Houston is such a calming place to come to, once you've lived in New York for a while. I mean, New York: the traffic, the subways, the copious amounts of bums, the chicken-sized pigeons--it's scary. So, when she wants some peace and quiet, Shannon flies home to Houston, where she can enjoy things like: the wide-open sky, the jolly fat people, real Mexican food, cowboys, and old oriental women in corduroy blazers and thongs.
What? Don't act so surprised. What did you expect? I mean, we have all that smog, so all people do is sit around, eat, and get fat. Why go outside when it's 110 degrees and deadly to breathe? What I was more worried about, was the thong-wearing oriental woman. Not that oriental women aren't allowed to wear thongs, because hey, you bind your feet, you might as well bind your ass crack, too. I don't have a problem with it. What I DO have a problem with, is that this lovely display of butt-bondage was seen in public. Not at a Walmart, where you would expect to see such things, but at the airport.
My poor, precious little sister was waiting for me to pick her up (I'm notoriously late for everything, but this time it wasn't my fault. Her flight was 45 minutes early. Hell, I didn't even think that was possible.)when she was blinded by the light. The light white of an old oriental's gams. Whilst she waited, patiently for her big sister, a large SUV pulled up into my sister's line of sight. Perturbed, but bored (and therefore becoming amused and curious) Shannon watched the SUV. As an oriental man walked from the sidewalk to the SUV, his oriental wife opened the door and stepped out--most likely to greet him with oriental kisses from his oriental business trip, and then swap sides so he could drive. You know, the usual. But, as the oriental woman stepped out of the SUV, Shannon noticed that something was askew...no, wait...something was missing. Hello, it was the lady's drawers. The old lady was missing her pants. She was wearing a corduroy blazer--buttoned-up smartly; her hair was piled atop her head in a, presumably, sexy-do; she was wearing black stilettos; and a thong. No pants. Shannon squinted to be sure, because, you never know, maybe they were just small. Really small. Instead, she saw oriental butt cheek, as the lady walked around to the passenger side of the car.
Granted, I'm happy when my husband gets home from business trips, but I wouldn't pick him up wearing just a thong and a blazer, that's just....wait a minute. Maybe that's the trick!
Leaving the airport, I saw the huge sign that reads, "Welcome to Houston!" in small letters, I'd like to add: "home of fat people, pollution, and pantsless orientals."