that, we headed back to the hotel, where we donned our swimsuits, headed down to the pool, and watched parents NOT watch their kids. We could only take so much of that, so we went inside dressed, and had dinner. We are extreme partiers. We live on the edge. The funniest part of the day is when Clairey was playing 'store' in our room--she took out all our clothes, refolded them, and had them laid out on the tables in the room; Jenna would come and 'shop'. Then she was pretending to be an Asian nail lady. The stuff this kid does. She had all laughing so hard that we had tears.
Sunday, we woke up, found out that the hotel really DIDN'T have free breakfast, ate anyways, and headed to SeaWorld. You know something that's weird about Texas? It was 89 on Saturday, and 54 on Sunday. FIFTY FOUR. We planned ahead and knew there was going to be a bit of a cold front, but Siri said it was going to be in the high 60s. She's such a lying whore. We had packed jeans, short-sleeved shirts, and light jackets. The girls and I don't do cold. At all. No one was at SeaWorld, because we didn't get the memo that the state of Texas was closed due to weird, cold weather. We ended up buying the only sweatshirts they had--which were Sesame Street. Then i bought a black/white striped 'Where's Waldo' hat, and purchased Clairey a hot-pink beanie (Jenna was already wearing a hat).
We froze our butts off, but had a fabulous time! SeaWorld has changed a LOT since the last time I was there. The shows were great, it was uncrowded, and Clairey rode her first 'real' rollercoaster (which she loved).
Boring last 2 posts, eh? That's alright. We had an awesome time!
Now, back to our regular shenanigans...
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