I really don't make New Year's resolutions anymore. Really, it's a waste of my time. I have no idea why I ever did it in the first place. Everyone makes incomprehensible resolutions such as, "I'll lose 50 pounds!" and "I'll be a happier person." Let me tell you something, you're gonna lose 40 and gain 70; and you'll never be happy, because you're just a self-deprecating loser. No, I'm not bitter. Not bitter at all.
Here are my resolutions: (yeah, I said I wasn't going to make any, but this is me and I can do what I want. So there.)
Stewbie's 2006 New Year's Resolutions
1. I will lose weight. Then I will gain it back. Then I will lose it again. Then I will gain it all back between Halloween and Christmas and I will start over again in January.
Okay, so I couldn't think of any others. Something about not buying shoes popped into my head, but then I started laughing uncontrollably and lost all thought processes.