This past weekend, SMM and I drove down to good 'ole Harlingen, Texas so I could meet his dad, step-mom, and brother. What a trip that is. Did you know that it is 6 (SIX) hours from Houston to Harlingen?! SMM actually told me, but I prefered to think that he was just kidding. But really, next time I drive 6 hours, I better end up in another frickin state. Driving 6 hours and still ending up in the same state? Ridiculous. I did learn several things on the way to the border though: Harlingen is lovingly referred to as "North Mexico"; Mexicans come over the border and buy cars, then tow them back to Mexico--as was evident in the 10 "in tow" caravans we saw; apparently, a lot of fruit is grown in South Texas because there were fruit stands every 10 yards; South Texas grows some damn big dogs--more on that later.
While we were in Harlingen, SMM took me to the beautiful and picturesque South Padre Island. I had my hopes up with this trip. You know, that's where 50% of the "Girls Gone Wild" videos are produced--the other 50% being Cancun. To be in a place where such film-making has occured...it's just a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. To bad it was rainy. And cold. And totally crappy out. We went to the beach so SMM could prove to me that there IS clean beach-water in Texas...he's right...it IS clean, but it was hard to tell between the 5-ft swells and crashing waves. It was so windy, that as I was trying to take pictures, the force of the wind was blowing me and my camera around. So, we left the beach and went to go find some grub. We ate at a little restaurant called, "Amberjacks," which was supposed to have good seafood. It was alright, but they totally made up for it by having screwdrivers for $2. We had an appetizer, and a good meal, and the bill was only $35--most of that was screwdrivers. And our little waiter was from Michigan--GO BLUE!
Onto the family:
When we first arrived in North Mexico, we stopped at the salon where SMM's step-mom is a colorist. We walked in, and she was sitting at the counter. The first thing she said to me was, "You ARE as cute as a button!" Ding, ding. I love the woman. Then she said she liked my hair. Good thing I gave her that finski to make me feel comfortable. Then we drove over to The Dad's house. As we were getting out of the car, SMM spotted "Uncle Wally" across the street. Uncle Wally's a redneck, and as funny as all get-out. He was hanging out with his ex-wife, Aunt Jill, who weighs about a buck-o-five and has a good relationship with Bud Light and Mr. Gallo. Then Grandma joined us--what a little spitfire she is! She had me cracking up. But seriously, any 80+ year old that can say, "fuck you" with a straight face has my vote. Go grandma. Then The Dad walked over. I was nervous. Why, you ask? I have no clue. I always get nervous when I meet people that are supposed to like me. But The Dad is the sweetest man ever. He is a large man--towers over me by quite a bit. We just sat out in the driveway, and laughed our asses off. Good times, good times.
Hold on, I'm almost finished. So, you guys should see the size of the dog they have. I swear to you, it's the size of a small cow. It is, without a doubt, the largest dog I have ever seen. It's also the laziest dog I have ever seen. I tried to give it a treat, and instead of standing up, it scooted itself around like a wounded seal. They also had a grey parrot, which was creepy smart. You talk to this bird, and you can see the wheels turning in it's little head. It's eyes are scary. You know it's thinking, "Just wait, human, until you go to bed..." Ewww. It bit my finger, that little asswipe.
All in all, fantastic trip. I love this family!